To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

She is factoring the DSC. She knows what they like and isn’t pushing them to join her and the younger children when it’s not to their tastes. She asks when she thinks they might like it. She takes them with her when she plans something they will like. She factors in that they are capable of looking after themselves and getting themselves food and that their parents are happy for them to do so.

OP’s issue here is only that, despite her DH being happy to leave his kids to look after themselves during the day, and uses that as an excuse to make his own plans without consultation, he still wants his wife to do things without even being asked that he has stated are not necessary and that he is happy to have not happen if doing so would require him not doing what he wants.

Do you live in a Disney film?

What are you OMG'ing at? The ops negative attitude is clear in all her posts! I can imagine more so irl.

Yes she shouldn't have to look after the dsc as her dh said they don't need looking after (did she mention that?!) But really her problem is with her 'd'h and I pity the poor teens at their supposed second home having such a shit time with no one seemingly bothered about them.

That’s how some good relationships are made between half siblings - my youngest DS adored his big DSD because she engaged with him in similar settings - they have interests in common as a result even now . I’m not talking about a Cinderella type set up !

The older DC are left starving and foraging in bins and stepmum swans off for fun with the littlies, while dad slaves down the mine at weekends.

🙄

OP does make sure they have what they need for the day, she also lets them know she's leaving and checks they're ok. She's also home most of the times at least one day at the weekend, and even if she wasn't, how long do you think days out with toddlers are? It's not like they're going on three day benders.

Nevermind all the family time in the week, when she cooks for them and looks after them.

Everyone having a go at her is basically having a go for occasionally having plans with her younger children. Like millions of mums all around the world.

But he must love them because he works weekends.

Nope. Plenty of experience of mixed families though and this one sounds shit.

The dh should do stuff with his kids, the op should understand that toddlers and teens do indeed mix absolutely fine. They all eat for starters so ooh I don't know, lunch or tea out all together maybe?

They'll stop their visits soon, then the op can only hope when her own are teens they don't have a stepparent similarly disinterested in them.

@Janiie how do you know they are having a shit time? Where did you get that particular information from?

The older children aren't visiting. It's their home. It's no different. This is exactly how mine and many other non-blended families work. Teens like a rest after a week of school and activities. Pre-school children still need entertained. It's you and others on here who are making out that the older children are not part of the family and so need to be treated differently/special.

OP, make your own plans for the weekend with the little ones away from the house. Spend a weekend with a friend or family so he can sort out his own kids and understand that you're not there to pick up his pieces.

Hmm. The tone of her posts? The way she talks about the dsc? The op comes across full of bitterness and resentment at her self employed dh, understandably so, however if it's clear online I can only imagine how shit it is irl to live amongst all the axe grinding.

So yep. I'm betting a tenner those kids are having a shit time whilst guests in the op's home.

@PickledFrog You must be amazed at some of the grim scenarios cooked up by some posters here. Not sure if you've been accused of beating them black and blue yet. I'll wait....

Yep, nobody's saying its impossible. But it was still a big reach to say they'd probably have enjoyed it, especially not on the basis of a very different excursion.

And you're right of course.
She started the thread and has bolted
There are lots of things to consider here who are you my stalker 😑

I think this is the beginning of a really scary story in the Daily Fail.

@Janiie nope. What comes across is the frustration with the double standards and that her husband doesn't even bother to ask because "they can look after themselves ". Which is really what she was asking about. He can't have it both ways.

It really depresses me how many women on MN see ‘man goes out to work’ as entirely unchallengeable. How dare anyone have any problem with anything when he’s decided to go to work.

Even more so when, actually, he’s not working for his family at all. His wife is paying her way (and I bet ends up with the majority or all of the costs for the shared children) but still so many MNers seem to think marriage vows say ‘I’ll be a childcare and housework appliance for you - even if they’re not my kids’. And worse than that, some of these MNers are determined that’s how it should be.

I wish people would raise the bar for fathers and stop blaming women for men’s failings.

@paulaparticles so she doesn't just have to run around after her kids,her husband, her stepkids , she has to perform for you too , on YOUR schedule?

Have you considered she's busy with said kids ,or working ? Plus she has replied plenty of times, last one a few minutes ago and engaged despite the complete bonkers made up scenarios that keep being thrown at her.

Some advice there for a blended family
Will end well that

Well he has 4 to financially support while you have only 2. So he must NEED to work more.

Jesus wept. Some people will do anything to justify men’s shit behaviour.

Then he needs to sort out childcare for his older two without dumping it on OP.

He's got a cheek hasnt he! Of course they need a parent around, 12 & 14 are not old enough to be regularly left alone all day. But instead he pretends this is not the case, and the gets shitty with you for not doing his job of taking care of them - when he wont even acknowledge it needs to be done, let alone have the common decency to ask you first. Id struggle to have any respect for this man as a partner and a father.