Child maintenance q

Hang on a minute.

So you're paying maintenance for a child that isn't biologically yours, but also that you're not raising and have never met? And presumably the new partner for all intents and purposes is dad?

Erm, yes. I'd be speaking to a solicitor.

You still have to pay for the child of your marriage that you agreed to have. Just use the cms calculator to see if you are still paying the right amount. Surely there is no need for a solicitor?

What about the fact that he isn't on the birth certificate, has no biological link to the child and has never met him? Does that not change circumstances?

Chat to a solicitor for sure. You’ve done the decent thing up to this point, no one can question that, but with a child of your own now the circumstances have clearly changed. Congratulations on your new life, hope it is bringing you lots of joy.

How can the child be "of the marriage" when op isn't allowed to be involved?

Sounds like it was what you agreed to at the time under the rules of accepting the donor as a part of IVF. You could have been added to the birth certificate as were married at the time.

Have you reviews your cm amount recently? Having your own child will reduce it slightly.

It doesn't matter how terrible your wife was. The baby was legally your responsibility and you should continue to pay.

You could have a conversation with your ex. If the new partner wants to adopt then that could be a potential waste of removing your rights, worth asking.

I would definitely speak to a solicitor - I'm not sure around the rules of IVF - but using CMS officially (unless your on the bc or have a and proving you are the dad then they cannot take money from you)

Which you would not have either of them if you used the official CMS route.

Could you have been added to the birth certificate as you were married at the time of birth?

What are the rules of IVF and accepting donor sperm in marriage?

You can look up the numbers on an online child maintenance calculator. This will be the minimum that you should pay your ex.

Why didn’t you go to court and get your parental
rights ?

Presumably op isn't involved out of choice and could push for access if they wanted.

He didn't agree to not be involved presumably! He obviously agreed based on them staying in the marriage or at least raising the child together.

I'm not that is presumable actually considering the wife wouldn't tell him she was pregnant.

Why would it change it? He paid money to buy sperm to create a child in marriage, he is legally responsible for them. He has chosen not to go for any contact, but his responsibilities are still there.

However I do think it’s worth speaking to a solicitor to see if you are paying the right amount.

If the OP agreed to the donor process during IVF - which he clearly did - he is the legal parent. He could have gone to court to get parental responsibility and access - regardless of what the ex wife said - just like with any other child he had fathered not via IVF. He presumably chose not to.

He could push for access, he even says he doesn’t feel a connection to the child and has not tried to get contact.

I think we maybe shouldn't assume OP is male. However this doesn't really change the circumstances

Could he though?

Can you go to court and get access to a child that isn't yours when you're separated from the other biological parent? Does that actually stand up in court?

On what basis? That they "agreed" ? Presumably they agreed based on the fact they were together, if that changes doesn't it change rights as well?

It's a strange one.

I think it's very off of the ex though, accepting mainyence when she'd moved in a replacement dad before the baby she was having with her ex was even born. Talk about having your cake and eating it.

If this child was biologically his you’d all be slamming him right now.

OP and his ex decided to conceive a baby in their marriage. OP decided not to fight for access. Now OP wants to pay less maintenance because he has a child he wants.

Take IVF out of the equation, would you all be saying the same thing?

He is the parent, according to the courts, so yes. If you knowingly consent to IVF and you are married, you are the legal second parent. At the time of conception the mother was, on paper, agreeing to parent this child with her husband.

Adopted children aren't biological either; one parent shouldn't be able to just wash their hands of them.

Edit - anyway, to reply to OP, as far as I know a calculator would reduce the CMS by a percentage now there is another child.

No, I wouldn't but then I think a child who is biologically yours is different in this scenario.

I would still think the ex had behaved badly biologically or not.

But in this situation it seems like neither parent wants to co parent, the child isn't biologically his and already has another parent, mum doesn't want the op involved but is happy to take his cash?

It's a shit show isn't it.

Tell her you want your name on the birth certificate. She will highly likely say she wants nothing to do with you and will stop maintenance to make you disappear. Heck, you may even find she's said you disappeared and she's put the other guys name on the birth certificate.

I think this is covered in the IVF agreement / contract.

So on paper OP is responsible for the child as a parent with responsibilities and rights.

Would be interesting if this stands up in court....
Definitely get good, legal advice.

One option is to call your ex's bluff and say if she insists that you continue to pay maintenance and are the child's parent, you'll be looking to start having visits and building to shared care.

Hopefully she'd rather have less money than all the hassle that would bring. If she wanted to go to court and argue you aren't the legal parent, that's a win for you too as you won't have to pay maintenance then.

An adoption wouldn't ever have got through in this scenario would it?

He's not "washing his hands" of them he's asking if he should reduce it but considering he has nothing to do with the child and mum has told him the same... why can't he walk away? That's what they both seem to want, except tye ex is accepting his money?