Child maintenance q

I haven't "decided " anything. I've said what I think based on the information we have.

What else can we do?

You have wasted your time trying to convince me op is in the wrong with no further information, yes.

This is wrong. Men do not need to be on the birth certificate nor have parental responsibility. They still have to pay child maintenance if it is their child. In IVF cases, where both parents agreed to do IVF, committed to it and signed all the paperwork, then they are the legal parents. He is the legal parent. Whether or not he was involved, whether or not she moved on with someone else, whether or not he is on the birth certificate. That child is legally his, just the same as if it was a biological link. He has to pay maintenance until the child ages out.

He chose not to fight for contact. That was his choice. Same as any father not fighting for contact with his biological child. You can disagree with it all you like. This is the law.

You have presumed the mum is at fault and that the OP isn’t, which is not what the OP said either.
I think it's very off of the ex though, accepting mainyence when she'd moved in a replacement dad before the baby she was having with her ex was even born. Talk about having your cake and eating it.
**

It doesn't matter how terrible your wife was. The baby was legally your responsibility and you should continue to pay.

If the OP is allowed no contact, no rights, not on the birth certificate etc then mother presumably is accepting full responsibility and that should include £££. Why should she be allowed to demand any support for her child?

I haven't presumed shes at fault. The opnsaid shed take them to court if they used their rights. They also said she moved in the next man before the baby was born.

Again not an assumption. Literally written down.

🙄

You can roll your eyes all you want. I think you've misunderstood what an assumption actually is.

Because OP signed the IVF paperwork which includes an agreement that you both have parental responsibility.

I think you need to get proof, even just for your own peace of mind, that the man who your ex-wife is living with isn’t the biological father of the child. You said that your wife was funny with telling you about the pregnancy and maybe the dates are slightly off. This would be a great con by your ex-wife if it was actually this new man’s child and you had been paying maintenance for the last 10 years! I don’t know how you would prove it was the donor sperm’s DNA, maybe the best you could do would be to check that it’s not the new man’s DNA and then you would have to accept that it must be the donor.

@SecondHandFurniture thank you. It's interesting to read.

I agree with this. Something sounds very off about the whole thing. Banning you from ivf appointments, not telling you she was pregnant, then miraculously finding a new partner before the baby was even born ... I can't help thinking that there was no "ivf" but a commonplace affair. She got a "sperm donation" all right.

And why was the plan to use a donor? OP has had a child since so obviously isn't infertile unless the new child is also donor/adopted.

Other posters are right that if there was ivf with you as the agreed second parent then legally he/she is your child even if you are not on the birth certificate and don't have PR. (If you were still legally married at the time of the birth you will automatically have PR. Have you ever sought a copy of the birt certificate? Would be interesting to see if the new partner is named as father. That could put a different complexion on the legalities ...)