Child maintenance q

I agree with this. Something sounds very off about the whole thing. Banning you from ivf appointments, not telling you she was pregnant, then miraculously finding a new partner before the baby was even born ... I can't help thinking that there was no "ivf" but a commonplace affair. She got a "sperm donation" all right.

And why was the plan to use a donor? OP has had a child since so obviously isn't infertile unless the new child is also donor/adopted.

Other posters are right that if there was ivf with you as the agreed second parent then legally he/she is your child even if you are not on the birth certificate and don't have PR. (If you were still legally married at the time of the birth you will automatically have PR. Have you ever sought a copy of the birt certificate? Would be interesting to see if the new partner is named as father. That could put a different complexion on the legalities ...)

@SecondHandFurniture thank you. It's interesting to read.

I think you need to get proof, even just for your own peace of mind, that the man who your ex-wife is living with isn’t the biological father of the child. You said that your wife was funny with telling you about the pregnancy and maybe the dates are slightly off. This would be a great con by your ex-wife if it was actually this new man’s child and you had been paying maintenance for the last 10 years! I don’t know how you would prove it was the donor sperm’s DNA, maybe the best you could do would be to check that it’s not the new man’s DNA and then you would have to accept that it must be the donor.

Because OP signed the IVF paperwork which includes an agreement that you both have parental responsibility.

You can roll your eyes all you want. I think you've misunderstood what an assumption actually is.

🙄

I haven't presumed shes at fault. The opnsaid shed take them to court if they used their rights. They also said she moved in the next man before the baby was born.

Again not an assumption. Literally written down.

It doesn't matter how terrible your wife was. The baby was legally your responsibility and you should continue to pay.

If the OP is allowed no contact, no rights, not on the birth certificate etc then mother presumably is accepting full responsibility and that should include £££. Why should she be allowed to demand any support for her child?

You have presumed the mum is at fault and that the OP isn’t, which is not what the OP said either.
I think it's very off of the ex though, accepting mainyence when she'd moved in a replacement dad before the baby she was having with her ex was even born. Talk about having your cake and eating it.
**

This is wrong. Men do not need to be on the birth certificate nor have parental responsibility. They still have to pay child maintenance if it is their child. In IVF cases, where both parents agreed to do IVF, committed to it and signed all the paperwork, then they are the legal parents. He is the legal parent. Whether or not he was involved, whether or not she moved on with someone else, whether or not he is on the birth certificate. That child is legally his, just the same as if it was a biological link. He has to pay maintenance until the child ages out.

He chose not to fight for contact. That was his choice. Same as any father not fighting for contact with his biological child. You can disagree with it all you like. This is the law.

I haven't "decided " anything. I've said what I think based on the information we have.

What else can we do?

You have wasted your time trying to convince me op is in the wrong with no further information, yes.

There has to be a way of determining parental responsibility (NOT "rights") and if the OP consented to be the second parent on paper, at conception, as they said they did, that is the way it's done for donor IVF.

I’m not legally trained but don’t agree with this statement.

By the time of the pregnancy - you had moved out of the marital home, your wife had moved a new partner in (are you sure the child isn’t his)? You aren’t named on the birth certificate (so assume you don’t have parental responsibility) and you have not met the child. You have no parental responsibility, therefore imo you shouldn’t have to pay.

If you do have parental responsibility, the fact that you have another child living with you - then yes, this is taken into account wrt child maintenance and you would pay less.

It may be worth having a chat to someone at the CMS to get advice. Failing that - I would get some advice from a family law solicitor.

Why didn’t you fight for contact with your son at the time, when he was born? He was your son, regardless of biology. And you just walked away? Contact was guaranteed to be granted. The child was legally yours.

You don’t get to stop paying maintenance. Having a child by IVF is the same as having one naturally. You sign all the documentation and you are legally responsible for that child until they turn 18. You need to use the CMS online calculator using your salary to check what you need to pay. A solicitor won’t be able to change anything without changing the law.

I didn’t say OP may be lying, they haven’t said either way whose fault the break up was or how they behaved. Just that they don’t feel they are a parent to the child. It’s you who’s decided the narrative here, I was trying to explain we don’t have all the info and it may not be as clear cut as you have decided from the very limited info available. Clearly I wasted my time.

Yes them not wanting it is the very definition if "mutual"

Do you assume all ops are lying and expect people to answer based on what might be the truth or just this one?

Yes but she could have said that because OP was abusive or unreasonable. OP also says they don’t feel anything for the child and see it as a tax, so they don’t want contact anyway…

I've not assumed it. It says mum would take him to court if he used his parental rights. That's not me assuming. That's right there in the post

You’ve assumed it’s all mutual and that there is no fault on either side, that the mum is just having her cake and eating it. The fact is it may not be as simple as that.

Be careful, that the CMS is not higher ! as it is extremely likely that you are earning more now than you did 10 years ago.

All we have to go on is the op. I've advised based on the op. I haven't advised based on some "could be the case" conjured up story of abuse because that's simply not the information that's been given.

Op could be a convicted career criminal for all we know but we can't advise based on the assumption that they could be. They literally could be anything. The ex wife might have planned this whole scenario for all know but we can't advise on that because we only have the information we have.

Fair enough. Because I read: “If this child was biologically his you’d all be slamming him right now” I lumped myself in with the ‘all’.

I just think it is a complex situation and OP could do with getting some professional advice now that there is an additional child to consider.

It could literally be this situation… OP hasn’t provided details of the split, it could easily be because they were at fault.

Maintenance is based on YOUR income. You get a reduction for your own child. Your partners income or lack of is irrelevant

I think you should book a session with a solicitor. Imo you shouldnt be paying but it depends what was signed as part of ivf.