Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want this working pattern - DH disagreement

188 replies

Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:19

Currently stuck in a disagreement with DH so would like to know what other people would do.

I am due to start a new role at work in a months time. It’s a promotion with a jump in salary, as I’m coming back off maternity leave I’ve been offered a few different options in terms of working pattern and the deadline for coming back to them with a final decision is this Tuesday!

Option A (DHs preference) -
WFH 4 days out of 5
Hours would be 9-3

Option B (My preference)
WFH 3 days out of 4
Mondays not working
Tuesdays - Friday working 9-4:30

Thankfully work have agreed to keep my salary the same on either option (full new amount) as the drop in hours isn’t that significant.

DH prefers option A as it means in a few months time when DD can start pre school we’d save a lot in nursery fees, as those hours match up more nicely with the school hours they stick to. I prefer the idea of having a full day off with DD though.

YABU - option A
YANBU - option B

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 03/03/2024 14:21

I would tell work you'd like pattern B until September when you'd like to move to pattern A. Surely it's not either or / forever.

isthewashingdryyet · 03/03/2024 14:24

Saving a lot in nursery fees unless you at on a huge income will become more important

Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:26

JustMarriedBecca · 03/03/2024 14:21

I would tell work you'd like pattern B until September when you'd like to move to pattern A. Surely it's not either or / forever.

Thank you for this, I’ll ask tomorrow if that’s an option, as if I go for B they’d extend my maternity cover contract for one day a week. So that needs to be looked into!

OP posts:
craigth162 · 03/03/2024 14:26

Better to have day off for school/nursery hols and sickness etc

Weallnamechangesometimes · 03/03/2024 14:30

B. Less days to cover in school holidays.

Toblerbone · 03/03/2024 14:30

A day off is nice for you. But what would you do about the 1.5 hours between nursery pick up and you finishing work? Isn't DH right that it will be a PITA to find childcare for such a short period every day? What is your intended solution for this?

ThinWomansBrain · 03/03/2024 14:31

Don't you have tons of holiday left over from your mat leave period, or have you used that already?
to take one day a week for a while

SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2024 14:31

How much is the financial implication of you working until 4.30?

School holidays, what's the difference between four longer days Vs five shorter days?

Can the Mondayove in an emergency - hospital appt, sickness etc?

peppapigpeppa · 03/03/2024 14:32

B is better for you, you get a day off

PenguinLove1 · 03/03/2024 14:36

I would ask if you can do B until September then move to A. When your child is at school option A will be significantly better for years to come as you wont need any childcare - option B means you would need after school clubs or a childminder 3 days a week

I would research local childcare options / costs and use that to balance your decision - but ultimately, its your job so your decision

GentlyGentlyOhDear · 03/03/2024 14:37

Lots of school holiday cover doesn't extend past 4pm, so the earlier finishes would be better suited to that.
At school i also like being there for drop offs and pick ups as you can catch the teacher for quick questions and you find out who their friends are and info for other parents.
I also like having one full day off to catch up on jobs and washing etc while everyone is out!
So not much help but things to mull over. I'd probably do A, but I have 3 children so wrap around care is expensive.

FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 14:37

I assume you have a baby aswell as preschool dd? If so, I would definitely go with the 4 day week.

Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:37

Toblerbone · 03/03/2024 14:30

A day off is nice for you. But what would you do about the 1.5 hours between nursery pick up and you finishing work? Isn't DH right that it will be a PITA to find childcare for such a short period every day? What is your intended solution for this?

we’d just keep her in nursery

OP posts:
Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:38

FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 14:37

I assume you have a baby aswell as preschool dd? If so, I would definitely go with the 4 day week.

No just DD, our local pre school takes them from 18m!

OP posts:
FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 14:39

Oh cool!!

OK so another question - can you take option 2 but nip out and pick up dd and finish off your work later?

Can you keep dd home on Mondays or will she still have to go to nursery?

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 03/03/2024 14:40

I think B sounds nicer but A is probably more sensible.

Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:40

SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2024 14:31

How much is the financial implication of you working until 4.30?

School holidays, what's the difference between four longer days Vs five shorter days?

Can the Mondayove in an emergency - hospital appt, sickness etc?

Thankfully I’d not need to move the day off in an emergency, as I get fully paid emergency leave for dependents and an additional 2 weeks paid parental leave each year which I hope would cover it (as long as DD doesn’t get majorly sick at any point!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:41

FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 14:39

Oh cool!!

OK so another question - can you take option 2 but nip out and pick up dd and finish off your work later?

Can you keep dd home on Mondays or will she still have to go to nursery?

I could pick up DD on option 2 and do an hour (tbh I most likely wouldn’t bother) when DH was home

And I’d like to keep DD off nursery on the Mondays to get some time together. She is currently in nursery 3 days a week so would just be adding an extra day for that option.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 03/03/2024 14:42

I can totally see your dh’s point but get why you’d want the other one!

Ponderingwindow · 03/03/2024 14:45

What is the plan for when school starts in a few years. What do your wraparound care options look like?

it’s worth thinking longer term because the school years are much harder to manage than nursery.

FUPAgirl · 03/03/2024 14:50

Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:41

I could pick up DD on option 2 and do an hour (tbh I most likely wouldn’t bother) when DH was home

And I’d like to keep DD off nursery on the Mondays to get some time together. She is currently in nursery 3 days a week so would just be adding an extra day for that option.

Show quote history

I think I would go with this, and as someone else said, hopefully you can move to option one at some point if needed.

An extra day with dd would be wonderful.

Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:53

Ponderingwindow · 03/03/2024 14:45

What is the plan for when school starts in a few years. What do your wraparound care options look like?

it’s worth thinking longer term because the school years are much harder to manage than nursery.

There are childminders locally who do school pick up’s from the local primary. So I was planning to just use them, but I can see the value in option A when she starts school!0

OP posts:
lifebeginsaftercoffee · 03/03/2024 14:56

Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:53

There are childminders locally who do school pick up’s from the local primary. So I was planning to just use them, but I can see the value in option A when she starts school!0

Show quote history

Have you checked out their availability?

There was a thread recently from a woman looking to swap childcare and there was nowhere with any space for 18 months or more.

Beezknees · 03/03/2024 14:57

I think B sounds better for now but A would probably be more practical when dd starts school. I worked 9-3 when DS was at primary school and being able to do school runs, then actually have time in the evening to cook dinners, do reading and homework, chat to DS etc was far more valuable me than having a day off when he was at school anyway so I wouldn't see him.

Original poster
Dutchairfryer · 03/03/2024 14:59

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 03/03/2024 14:56

Have you checked out their availability?

There was a thread recently from a woman looking to swap childcare and there was nowhere with any space for 18 months or more.

Show quote history

I think some might think I’m mad for asking 3 years+ early!

OP posts: