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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to work?

737 replies

howdypartnerrr · 16/02/2024 11:45

I worked full time until having DC, and part time since youngest DC was a few months old.

I just don't want to do it anymore. The amount I bring home is minimal.. and I find I'm spending my days off doing housework and just not having the energy to take DC to toddler groups etc. my youngest would start school in sept 2026.. so I'm thinking about just quitting until then. DH says it's up to me as my money just goes into my bank, I don't contribute to any bills so it wouldn't affect the household. My job is quite stressful.. and other more relaxed jobs involved working weekends etc and I did that with eldest dc, working weekends, Christmas Eve, Easter Sunday etc. don't want to do it again.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Phanta · 17/02/2024 13:07

There's no right or wrong answer OP, only what you feel is right for you. It is worrying you only work 16 hours and feel you have no energy for your toddler. I work full time with a 20 month off and generally feel I have energy in weekends and evenings for them so a trip to get iron levels or blood tests to see if there is anything amiss.

Parenting isn't one size fits all and everyone needs to do what is best for them. What does irk me is comments such as "who wants to go to work" and people saying they are lucky to stay at home as if all women should want to be at home and don't want to work. I love my spending time with my child and I love working. It's quite easy to have have the two co-exist. My worst nightmare would be to a stay at home mum, just as the reverse is true for those that don't want to work.

Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 13:30

@Predictabilitypreferred the posts from others are probably all from the practise I work at! Haha. I am fully qualified since I was 18, now mid 30s.. we pay our own annual registration/indemnity/CPD.. and we get £10.50 an hour.

I think this job in particular is affecting my mental health. It's all I think about, how much I hate it and don't want to go back. There is some.. not nice shall I say, nurses that I work alongside.

I did used to have have really low iron and my hair is falling out in clumps so I think I will go and get some kind of blood test.

I'm definitely not boasting about a job that I studied for and did for year to then be paid £10.50 an hour I promise you.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 17/02/2024 13:36

I'd do it in your shoes. And I did it myself when my kids were small and didn't work for the best part of a decade. Started PT once the youngest went to school when I was 31 and still PT now.

Not worried about lack of pension for those 10 years either. My kids will be adults when I'm early 40s so will have another 25 years or more of working life to bolster pension provision.

Tiny542 · 17/02/2024 13:36

Can you not get a different job OP? Maybe a receptionist? Stick with part time and get a little money for yourself - staying at home is nice but I got bored after a while! There was only so many places/things I could do with the kids.

Lesserspottedmama · 17/02/2024 13:42

I feel so sad for so many women commenting on this post. I have been a sahm and I have worked both full time and part time depending on what was right for our family at the time. But the women declaring they would have no self respect for themselves if they depended on their husband’s income just sound desperately jealous and emotionally immature. Is it any wonder mumsnetters increasingly are seen as bitter old harridans. It makes me wonder what their husbands are like. I notice many of them say partner rather than husband which speaks volumes in itself.

Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 13:49

It sounds awful but if I'd have not met my husband and stuck to dental nursing.. I'd have had to depend on my parents, or universal credit, rather than him. It's very poorly paid. It's 8p above minimum wage.
I did it from being 18, then me and my now husband met so at the time I had to stay in it as we were renting etc so relied on a wage back then, then I had my children.. so the opportunity has never arose to restudy.

My friend stayed in dental nursing she's been in it 11 years now, has just branched out to being an assessor. She's on £28k full time. That's considered pretty good in the dental industry without being a hygienist or dentist. None of my friends are paid more than around £14ph. I don't have any high flying female friends apart from 1 who moved to London. There just doesn't seem to be many opportunities around here.

OP posts:
Mumof2NDers · 17/02/2024 14:25

howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 13:30

@Predictabilitypreferred the posts from others are probably all from the practise I work at! Haha. I am fully qualified since I was 18, now mid 30s.. we pay our own annual registration/indemnity/CPD.. and we get £10.50 an hour.

I think this job in particular is affecting my mental health. It's all I think about, how much I hate it and don't want to go back. There is some.. not nice shall I say, nurses that I work alongside.

I did used to have have really low iron and my hair is falling out in clumps so I think I will go and get some kind of blood test.

I'm definitely not boasting about a job that I studied for and did for year to then be paid £10.50 an hour I promise you.

£10:50 is a bloody insult!! Minimum wage goes up to £11:44 in April. If you don’t need the money though and the job is getting you down as much as you say then I’d defo get out of there. It’s just not worth it!!
I’ve been a dental nurse for 36 years but I get paid a lot more than £10:44! It’s only that I get well paid (for a dental nurse) that I’m still there, I just wouldn’t do it for less, not worth the stress!

Heronwatcher · 17/02/2024 14:37

If you have a fail safe plan for divorce, or sickness (on either side) and wouldn’t be climbing the walls then go for it. By fail safe I mean independent BTW, not relying on DH to agree to move out and pay maintenance etc. I know you say you’ve got 21k of personal savings but that wouldn’t last long if you had to move out and support yourself and your DC (you’d obviously be entitled to more long term but that’s not the same thing).

I also think that one person being entirely dependent on the other financially definitely changes the power balance.

Personally I’d either get a different job or use the time to train for something rewarding- what are your plans for when your DC start school/ go to uni/ leave home? Maybe use this time to plan out what you do want to do with the rest of your life?

Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:13

@Mumof2NDers isn't it just Sad as I say we don't even get our GDC subscription paid for that. There are whispers of a pay rise in April but it'll probably just be to £11.50 if minimum is £11.44.

I'm genuinely thinking of getting signed off for a month with stress and handing my notice in at the same time, meaning I won't have to go back.

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 15:21

op

any reason why ignoring questions re whether your marriage is solid, robust, supportive and loving?

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 17/02/2024 15:28

howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:13

@Mumof2NDers isn't it just Sad as I say we don't even get our GDC subscription paid for that. There are whispers of a pay rise in April but it'll probably just be to £11.50 if minimum is £11.44.

I'm genuinely thinking of getting signed off for a month with stress and handing my notice in at the same time, meaning I won't have to go back.

FFS. Woman up. If your 16 hour a week job isn't to your liking, quit. Don't be dishonest and claim "stress".

Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 15:33

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 17/02/2024 15:28

FFS. Woman up. If your 16 hour a week job isn't to your liking, quit. Don't be dishonest and claim "stress".

Show quote history

agreed.
and a month no less.
i would hope a gp wouldn’t just hand this out without some real probing

Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:44

@Firstnews24 no other than they've just got lost among the comments. Yes marriage is absolutely fine, as far as I'm aware at least.

OP posts:
Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:45

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker Yes but if I quit I will still have to work for a month else it's breaking my contract.

It's affecting my metal and physical health. To the point some nights before work I've actually vomited. DH has found my in my car shaking and crying.

OP posts:
Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:48

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker also no need to be so condescending of the "If your 16 hour a week job isn't up to your liking" there's no need. It takes nothing to be nice. Also "woman up" who says that 😂 it's man up

OP posts:
Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 15:52

howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:44

@Firstnews24 no other than they've just got lost among the comments. Yes marriage is absolutely fine, as far as I'm aware at least.

well that that doesn’t exactly like you have strong faith in it!

Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 15:53

howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 15:48

@candyisdandybutliquorisquicker also no need to be so condescending of the "If your 16 hour a week job isn't up to your liking" there's no need. It takes nothing to be nice. Also "woman up" who says that 😂 it's man up

i say “woman up” all the time… either to myself when ill or jokey with female family / friends

Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 15:55

DH says it's up to me as my money just goes into my bank,

he is indifferent either way?
or he has any kind of view whatsoever even if not finance related

Original poster
howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 16:03

No he's not that bothered. He says if you want to work, work, if you don't then leave. it going to have no effect on anyone else or anything the household. He says this job is getting us all down as I'm constantly talking about how miserable I am.

OP posts:
IvorTheEngineDriver · 17/02/2024 16:08

Don't work then. DW had the same view as you OP and was a SAHM when the kids were young and never went back to paid work again. We lived on my salary and she did unpaid charity work.

We were all happy.

RM2013 · 17/02/2024 16:14

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if I duplicate anything already said.
if you’re genuinely unhappy working and can afford not to (both now and in the future) then do what makes you happy.
I’ve often said I’d love not to work but in reality I don’t think this is true. Working has meant I’ve been able to afford to contribute towards house bills, holidays, my own car, hobbies etc plus money into my pension for when I retire.
we weren’t ever in a position for one of us not to work so it’s wasn’t an option

CagneyAndLazy · 17/02/2024 16:18

Always love the "life's too short..." posts.

I imagine it feels a lot longer if you find yourself on the bones of your arse with an ex husband and no income.

Beezknees · 17/02/2024 16:21

I wouldn't. I did and ended up splitting up from my ex and was homeless with a child as I couldn't afford anywhere on my own until I could get a housing association property. Never again. Depends on your financial position though.

Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 16:23

howdypartnerrr · 17/02/2024 16:03

No he's not that bothered. He says if you want to work, work, if you don't then leave. it going to have no effect on anyone else or anything the household. He says this job is getting us all down as I'm constantly talking about how miserable I am.

He says this job is getting us all down as I'm constantly talking about how miserable I am

so he cares?

Firstnews24 · 17/02/2024 16:24

CagneyAndLazy · 17/02/2024 16:18

Always love the "life's too short..." posts.

I imagine it feels a lot longer if you find yourself on the bones of your arse with an ex husband and no income.

well i suspect that is the very point of any poster that says this 😐

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