Where did I go wrong financially?

Reading the OP, we have failed monumentally then being FTB aged 36 and 37...I am however very grateful we were able to buy when we did in 2019 as if we hadn't owning property would not have been possible.

I am late 40s in a financial disaster. Ex doesn't contribute to kids. Interest rates mean mortgage has gone up 500 a month. Gas and lekky taking the piss off the scale. Loads of debt. I'm not worried about upgrading my car but more focussed on trying not to use credit card on food by week 3 of the month. I don't want loads of money juat don't want to put a Lidl food shop on a credit card. Thoroughly depressing at my age.

Who are all these people that you are talking too, who give you that amount of information on their finances.

I feel I've done well with mine (although still have a mortgage at 41) but don't go into detail with people about my finances - it's really noone else's business, can breed resentment or jealousy.

By not giving information, sometimes people make up their own narrative and sometimes come up with 2 + 2 = 5. Such as your assumption that everyone else has paid off their mortgage.

Assess your personal financial goals and start working towards them. What you prioritise financially may be very different to what I prioritise financially.

Sorry to hear. Sounds crap and not dissimilar to my own situation. Single Mum of 2, ex doesn’t contribute. By taking on extra work as a tutor (I’m a teacher) I just about break even each month with a bit put by for car repairs, kids Christmas and birthdays and a modest holiday. It’s hard work and financially we’re a bit insecure, but I do my best. My teenaged children are fantastic and its exhausting but they are my purpose in life and I do it all for them.

I think OP is doing great and doesn’t seem to realise that there’s a cost of living crisis going on for many people in this country. Perhaps she’s been ignoring the media? I respectfully suggest she should count her blessings, stop worrying so much and try to enjoy life rather than stay home counting her money. Tbh, if I didn’t have dependents I’d go on loads of holidays and buy myself a Porsche (which is what my deliberately child free accountant school friend does, and I’m happy for her to do that).

£68k is a good salary. I wouldn't panic. I am on £35k and that's pro rata for working not quite full time. And I live in That London.

This is a wind up right? You need a hobby if it is. 180k in equity?! Mine doesn't even have 1k ffs.

You don't know for sure people's finances and they sugar coat things. We've been gifted or inherited money, I can't see how anyone could pay off a large mortgage otherwise before even 50 years old tbh. As for not being able to buy a car outright, I disagree with you a bit there. My last car was £4k and still going after 11 years. Expensive cars are never a good investment and if you pay monthly it's a lot of money down the drain!

I’m 39 and LTV ratio on our mortgage is 75%. Nearly everyone I know is similar. Your situation seems relatively normal to me.

Do you know their true financial position? Ie is this based it on your unique position of seeing the accounts of clients you are working on? If not, you don’t know what their debt status is. I’m 39 have built about £1.5M net in assets, no debt before I got married. My husband has 7 properties, buys expensive watches and cars but is financed to death so is net only about £200k. On the surface everyone thinks he’s the one with the money. If you are in London 68k is only just about enough for a single person to get by. It sounds like you didn’t invest so I don’t need to tell an accountant that’s how you build wealth and why you are behind.

On the mortgage and car I'd say your not unusual at all. On the debt, it depends how much. We have had a lot of debt at points - and it felt like everyone else we knew (on a range of salaries) didn't - there's no big reasoning for it, we simply spent more than we had at times. You will not be the only one with other debt. We did prioritise making a plan to clear our car and other debt at one point and mentally it's very freeing. I'd set out two plans to clear debt faster (one to clear the most high interest debt first, one to clear the smallest debt first so mentally it's off your list) - see how they compare and what impact they have on your lifestyle, then choose if you actually want to do it.

Basically ....are the people you are comparing yourself to married? Are they both working and do they earn under 51,000 each? Because you should be paying 40 % tax which is a big amount deduction from your 68.000. That would also mean they could be bringing home up to 100,000 and paying a lower tax plus have a bigger income anyway because theirs 2. Makes a big difference. They maybe bought a cheaper house (you can find that info out online what they paid on zoopla) but also like everyone else has said, their parents maybe gave them money or grandparents. But no....its definitely not normal normal pay off a mortgage by 40. Most people take a 25 year mortgage and your friend would have only got that at 18 and would still be paying it into her early 40s.

OP your post is tone deaf and you know it!

I'm your age, on 2/3rds of the money you're on, have only just been able to buy an old house in a shitty area with loads of work that needs doing, but it was all I could afford (your equity being more than my whole house is worth). My car is nearing vintage age and looks it. I barely have any savings because something is always breaking and I have to feed and clothe myself and two kids. No debt but it only takes my car to stop working completely and I'm there.

I hope this post makes you feel much more superior in how "savvy" you are.

I think I would have more savings than that after 13 years on a decent salary but maybe you overpaid the mortgage? I had not bought a home at your age so had no equity, but had about 100k in savings so overall less than you. I had been a stay home mum so no second income for 6 years though.
If you are not in London you must be spending lots to not have a paid off car and no savings. This blog is interesting and she does case studies so you cna write in and stay anonymous and she analyses all your outgoings to see how you could save more. I have got lots of tips from it and we are now saving hard to try and retire when we want rather than in our 60s but having got on the housing ladder late we still have a big chunk to pay off there.https://www.frugalwoods.com/2023/09/29/reader-case-study-yearning-for-a-debt-free-future/

Here is a case study from the UK
https://www.frugalwoods.com/2021/10/29/reader-case-study-buddhist-in-england-desires-a-simple-secure-financial-future/
They really help you to see how people spend their money and where you can cut back and save yourself. Beware the US salaries can be intimidating as in two nurses can easily be making 250 k because so many jobs just pay much better in the US where I would say the cost of living is higher for almost everything, but then they may be paying 1800$ a month for their health insurance so they need the higher salary for that expense you just do not have to worry about in the UK.

record everything you have going out and then do what you do better than 99% of us on here, crunch the numbers.

I think the thing here is doing well is subjective.
There's that phrase 'comparison is the theif of joy'.

From my perspective you're doing really well in life financially.
I think the way your viewing yourself is being skewed by comparison with your friends?

Everyone has different circumstances, and moreover, people don't tend to disclose everything. Ie inheritance or debt unless they're really really close. So you just won't know if what other people are saying is the truth, full truth and how they got there if on their own or with legs up. And if they're fine on the surface but struggling.

If you are generally concerned about your finances, irrespective of comparison.

Have a sit down with yourself, and go through your essential costs.
Then figure out what you have left.
You can even reduce essential costs by moving somewhere cheaper, and looking at ways to reduce bills.
Car (potentially) and type of car is a choice.
Food budget can go down.
You can automate savings. Automate investments.

Look after your health. Enjoy your free time doing things and spending time with people. Not spending money on appearances or luxury. You'll soon save loads that way.

Your income is really good.

£68k is about what we earn as a married couple so that’s a high salary for someone single but then again a lot of the costs we have as a couple would be the same for a single person, i.e. mortgage, house maintenance, car, fuel, nursery fees, utilities, subscriptions, insurance, pet costs etc. We just scrape by on our income and don’t have a lavish lifestyle. I guess it depends on if you have kids, do you spend a lot on clothes/holidays/socialising etc, how expensive is your house? You could look at downsizing and having a smaller cheaper house, cheaper car and put away more of your disposable income away.

You haven't gone wrong anywhere. You just have a bunch of friends who have in one way or another done excessively well. I have spent years with friends who have worked hard in their professions and gotten married and had kids. They out earn me significantly. If I looked at my life based on their success, my life would look poor by comparison. But it isn't, I'm on the average national wage, I own my car after paying off finance, I co habit otherwise I'd live with my mum as renting is expensive and I'm privileged to have that option. My credit score is excellent and I want for nothing. I'm actually in a fortunate situation compared to others. I just have friends who are in a better situation. Don't use your friends as a stick to beat yourself with, just be pleased you have good friends and be happy for them. We are all poor and made poor decisions compared to someone else. Equally if a paid off mortgage and a paid off car are your only aspirations, find an interesting hobby to take your mind off it, this is a type of jealousy (we can't help jealousy, but we can help how we deal with it) brooding on it will not help.

I expect you've spent a lot more on your car and holidays than you've realised. Just because a car is necessary, doesn't mean you need an expensive one bought with finance, which then has higher insurance premiums etc. You need to look a bit more clearly at ALL your costs if you want to save more. Or don't; just accept you're doing ok and are happy with the choices you've made.

You earn £68K, have a house, a car and your health and nearly everyone you know is better off? You want to widen your friendship circle.🤣.

I earn half what you do but still consider myself well off compared with some of my friends! It's all relative.

I’m 38 and bought my first house last year. I’ve never had a car on finance, I’ve always bought second hand for under £4k. I’ve got both undergrad and postgrad student loans and I earn less than half than you do.

Most of my friends have not bought their first house yet. I can only think of one person vaguely my age (ten years older) who has paid his house off.

You must have an exceptional group of friends and acquaintances.

It does sound like you’re not managing your money that brilliantly.

On £68k in the midlands it feels like should be fairly achievable to be saving or overpaying more.

You’ll be getting nearly £4K/ month take home.

With £1000 on mortgage and another £1000 on bills and core living costs that’s still £2k a month of discretionary spend.

What are you spending £500/week on over and above basic life costs.

I haven't read the full thread, just your updates (the last from 2 days ago so I'm guessing you're not going to come back now) but if you're earning £68k and you say you live fairly frugally you should have hundreds, if not over £1000 leftover each month to save, or use to overpay the mortgage since you seem to be obsessed with that.
On that point, I'll +1 to what lots of others have said, mortgage paid off by late 30s is very unusual both in my experience and if you look at the statistics.
Not saying your friends are lying, but that is genuinely unusual and I wouldn't use them as a benchmark.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

IMO you are doing very well to be comparatively debt free in the current economic climate

You need to take account families that so many people get help from . You seem so be doing very well. I wouldn’t expect to have my mortgage paid off by 38..

You don’t know people financial situation so you should not compare.
All the people I know who are mortgage free at 40 are 1. Investment bankers making a few millions a year and having bought a house worth £4-5m 2. People who bought a small property at 25 in central London, sold it 10-12 years later for 6-7 times their value and bought a bigger property outside
with 60-70% equity so were able to overpay their mortgage and finish it off in 10 years as a couple 3. People who got inerithance, gifts from family or other income from family wealth, such as regular rent coming in etc.
everybody else is potentially a bit better off than you if they have your income and are a couple or way way worst off.
you can’t compare yourself really to anyone as you don’t know.