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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DP

480 replies

babypanther · 25/04/2023 09:09

Had a huge argument with DP this morning because we were running late to take him to work. He was literally a couple of minutes late if that. I was rushing to get 2 month old DD ready, after being up with her through the night, she pooped just before we were due to set off and had a dirty nappy which needed changing before we could go, and I then had to drive DP to work.

I apologised for making us run late because I was tired. DP had a go saying I should just get on with it and sitting in bed doesn’t help, I should get up and get on with the day. I had been up from around 4:45am feeding DD, then she didn’t settle until almost 5:30, and then had to be up at 7 so I could take DP to work. My eyes were so heavy I could barely keep them open and I just wanted to sleep but obviously can’t when I have a baby to look after and had to drive DP to work. DP said I’m “always fucking tired” and went to work in a huge mood without kissing me goodbye.

AIBU to be furious? I literally do all the night feeds and then get up and take him to work, I never say, “I’m really tired could you get the bus” Which I would quite often like to do! I had apologised for us running late but I really don’t think I should be made to feel bad for being understandably tired from looking after our 8 week old baby.

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 25/04/2023 10:21

I can't believe you apologised to him. He should be bloody grateful you're even willing to consider driving him to work 8 weeks after giving birth. Did he take any paternity leave, and have you been driving him to work since the baby was a couple of weeks old??

He's an adult. There are so many ways he could get himself to work that don't rely on you, and he should have thought of a reasonable way of doing so whilst you were pregnant.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/04/2023 10:21

Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2023 10:21

You can teach him to drive. The whole waiting for lessons bollocks is just an excuse.

??

Why should she? She is tending to a new baby.

Lcb123 · 25/04/2023 10:23

Oh, why do you have to even ask if YABU. So sad. Tell him to get a bike.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 25/04/2023 10:23

Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2023 10:21

You can teach him to drive. The whole waiting for lessons bollocks is just an excuse.

No she can't. He can buy himself a bike or pay for the bus.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/04/2023 10:23

I don't feel safe driving this tired so it's time to take the bus

WCRoulade · 25/04/2023 10:23

babypanther · 25/04/2023 09:17

@dogandbonio I drive him to work every day as he can’t drive. He is a labourer so works all over the local area. Sometimes it’s a 10 min drive, sometimes up to half an hour.

He needs to get his skates on and learn to drive.

Imagine getting a job that you rely on someone else to deliver you to and then having a child with no means to transport it anywhere in an emergency. Unfathomable

user1492757084 · 25/04/2023 10:23

Can he ride a bicycle?
Order an Uber?
Jog?
Get a work mate to pick him up?
Get his licence?

Original poster
babypanther · 25/04/2023 10:25

Well as expected the take yourself to work message went down like a lead balloon. I know he will be in a huge mood with me for the rest of the day now.

Thank you to those of you who have left kind comments. I am going to try and get my head down for half an hour before DD is due her next feed!

OP posts:
SkyandSurf · 25/04/2023 10:27

Well fuck that.

He's treating you like a chauffeur and he's not even polite to the help.

Tell him you're busy- with your NEWBORN BABY - and he'll need to make his own way to work from now on.

What a prick.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 25/04/2023 10:28

babypanther · 25/04/2023 10:25

Well as expected the take yourself to work message went down like a lead balloon. I know he will be in a huge mood with me for the rest of the day now.

Thank you to those of you who have left kind comments. I am going to try and get my head down for half an hour before DD is due her next feed!

What does he do if the cars not working? Or you can't drive for some reason? He needs to grow up.

Abacusporttaco · 25/04/2023 10:28

Maybe the nasty cunt should learn to take himself to work…

What sort of a shithead treats his partner this way when she is looking after an eight week old baby, almost certainly entirely in her own?

ClawedButler · 25/04/2023 10:28

You have two children. One that's completely dependent on you and needs you to wipe their *rse, cajole them and deprive yourself of sleep to serve their needs - and a baby.

Spottycarousel · 25/04/2023 10:28

He's selfish and entitled.

Ugh.

I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

SkyandSurf · 25/04/2023 10:28

Let him be in a mood.

You're exhausted and he's been incredibly rude to you. If anyone has a right to be in a mood today it's you.

Stick to your guns. People use their 'moods' to control a whole family every day.

Don't let him do that to you.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 25/04/2023 10:29

Bloody good job you didn't have a c section, eh?
Again, 'i think you need to buy a home, because this isn't working any more'
If he is going to strop around in a mood you need to start keeping a track. I am serious. Don't minimise this.

FlibbedyFlobbedyFloo · 25/04/2023 10:30

You are with a man child. If he can't see there's a problem then he's unlikely to improve. It's your decision really whether you accept that or not - for the rest of your life

MsRosley · 25/04/2023 10:31

babypanther · 25/04/2023 10:25

Well as expected the take yourself to work message went down like a lead balloon. I know he will be in a huge mood with me for the rest of the day now.

Thank you to those of you who have left kind comments. I am going to try and get my head down for half an hour before DD is due her next feed!

Don't let him dictate to you via his moods. Out mood him every single time. Eventually they learn it's self-defeating and engage in reasonable discussion instead.

Pudmyboy · 25/04/2023 10:33

Topseyt123 · 25/04/2023 09:24

Then just go back and press YANBU. That's all you need to do.

Show quote history

I thought once you have voted you can't vote again? I have accidentally pressed the wrong button and haven't been able to change it (slight thread derail, sorry OP)

Kentlassie · 25/04/2023 10:33

I wouldn’t be taking him to work again. Ever. Seriously, this man child needs to sort himself out. I do all the night wakings/ feeds with our baby and would be furious if DH expected me to take him to work!

Ramunea · 25/04/2023 10:33

YABU for allowing him to talk to you this way and behave this way.

why on earth are you doing all of the waking up at night time and then chauffeuring him to work anyway? Tell him to get the bloody bus and get on with it!

what are you, his maid!?!

Ramunea · 25/04/2023 10:34

After being up all night, the last thing I’d be doing is chauffeuring his disrespectful arse to work.

get a back bone!

Original poster
babypanther · 25/04/2023 10:34

@Putyourdamnshoeson I did have a c section! 😂 so I didn’t drive for 6 weeks. Two of those were paternity leave and then the other 4 weeks he got the bus/train. So he will just have to go back to doing that.

OP posts:
Pudmyboy · 25/04/2023 10:35

@Topseyt123 thank you I have just tried to change my vote and it worked!

rainbowstardrops · 25/04/2023 10:36

Fuck that!

You've got a newborn, you're the one who does all the night wakings and then he has the cheek to moan that you're always tired and that you were late taking him to work?!!! I don't think so sunshine!

When the baby goes back down at 5.30am, you should be trying to get at least another hour or two in yourself.

Let him have his toddler strop and ignore the idiot.

I presume you go and pick him up as well?

SkyandSurf · 25/04/2023 10:38

babypanther · 25/04/2023 10:34

@Putyourdamnshoeson I did have a c section! 😂 so I didn’t drive for 6 weeks. Two of those were paternity leave and then the other 4 weeks he got the bus/train. So he will just have to go back to doing that.

Wonderful, he knows where the bus stop is.