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In the last year or so, the charity associated with the shop I volunteer in has become much more stringent on the issue of the shop remaining open all the time, even when staff shortages make this difficult or impossible without our manager giving up her time off to come in and cover without extra pay.

Our shop has a paid (FT) manager and a paid (PT) deputy manager. The rest of the staff are all volunteers.

Neither of the managers work on the Sunday, so the shop is staffed entirely by volunteers on that day. It's the only full day off that our manager gets, as her working hours cover the other six days.

In the past, if not enough of the Sunday volunteers could come, the shop just wouldn't open that time. But according to what our manager says, she is now being told that if a suitable number of the volunteers cannot show up on Sunday, she needs to come in herself to provide cover, if other members of staff can't/won't. The (non-Sunday) volunteers are usually unable or unwilling to work on a Sunday, so it ends up falling to our manager.

This Sunday, for example - two of the (four Sunday) volunteers are unable to be there. I can be there, but our fourth Sunday volunteer does not arrive until between 1-1.30 pm. The shop opens shortly after 11 and health and safety rules dictate that staff are not allowed to be alone in the shop when it's open to the public. The manager has been told that she is expected to come in and cover.

I am 100% sure that she will not be paid for these additional hours; from what has been said, it's typically expected that additional cover is done unpaid. I think the charity works around it by offering time off in lieu, so as not to be in conflict with the law, but due to the complexity of rota staffing when the majority of staff are volunteers (and thus can have as much time off as they want, for any reason) I think our manager finds it quite tricky to take all of her leave.

If the above was just a one-off, I don't think it would matter, but whilst those of us who volunteer on Sunday do our best to be there as much as possible, there are times when other things conflict and take precedence. Last Sunday, I myself did not come in because my mother and I were looking after my nephews for the day. One of my colleagues has a partner with fragile health and she sometimes has to arrange for him to go to the hospital at short notice. So there are times when, for a multitude of reasons, not enough of us can show up at the same time to ensure that the shop is adequately covered throughout the day.

In the past, it was just accepted that the shop would not open for that day if enough of us could not make it. But like I say, in recent times, the charity has become less understanding/tolerant of this and are more or less insisting that our manager come in to provide the cover instead.

My view is that - given the majority of staff are volunteers, with the freedom to have time off whenever - that expecting the shop to always remain open isn't realistic or fair. We're not a 'typical' retail business in that respect, because most of us are unpaid.

Considering that the only day off our manager gets is the Sunday, I think it is unfair to expect/demand that she always cover, especially for no pay.

200

Dh has told me he’s ’got The ick’

That over the last few months he’s needed more time away from me as ‘little things were annoying’ and he can’t put up with certain ‘habits’ anymore. He thinks I’m lazy and he worries about the image I have and how that will affect the dc.

We used to go out once a week but he stopped that two weeks ago and made excuses. He’s now said he can’t stand the way I act when out and how I eat. I’m quite shy and he finds it ‘embarrassing’ . He’s very chatty and sociable.

I don’t know what I’m meant to do ?

282

Okay, new to having adult kids, no previous experience.
I have twin daughters who have just completed Alevels. Turned 18 in April.
What time are 18 year olds meant to be home? They are going clubbing with their friends as an after exams celebration and want to return at 5am! They say the clubs don't open before 12 or close until 4am and they'll need to travel back. Is this normal? Did your 18yo have a curfew? Could they just come back home the next day?

Aibu to think they should be home by midnight?

Before Alevels, they came home by 10pm most nights. They'll be going to uni this year and can do what they like then.

My parents were immigrants so I had a totally different childhood from most. I had to be home by 9pm most nights and it didn't seem strange to me at the time. When i went to uni, I went out but didn't really enjoy it much. I don't feel i missed anything. When I returned home, I was still back by 9pm at the very latest every night.

I'm a single mom so don't have anyone to discuss this with. My girls and their friends are pretty good kids. I don't want to restrict them but I don't want to abandon them either. I won't be worried as such, just want to do the right thing. Please tell me what you do.

36

To do a ten day holiday in europe with ryan air under Seat hand luggage only. I think I can do it but I have been met with FURIOUS resistance from people saying it’s impossible. Please tell me your best packing hacks for the smallest hand luggage. I can wash clothes six days in so that feels inmediately like only a six day holiday…. Help!

232

I can’t be bothered to wear anything other than comfortable shoes to work.

What trainers would you recommend that pass as “smart enough” for the office?

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My DD has come out as gay. It was a bit of a shock but I love her unconditionally and have accepted it. At Christmas she announced to several close family members that she was gay (she had drunk rather a lot of alcohol) they all hugged her.
There are two family members who I’m very close to who didn’t attend the gathering (they are elderly) but I imagine they will have heard

i am due to see them on Sunday. Do I mention it to them? They are lovely people but old fashioned ideas. I don’t want it to become a thing that is not spoken about and it to be awkward

44

I need a dress for my DS’s wedding and it seems impossible to find. I’ve seen what MN can come up with so I’m hoping it can work its magic for me.

I’m late 50’s, 5.3, BIG boobs (36H) and weigh about 143 pounds. I’d like short or three-quarter sleeves and a hemline below my knees.

The problem is that most dresses for big breasts are wrap dresses. I don’t where the myth comes from that wrap dresses are good for the big of boob - they certainly don’t flatter me. They just accentuate my breasts. And the current fashion for big, almost puffed sleeves does the same.

So what I’ve been hunting for is a midi dresses with simple sleeves and a dropped waist, or at least a lowish waist. I can’t wear dresses with each breast defined - don’t know what you call that shape but it doesn’t work on me. I love vivid colours - pinks, purples, greens. Patterned or floral or plain.

Am I looking for a unicorn? Would be very grateful for any steers. The wedding is semi-formal- a Sunday lunch.

TIA

55

Hi I've had a tough couple of years which has become evident on my face. Im a bit saggy with some facial fat loss around the cheek area. I've been down the botox and filler route before and I just can't afford the upkeep so im looking instead for a great, or a couple of great at home devices to invest in. Wrinkles are not too much of a problem but definitely could do with some uplift and possible replumping of cheek area. I've been looking at the myolift, ziip and led masks. Does anyone use anything like these which they swear by?

9

A colleague gave me a thank you gift today. It was a small bottle of facial oil that had specks of dirt around the neck of the bottle. He told me that he had opened it to add some sweet almond oil. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I just want to put it in the bin. It screams of something that he has already used himself - albeit just a bit - and decided he didn’t want. He is very into skincare and products from nature, so am I being too suspicious?!

4

I attended accident and emergency with my partner recently. I drove to the A&E because the previous week we were told we would need to wait 11 hours for an ambulance. I arrived at the car park which was signed posted from the hospital at 5 pm. My partner was not seen in A&E until 1 am, Eight hours later.
Following that we returned to the car park to collect the car to go home to find out the car park was locked from 10 pm until 6 am. I asked about getting the car out and was towed. It would cost £100 to get somebody to unlock the car park for us to collect the car.
The previous week when I had drove to the same hospital with my partner to a A&E he was admitted and I could have been going to this car park on my own which is down a side street. We need to wait on a taxi at 1 am and I needed to return to the car park just after 6 am to collect the car.
When I looked at this car park again there were signs to say the car park was closed between 10 pm and 6 am, however when one is bringing their partner to A&E, how many people look for signs that the car park is not open all night and if I had noticed this was I supposed to come and get the car out at 10 pm and park elsewhere which may be very unsafe for me to do as a woman.
The nearest 24 hour car park to this particular hospital is 15 minutes walk away.
Am I being unreasonable to expect a large city centre hospital with an ANE department to have a 24 hour car park?
I am being unreasonable to expect a large city Centre hospital with an ANA department to have a 24 hour car park.

31

I know IAB and I'm sure his current situation is difficult and painful, but in the last week I've been in two meetings with a very senjor man who manages a large workforce, and who is going through a separation. They've gone for 50/50 and there are soooo many things he can't possibly do, that he used to do, because childcare.

It's like watching a cartoon lightbulb moment.

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Our middle one is at university and has done a year in Halls which they didn’t like and know wants to live at home for 5 years whilst they complete their course. University is 20 minute drive away they were gifted a car at 18 and due to take test imminently. They have moved home and are paying £250 a month in rent. We aren’t paying for hall fees (£8K next year!!) so actually it feels a bit like - we aren’t paying and we are actually making money from her. She gets all food and bills included from us but she does have to keep her room tidy and clean the family bathroom and cook one meal and do one extra chore of her choice. Things were bad before she went to university as she was becoming very entitled to everything and winding everyone up and just kind of feet up and ‘bratty’ teenager type behaviour it’s better now but not 100% and we don’t want her taking anything for granted as much as we love her.
She has to pay her own lunches and petrol out of her students loan (£6000) and she has a part time job.

She complained today that she hasn’t got much money (she has booked numerous concerts and trips and train tickets and been clubbing etc) it’s not a hard life. But I feel a bit bad for her paying rent for July and August since she got back. The money is going into her Lisa with the aim that in 5 years she has £25000 and we will then match that to give her £50000 to buy a house.

Does this seem fair?

She’s not great with money so if it is tucked away she won’t spend it.

6

My son has had 4 nights of very little sleep (think 6-7 hours). He usually sleeps ok but we have just moved house and he is very unsettled. He has asd, adhd and a mild learning disability. He has only just fallen asleep and I just want to let him sleep in the morning until he wakes up naturally. WIBU to call the school tomorrow to say he is going to be in late because he's exhausted?

50

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

52
Roadislikeabuildingsite
AIBU?

Dd has a friend on the road who comes to stay regularly with her cousins and play, Dd plays with her but they have a love-hate relationship really. She’s the only child Ive seen Dd argue with, I’ve tried to cool things between them, but they still love to play together a lot of the times.
This friend often calls over the fence to Dd and vice versa to play. When friends dad is there, her friend isn’t allowed to our house, even though this child is the issue/hard work and the mum agrees, but she’s just a child
The other day, Dd heard her playing in the garden and called to ask if she was there and her dad loudly shouted back ‘No!’ and it all went quiet. Dd came inside a bit confused/upset

Was this a mean thing for him to do? What would you do?

179
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11

I have been invited to a party (in 10 days time). Dress code is Chic. I am not a chic person at all and actually am not entirely sure what passes as chic nowadays.
It is going to be in a marquee - dinner and dancing. Age range will probably be about 50s-70s.
I’m 5ft 10, a size 10, sometimes 12 and in my early 50s. I have a pair of pale pink sparkly sandals from Dune but no dress!! Colours that suit me - pinks, purples, teals/warm blues, yellows.
Budget isn’t massive (please no Vinted options as I would like the option of sending clothes back). I like Boden, Seasalt, Adini, M+S for my general every day shopping.
Any links or inspiration would be fantastic.

104

DH and I are booked to go to Paris next week. The average highs in June are around 23 degrees, which is about the max I can handle. But the forecast is up to 40 every day. This wasn't what we were expecting at all.

I'm dreading it. The metro doesn't have aircon and neither do any of the places I've booked to eat (I've now cancelled them all). We had an assortment of walking routes planned, but none are going to be realistic.

We've spent a fortune on a lovely hotel room and Eurostar travel, so I can't bear to cancel the whole thing.

Does anyone have advice or reassurance or am I just going to absolutely hate it?!

204

Ok big rant in coming..... I'm not really sure what I want from this.... Maybe just to know if I'm being a mug? Or if this is just married life?

I'm going to start by saying I love my husband, we have been together for 8 years, married for 4 and done amazing things together in that time. I don't want to divorce him or anything like that but sometimes he literally BLOWS MY MIND!!

Today he was complaining about being tired ....showing me his sleep data. We started fostering 4 months ago and have had 2 babies places with us. He has not done one single night with them, not one single get up in the morning with them in four months, never even offered. I am sleeping in the room with them to "protect his sleep"! We both work the same amount although I have the children more often...... He NEVER asks me how I am in the morning, or how I slept, I always ask him (he inevitably complains)

He huffs and puffs around the house when things annoy him or the kitchen is dirty and he wants to cook like a bloody teenager.... And tonight I lost my temper at a bin bag (time of the month) and swore he went " uch, what is it now"....... i would never usually huff and puff or even swear i just crack on and the one bloody time I behave like him for a second he is straight in to jump on my bad mood.

i was at work today, came back cooked dinner for all four of us together and at the end of the meal, food everywhere children covered, kitchen a mess he went up to run a bath for them. He never came back down, decided to have a sit down whilst I cleaned up and brought the boys upstairs. I didn't even blink just carried on and afterwards I thought .... Who am I? How is that ok? I would never even dream of just sitting down mid routine - even if I thought it deserved/needed it.

I clean the whole house top to bottom, he neither mentions it nor gets close to doing anything like it himself. I do 2 loads of laundry and when I get home from work (he has been looking after the one baby all day with the other at nursery) and it's still on the line. HE HAS NEVER CLEANED A TOILED IN THE 8 YEARS I HAVE LIVED WITH HIM, NOR A SHOWER OR MOPPED A FLOOR NOTHING! But if I challenge him on it, he just tells me I'm wrong and he does loads..........

is this just men? Have I made a rod for my back and he just thinks I will do It all so why should he? After a year of living in our current house I asked him to take the bin bag out and he actually asked where our bins were......

I have so many more examples but I really am just venting.

should we get therapy? Can he change? He is 52, quite arrogant and really doesn't think that he is not pulling his weight..... But I assure you mums net he is not. The complaining about the tiredness was the thing that got me when I have been up every single night with a baby and a toddler for 4 months with 5 am wake ups to boot and he saunters down to the kitchen at 7am without so much as a how are you? Like really?

36

I need help, please! I've had a last-minute summons to a dinner/evening event this weekend, accompanying my husband who is kind of a 'guest of honour'. It's at a golf club and is golf-related. I have zero interest in golf so dreading it, but I also have nothing to wear. There's no official dress code - it's not a glitzy do, but I definitely can't get away with jeans and a nice top like I would do for most things these days. The only summery dresses I have are either casual or more wedding-appropriate.

I'm 40, 5'9", size 8 but curvy. I like my arms and waist but not so keen on hips/bum so prefer not to add too much volume there. I would like something fairly understated. It's possible I'll be the only woman there.

I'm looking for a midi-length dress, but don't know where to begin as I find shopping overwhelming at the best of times, let alone with such limited time. Budget is negotiable!

Any inspiration would be much appreciated, as I'm extremely unadventurous style-wise and mildly panicking. What would you wear if you were me?

14

We went to a party for our friends parents at the weekend, had a lovely time, lots of people we knew were there and others who we hadn’t met before.

I got chatting to 3 women and did the usual polite conversation and asking how they knew the hosting couple. The conversation moved on to work and what each of us did. Two worked, one was a SAHM with young children and I told them what my job was before I had children but that I hadn’t gone back to work.

One asked how old my children were, I told them. (20, 17 and 15). She said ‘so you must be going to go back to work soon the after all that time off’ which I found a bit passive aggressive, but just said that I wasn’t going to return to work as I liked being home and didn’t need to go back.

One of the other women changed the subject to talk about a song that was playing but the other woman continued to talk to me. She said ‘so what do you actually do all day?’ I said I take my middle and youngest kids to and from school but other than that, my time is mostly my own.

I said something about the food coming out soon to try to change the subject again, one of the other women said she was hungry so she hoped so, but the woman continued with, ‘what do you do between picking up your children? I said anything I fancy and listed a few things like going running, looking after our animals (we have our own and we foster dogs), cooking, gardening, seeing friends etc.

She asked ‘so do you class yourself as a SAHM then?’ I said I didn’t really think about it, I suppose so, but that my husband jokes I’m just retired. The other 2 women laughed, one said she wished she was retired but had 20 years work left yet.

The other woman continued talking to me saying ‘I don’t really think you can class yourself as a SAHM when your children are teenagers, by that point you just don’t work’. 😬😅

The other 2 looked shocked and I was getting a bit fed up of her questioning and said I wasn’t aware there was a cut off age, but I don’t really feel strongly about how I’m categorised and being classed as not working is fine by me. The other women laughed. The woman still continued saying something about how she feels it’s important to have a more in your life than children, which I did find quite rude. I said that it’s a good job I have lots of other things in my life then, made my excuses and went to find my husband.

One of the other women found me later on with my husband and said that the other woman was a very full on and we had a laugh at the awkwardness of the conversation.

Would you have found the questioning as strange as we did? It didn’t feel like nice chatty conversation like you have at parties. What would you have said? Do people really care if others don’t return to work? Would you actually question someone as much as this? I felt like I needed a lie down afterwards. 😂

402

Been separated a long time. He moved out 6 years ago. Stupidly we continued being intimate for a while after...I believed we were working on reconnecting, but it became obvious he was just having his cake and eating it.
Still not divorced, not even started proceedings - for years he was emotionally abusive/threatening his life etc. I've ended up with PTSD and became an absolute shell of a woman...meanwhile he's magically recovered, seeing someone new and appears to be living his best life.

What I was not prepared for this far down the line, was the level of heartbreak I still feel..and the anger is like nothing I've ever known.
I am so so angry: angry he's taken the future I envisaged with our kids (and one day grandkids) Angry I am having to split Birthdays and do separate Xmas.. angry I sometimes don't see my kids every day.

I just keep crying and don't see the point in looking to the future - my future was with him, we were childhood sweethearts and I feel utterly bereft that my life is not how I thought it would be.
I have better days, but on the whole I just feel like I'm filled with anger and sadness most of the time and I'm struggling to find anything to look forward to 😥

1
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice
AIBU?

I'm well aware that I am going to sound like piss troll but a quick search of my history should prove otherwise!

I'm on holiday with inlaws, I have a tendency to get irritable when I'm forced into close quarters with others so am after an honest reality check from you all.

MN has taught me that lots of people don't flush their pee every time, especially overnight, for environmental reasons or because of noisy plumbing. Cool, I don't leave mine but I understand why people do.

AIBU to think that even if it's your normal family practice not to, you might flush more often when;

  1. staying with other people who you are not as close to (i.e. not related by blood, have not shared a home before and in one case not met before)
  2. bathrooms are absolutely tiny and anyone entering after you is going to have to manoeuvre around the toilet in order to flush after you so they can use it
  3. you are unwell and your pee looks like tea and reeks

AIBU to also think that the lid should be closed on unflushed pee, so as not to let the smell fill the room?

We are all jetlagged so up and down at all hours of the night and I'm getting very sick of being confronted by the sights and smells of other people's piss, but happy to be told if I'm being precious.

Other possibly relevant info - I am the only woman.

164