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Relationships

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Noisy new boyfriend and sleep deprivation

54 replies

RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:17

I've started sleeping over at my new boyfriend's house. He lives in a very quiet street, other than the odd dog barking once or twice at night and in the morning, he's off the main road, has lovely quiet neighbours, so it should all make for a good night's rest, right?

Wrong... I knew he was quite a hyper person, very talkative, can monologue on for ages until you say, hang on, can I speak please, very witty, quick, intelligent, but he doesn't seem to have an off switch. The first morning I woke up at his house, I could not believe the racket he made! Slamming cupboard doors shut, literally banging dishes and pots and pans around, throwing the teaspoon down onto the bench after making tea. Slamming doors. Waking up shouting and moaning about how tired he is, yawns that would wake the entire street! The TV is put on instantly, blasting out the misery of the news for almost 2 hours.

This all happens around 5 am or earlier. He starts work shortly after 7. I've brought it up with him a couple of times and he has managed to keep the TV at a much lower volume, got me decent ear plugs etc., but a few weeks after discussing it, he's still doing the kitchen slamming and banging. Most recently he cooked a nice meal and I cleared up every single thing, not a single item was left to be put away in the morning and yet he still opened and slammed pretty much every cupboard and shouted about how exhausted he felt.

Anyone else have a partner who does this? It's as if he's making sure he wakes me up. He always slams the front door really hard when leaving as well.

He won't go to bed early and falls asleep in a chair instead of getting to bed to get enough rest before an early start. He keeps saying why am I so tired... !!

I'm beginning to wonder whether he likes me much at all!

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · Yesterday 23:20

I'd be refusing to stay over at all. He can't wake you up on purpose then expect you to just take it.

Besidemyselfwithworry · Yesterday 23:23

This is really strange behaviour- I’d be fuming and it’s definately not right - thankfully you haven’t moved in with him he sounds a bit unhinged!

KnickerlessParsons · Yesterday 23:26

Sounds like my DH, who is also very heavy handed and footed. You get used to it.

summitfever · Yesterday 23:26

ADHD screaming out him. It doesn’t get better, this is the package. I don’t miss my exh’s apparent complete lack of awareness that other people might still sleep after he’s up or before he went to bed 🫩

WelshCakeLover · Yesterday 23:26

omg this needs to be nipped in the bud now. some people genuinely have no clue how loud they are, trust me i have a friend whos exactly the same. i cant stand to stay over their house. id be genuinely telling him its starting to affect your sleep now and you wont be staying over anymore so you can get a decent night's sleep 😴

TheOccupier · Yesterday 23:28

Don't stay over.

Does he also act like this at your place?

familyicons · Yesterday 23:28

Don't stay there. Easy

thetinsoldier · Yesterday 23:28

KnickerlessParsons · Yesterday 23:26

Sounds like my DH, who is also very heavy handed and footed. You get used to it.

Why should she have to ‘get used to it’? It sounds miserable.

mcmuffin22 · Yesterday 23:29

Ditch him and get some sleep!

relaxitsok · Yesterday 23:30

Yes, sounds possibly adhd, have you ever suspected this about him or has he mentioned it?

OohOohOohAhh · Yesterday 23:30

That’s really, really weird. I’d be out of this like a shot. He has no respect for you. He’s literally projecting that because he’s awake you need to be awake and acting like a child. 5am, I’d be shouting SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Or just being in my own bed in my own home sleeping without excessive unnecessary noise. I don’t think you’re compatible and he sounds like a nightmare, not conducive to having a relationship. Throw him back OP.

RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:33

thetinsoldier · Yesterday 23:28

Why should she have to ‘get used to it’? It sounds miserable.

I really don't want to get used to it, nor do I think I should have to.

I did notice when I met his family, his sisters and his children from his previous marriage, that they all spoke at a really high volume, shouting at each other quite often and talking over each other. Beyond animated. It all seemed very rude. They're not from a southern European or African country either, as that might go half way to explaining it. When I said to him that I found them all a bit loud, he said well maybe they all have something important to say.

I don't know, I was brought up to respect other people's quiet, especially late at night, first thing in the morning, to kind of creep about if others were still in bed or resting, napping etc. It feels so rude, especially after I've brought it up a few times now.

He doesn't stay at my house as we don't really have the space right now. Major renovations. The builders are quieter than him though!!

OP posts:
Zov · Yesterday 23:33

100% what @OohOohOohAhh said. Fuck that shit! I would be dumping him. No WAY would a relationship ever grow legs if I met him (or someone like him!). Nope! He sounds fucking awful! Raise your bar @RainbowFee

His poor neighbours. Imagine living next to THAT? So much noise. So little consideration or thought.

Back in the sea he goes!

.

likelysuspect · Yesterday 23:34

Definitely likely ADHD with the talking and having the telly on and sleeping patterns being odd.

However the banging in the kitchen is just like my mum, unbelievably heavy handed, does your ears in with how much she clangs while stirring a cup of tea, like a cemet mixer or something.

Also over the years I have become a slammer of cups, cupboard doors etc. Ive got a disability in my hands and now neuropathy so I cant always feel what Im doing, dropping things and banging into things frequently.

RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:35

Zov · Yesterday 23:33

100% what @OohOohOohAhh said. Fuck that shit! I would be dumping him. No WAY would a relationship ever grow legs if I met him (or someone like him!). Nope! He sounds fucking awful! Raise your bar @RainbowFee

His poor neighbours. Imagine living next to THAT? So much noise. So little consideration or thought.

Back in the sea he goes!

.

Edited

I do wonder about the poor neighbours. They are only on one side. They're elderly too. I hope they're a bit deaf. Apparently they have asked him to keep the TV down in the mornings before. Seems he forgot about that when I first stayed over!!! The walls are super thin too!

OP posts:
KnickerlessParsons · Yesterday 23:36

Well if you’re heavy handed, you’re heavy handed. I’m not sure what can be done apart from getting used to it.

Zov · Yesterday 23:36

KnickerlessParsons · Yesterday 23:36

Well if you’re heavy handed, you’re heavy handed. I’m not sure what can be done apart from getting used to it.

As has been said, why should ANYONE have to 'get used to' this shit?

RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:37

KnickerlessParsons · Yesterday 23:36

Well if you’re heavy handed, you’re heavy handed. I’m not sure what can be done apart from getting used to it.

It's not just a case of heavy handed though. It's the shouting out about how exhausted he is the minute he wakes. The loud TV at 5 am.

OP posts:
YoBetty · Yesterday 23:38

He sounds completely thoughtless and inconsiderate.

TheHateUGive · Yesterday 23:39

If you dont like this, just graciously move on. Don't start picking apart his character or demonising him. Find a man who is quiet enough in the morning and wants to be with you.

Willowskyblue · Yesterday 23:39

I think you’ve got the ick. I would too.

RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:41

relaxitsok · Yesterday 23:30

Yes, sounds possibly adhd, have you ever suspected this about him or has he mentioned it?

He has anxiety and depression, but is on medication for it. Apparently he was had really bad highs and lows before the medication, but it's meant to help him not be so hyper. From my observations, it's not working. I think it's an SSRI of some sort. I think he might have ADHD. He talks over me an awful lot.

Getting a bit fed up of it all and bored with him as well. It takes me ages to get my sleep cycle back to normal and if I stay over even one night at the weekend, I find the disturbed night takes at least two more nights to catch up on for some reason.

OP posts:
RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:44

OohOohOohAhh · Yesterday 23:30

That’s really, really weird. I’d be out of this like a shot. He has no respect for you. He’s literally projecting that because he’s awake you need to be awake and acting like a child. 5am, I’d be shouting SHUT THE FUCK UP, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Or just being in my own bed in my own home sleeping without excessive unnecessary noise. I don’t think you’re compatible and he sounds like a nightmare, not conducive to having a relationship. Throw him back OP.

Edited

I have wondered whether he's doing it on purpose, kind of he is up, so I should be up and everyone else. Shouting about his exhaustion sometimes sounds so martyr like. I work part time and did think is he envious that I don't always have an early start. I know when I used to have a really early start, I'd be in bed by 10 pm, not faffing about downstairs or nodding off in a chair and then moaning about it.

Feels like major disrespect.

OP posts:
RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:46

TheHateUGive · Yesterday 23:39

If you dont like this, just graciously move on. Don't start picking apart his character or demonising him. Find a man who is quiet enough in the morning and wants to be with you.

I'm not trying to demonise him, just never come across a person who makes so much racket and wondered has anyone else come across this?

OP posts:
RainbowFee · Yesterday 23:49

likelysuspect · Yesterday 23:34

Definitely likely ADHD with the talking and having the telly on and sleeping patterns being odd.

However the banging in the kitchen is just like my mum, unbelievably heavy handed, does your ears in with how much she clangs while stirring a cup of tea, like a cemet mixer or something.

Also over the years I have become a slammer of cups, cupboard doors etc. Ive got a disability in my hands and now neuropathy so I cant always feel what Im doing, dropping things and banging into things frequently.

Bless you, neuropathy sounds really awful!

That made me laugh, your Mum sounding like a cement mixer. That's a very accurate description of him!

OP posts: