Give it to me straight - how horrendous is it going back to work?

[sunshine75]

Going back FT when dd is 11 months. She'll do 3 days with grandparents and 2 days in nursery. I'm a teacher so will get the hols and can pick her up at 4pm.

Tell me truthfully how it feels please.

I was dreading it but I actually felt fine, and am really enjoying it. DD LOVES her days at my parents, and nursery, and it is really good for us both. It took a few sessions at nursery for her to settle in properly but she has great fun there now.

I felt strange at first, not being welded to her, but that passed very quickly. If you are happy with the childcare you have, everything will be okay, don't worry

Thanks - I know that i want to go back but full time just seems a bit scary at the moment.

It's not horrendous at all once you get over the shock. There are other adults to have coffee with and you can go to the toilet unaccompanied. We even used to go the Pub one lunchtime a week. Of course you miss the LO but that gets easier over time. The only difficulty I had was that dd caught loads of bugs initially and I seemed to be forever collecting her at lunchtime and taking her home. My boss was a bit about it and asked if I should be making different childcare arrangements. I just ignored him.

I loved it, but it's really important to be happy with your childcare arrangements.

Its such a treat being able to read the newspaper on the train, get a cup of coffee or tea whenever you want to, being able to go to the toilet on your own, I could go on......

I was lucky on the nursery bugs front. My dd didn't really pick up anything except for the odd sniffle.

I loved it, worked so hard there was no time to miss dd and you have her big smile to look forward to when she sees you at the end of the day

Bliss - you can actually concentrate on one thing (or only 5 or so) at a time.

Drawbacks - bugs - ds brought them home for the weekend, and I caught them in time to be off work really poorly the following week whilst ds had breezed through, got over and back to nursery.

Also when your lo starts screaming at the end of the day when you go to pick them up ('I want to stay here, I don't want to go home....')

Depends on how you feel about the childcare. It's Micawberish. "A mother going to work who is entirely happy with her childcare - result: happiness [coffee by youself! a lunch break!] A mother going to work who has a nagging doubt about her childcare - result: misery". And be in no doubt about the miserableness of that misery. Sweaty palms, racing pulse, insomnia etc. So if you feel very miserable, do consider whether it is the childcare that is the problem.

Bugs in the early stages are really common as Portofino says. Have backup care on standby (other grandparents? Sibling? Partner?) A teacher of my acquantaince recommends First Defence, available at pharmacies (about £8) which you squirt up your nose to stop colds getting a beachhold on you. Wash your hands a LOT and clean the handles of the bathroom door and the fridge.

It can be easy to get 'out of tune' with your child if you don't see them as much, or don't feel you see them enough. Be easy on yourself and them. A few rows and difficult moments are inevitable. If you feel that overall you working is the right thing for the family as a whole (I certainly did), then stick with your decision.

Ok, i was so sleep deprived as mine didnt sleep till he was 4 years old, that i was rubbish as a co worker.

The going back was ok, the childcare ok, lo was absolutely fine, it was me that was the problem.

Thats my only down side, also i missed him terribly, i was clock watching wondering what he was doing at that time. I tore myself in bits, what if he cries and wants me, and im not there!

However, i am and was part time, 3 days a week, still hard due to the chronic exhaustion.

I was dreading it, you definitely get into the swing of being at home all day every day and the thought of going back to work is quite scary.

But....I love it now. As 2cats says, simple pleasures like reading the newspaper or a magazine on the train, or just staring out the window without having to have your eyes in the back of your head switched on are wonderful. Office gossip and adult conversations about things other than babies (even though I love these conversations as well, just not all day, every day) are also bonuses. Oh, and cash of your own to buy treats - new undies on payday, highly priced coffee every day, what the hell!

I get to work, work like a dog, then leave with plenty of time for a relaxing commute home (trains permitting). My DS took ages to settle into nursery but he now loves it. He didn't want to come home yesterday when I picked him up and is making lots of little friends at nursery. My advice would be to have as long a settling in period as you can as its very common to have sickness etc for a few weeks.

It's hard work but OK.

I have 1 in a fabulous nursery, and 2 in school, so no worries about childcare but it's tiring. I feel like I've done a full day's work by the time I get there. All the day to day dross eg washing, ironing, housework, shopping, buying birthday presents, paying bills, sorting out paperwork etc has to be done around work and the children. Me time is last on the list and I do feel guilty that I don't see more of my children, but I have to work.

I do like being Sidge again instead of just mummy.

I went back after a gap of 3.5 years. Straight to full time.

It's fantastic . I love sitting on the tube and reading a book. I love talking to others about chit chat as well as work that is not kiddy dominated.

I was going completely mad.

I also love going home on time and seeing my lovely boys!!

good luck!

Went back last Thur and it's great. Really enjoying the work and being with adults every day. I do miss the children but they seem happy and dd2 is settling slowly. Had a day from home with them today, bit of a nightmare trying to juggle everything but enjoyed spending more time with them. Agree with the back up plan to be sorted before you start, but good luck, hope it all goes well.

it's fine. I think how it goes for you will depend on how organised you are and how happy you are with the child care arrangements. If the answer to both is 'very' then you'll enjoy it.

My tip is when you get in spend 10mins cuddling / playing with your lo and making them laugh before you do anything else. Then get dinner ready etc. It will make you both happy. If you get in at four it will be a breeze!

DS had a D&V bug for 6 weeks when I went back (at 11 months). That was incredibly stressful. Once he was better, it was a breeze. I used to be off one day a week with him but was getting to the stage where I'd do little but MN and faff all day. Now I'm back FT and feel much more productive and really enjoy the time I spend with him - we make an effort to do loads of family stuff at the weekend (and on an evening too of course)

Hi Sunshine
I'm also a teacher and have just gone back when my LO was 11 months. There have been some ups and downs all summarised by what others say here. Has def helped getting a cleaner and doing lots of shopping on-line. And feeling confident in my child care.
We have all caught a few bugs as has been mentioned . All in all my daughter has been really happy and I have been knackered but I think the school holidays will make things manageable.

You'll get lots of different answers, here.

I found it horrendous. Went back when DS was 10 mths old, handed in notice 4 mths later. Including commuting, I was out of the house from 7.45am until 7pm and could not hack it. Too exhausting, not enough time with my baby.

I have a friend with 3 children under 5 who works full time and loves going back to work (when DCs were 4 mths old each time). She says it's her sanity.

I have to say, we all love it - although perhaps I should qualify that by saying I only work in the mornings. I am much happier, and when I get back in the afternoons I want to be with the children more, so they get much more of my attention. Miraculously, the house hasn't suffered as I seem to bustle about for a shorter time, and DH is delighted that I am bringing some money in again, so mucks in more as well. I also love the fact that my work is separate from my community and family, so I am just me again - nobody's wife or mother. The only thing I detest is the rush of the school run before my commute.

I was so worried about the emotional aspect of leaving my 1 year old DD that I wasn't prepared when she caught one bug after another at nursery - recurring conjunctivitus, bad colds, chicken pox. She has been off for 4 weeks in total since the beginning of September! The separation from DD has not been as bad as I thought it would be, though I think the challenge of finding alternative childcare arrangements has kind of become the priority! I do feel a bit as though I am not doing my job 100% nor am I being a mum 100%, but I am hoping that once DD has got over chicken pox & can return to nursery, we will establish a routine & I'll be able to balance work & home a bit more effectively. I leave at 7am each morning & don't return till 6.30pm, so DH does the drop off & collection from nursery. This has no doubt made it easier for me as I obviously don't see the inevitable tears when she gets left. DH has had to do a lot more too, as when I get home from work I need to spend my time with DD before she goes to bed at 7.30, rather than spending time cooking. So we are eating repetitive meals at the moment until DH expands his culinary repartee!! And the additional income is, of course, very welcome.

I am actually job hunting at the moment and find it very scary. Have been at home for over 4 years but ds is starting school soon and dd in nursery 2 mornings. On some days I am ready for it, on others I am just worried about kids being ill, not being able to spend as much time with them and I also have no family closey by, so nobody who could help out in emergency. And although I don't want another baby at the moment I am really sad that this special time in my life has come to an end now. Does anyone feel similar?

I found going back to work ( nursing) was an absolute doddle compared to being at home all the time. Love my kids, nut work keeps me sane, I get to miss them, I get to get the housework back in perspective, I get to finish a cup of tea/conversation.....If your dd has been in daycare for a while hopefully she'll have gone through the bugs at an early stage...we're in Australia, no family close...so I know the worry about childcare. Basically if they get sick, you or your partner will have to stay home. Hopefully you can get a job where they are a touch sympathetic to this. Good luck...

I am going back in December when ds will be 1. Have a dd 4 already in nursery. I am not looking forward to it this time round as ds is v clingy at the moment. DD was v independent from 9 months and settled in no problem. I have had a horrible few months with my dad dying in August, so not feeling on top form right now. Last time as fine though and I enjoyed all the things people mentioned - lunch breaks, tea breaks, going for a wee without bing disturbed. I hate all the getting there though

For me, it was absolutely blardy fantastic but then I hate being at home looking after kids!

Just think of all those cups of tea you're going to be able to drink without being interrupted. You might even have a conversation with another adult about a very intellectual subject. Who knows?

Your kids will be fine - lucky you having grandparents to help.

And obviously as you're a teacher, you'll be off on holiday most of the time anyway .

YOU WILL BE FINE.

Hi There, I have just gone back to teaching 3 days a week. I find being organised is the key to it all and keeping on top of chores etc. I am also on the count down til half term! I feel that having that time will allow me to do jobs that have been put off plus have some quality time with my babies! Its all good! Good Luck

Sorry I am going to be the voice of doom and gloom here...have been back FT as ateacher since August...really hating it. DD is 10mths now, and I miss her terribly. She is happy though, so actually it's more about me..she is a poor sleeper so I am exhausted, and as you will know there is NO downtime in a teaching job. You will presumably be, as I am, leaving as early as poss to get back to her- that means there are no coffee breaks etc as you are frantically trying to get through your marking, paperwork etc during any potential breaktime.

I get home at about 5pm which I know is good compared to some people, I then have about 2 lovely hours with my dd doing tea btah, bed etc, then I am up until 10/11 every night doing my work. Which would be ok if I then got a full nights sleep but I don't.

I do enjoy my job, but the work is overwhelming, I would say go PT if you can. Most of the benefits people cite re going back to work just don't apply to teachers! (although of course there are the holidays...)

My experience is a bit of a mixture. I was dreading it, but the reality wasn't nearly as bad as my expectations. However I was still breastfeeding and my job is ridiculously flexible, I don't know what hours I'm working until the night before, so I found the strain of trying to keep breastfeeding going unbearable. I managed to get to a year, and stopping then has really changed my life. I'm no longer totally preoccupied thinking about it at work now. I do miss ds alot though. Monday mornings are hardest especially if I've been off for four days and I leave before he goes to the cm. Walking down the road and looking back at his little face pressed up against the kitchen window waving at me breaks my heart. I usually make sure I'm on a 7am start on Mondays so I creep out of the house at 6am before he's up. Also that way I get home at about 6pm, in time to go to the cm and see the look of joy in his face as he runs over to me arms wide, for a cuddle. The most joyous thing ever. So it's ups and downs really.