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Give it to me straight - how horrendous is it going back to work?

54 replies

sunshine75 · 07/10/2008 09:16

Going back FT when dd is 11 months. She'll do 3 days with grandparents and 2 days in nursery. I'm a teacher so will get the hols and can pick her up at 4pm.

Tell me truthfully how it feels please.

OP posts:
findtheriver · 14/10/2008 09:26

I think the key thing to focus on is that as long as your child is happy, then it's win win really - more money, chance to remain up to date with your professional skills. Maybe it's different if you're stacking shelves just to earn a crust and there's no job satisfaction, but a profession is different - there are a lot of upsides to keeping your hand in.

It's tough when like Caz, you're not getting enough sleep. I found that when I went back to work after maternity leaves, my babies slept better though. I think the routine, getting up at the same time every day, having good stimulation during the day etc really helped from that point of view - tbh my children were better sleepers than many of my friends kids. They also dropped their day time naps earlier, which made me wonder if there can be a link with working - when I was home all day on maternity leave I couldn;t wait for nap time to break the day up a bit, which maybe meant they weren't so tired at night. If your baby is happy and stimulated during the day, hopefully she will be ready for a really good night's sleep, leaving you with some evening downtime with your partner.

I always enjoyed going back to work - I loved my time off, but I think I enjoyed it all the more because I knew I had a good work life waiting for me too.

It is hard work, no denying it, and tbh I think being at home is easier as you don't have to fulfil other peoples' expectations, but I think once you get over the fact that you're going to be busy, there's a lot of upsides to working, and not just the money!! I also found that among couples I know who both work, there does tend to be a more equal approach to parenting and to home stuff, which suits a lot of people. I'm not saying you can't be equal when one of you is at home, but it's inevitable that you'll tend to polarise your roles, with one of you being 'earner' and one 'carer' and you probably have to work harder to dispel this stereotype. Whereas if you both work, you tend to fall naturally into both roles.

Saz36 · 14/10/2008 09:41

Its ok actually. I went back 3 days a week about 7 weeks ago. My DS was 7.5 months old. My husband and I have reduced our hours so we share looking after him so I feel like I am in a lucky situation as I can leave the house when I am ready without having to sort DS out with breakfast, clothes. dropping off anywhere etc . I like being back at work but even though I know that DS is fine I miss being with him. I think the strangest bit for me is not feeling like I am able to do anything properly - either being Mummy or being an employee.
Good luck with going back.

sunshine75 · 14/10/2008 09:42

Thanks for the support. I am an organised person and after 10 years of teaching can plan/mark very quickly. so fingers crossed it will work.

OP posts:
emma1977 · 14/10/2008 16:07

I go back in 3 weeks' time and this thread has cheered me up a bit. I'm still largely dreading it though- mostly for the reason of getting organised in the morning (not my strong point) and dropping ds at nursery and starting work on time. Also dreading the inevitable bugs and calls to collect early, as we have no family within 2 hours and neither of our jobs are very flexible.

HeadFairy · 14/10/2008 16:23

Emma, I make sure I have everything out the night before including all my clothes, plus ds' bag for the childminder, and ds' clothes (I draw the line at doing dh's clothes ) so I practically roll out of bed in to my clothes. It's well worth getting in to the habit as it makes mornings so much nicer and it's easier to get all that stuff organised when your dc is in bed and it's quiet.

when I first started back I did have quite a few sickies as ds was ill quite a bit. I think they do get a bit bombarded with germs at first so they catch everything going. It did settle down pretty soon though, plus I started to be a bit more relaxed about it. Mind you, I do have a fantastic childminder who won't mind them coming if they've got a cold or something. I don't know what I'd do if I had to take time off every time he had a cold.

lovelysongbirddrippinginblood · 14/10/2008 20:21

emma, please could you look at my thread here
hope you don't mind me asking you, but it's dhs cancer 2ww thing tomorrow.

sunshine, i have no idea what its like, but i think its like most things the thought is often worse than the realitiy, i hope it goes well for you.
good luck

Podrick · 14/10/2008 20:37

I had to go back when my dd was just 6 months old, just 3 days a week and my mum looked after her.

It wasn't what I wanted to do so it felt crap, but it was needs must and the best of a bad job. My job pays well but is very stressful and with zero job satisfaction. I also had a great social life at home, better than at work. If you find your social life better at work than at home and you get job satisfaction from your work then at least you will get more benefits from working than the purely financial ones that I had. My dd is 9 years old and I still really wish that I had not had to work while she was under five. The plus side is that my dd has a great relationship with her grandparents and has always been happy as the day is long. But the same is not true for me.

I do however still have financial independance from continuing to work and that is of value to me.

pamelat · 14/10/2008 20:53

Reading this thread has made me feel more positive.

I go back (PT) in January when my DD will be 1.

I am looking forward to being by "myself" for a bit. I won't be alone at work but you know what I mean. I have found being a mum to be exhausting. At least at work I will be able to go to the loo, make my lunch, check my emails etc etc.

However, I have an irrational (?) worry that once I am back at work DD won't love me as much. At the moment she is with me every day, we socialise a lot so she loves people and other babies, but I am a pretty constant factor in her life. At the age of 1, how do you explain that mummy "has" to go to work? I am dreading leaving her in case it upsets her.

I think I am influened by the fact that my own mum was a SAHM and believes that I should be. I get criticised for putting DD in a creche one a week for an HOUR!!

MiniDoofa · 15/10/2008 01:43

I went back to work (3 days) in May when dd was 8 months. She loves nursery, they're always telling me how happy she is! I really enjoy being at work, as others have said, the chance to read on the train and have some adult chat are a real treat!!

I'm really happy with the nursery and I think that's really important. I like their approach and they're really sensible, like if she's more tired one day they'll give her an extra nap rather than making her just cope till hometime. We spent about 3 weeks doing gradualy longer visits to help her settle in, she thought it was great from day one, so much to watch and play with!!

Only drawback is that dd has been constantly unwell with ear infections (now has grommets) my work has been very understanding about time off/switching days. Its good that you have her grandparents around to help out when she gets a cold and everyone says they have to get these things to build their immunity (though generally not the people who are up dealing with a sick kid half the night!).

Must say that I think we have been more unlucky than most with the amount of bugs she's had and many of my friends who returned to work at the same time had nothing more than a few colds to cope with.

All in all definitely worth doing as was beginning to lose sanity being at home all the time. I also now enjoy the time I am at home more than i did before.

Good luck

earthpixie · 15/10/2008 09:30

Fine actually. I miss DS and sometimes look at his photo with a smile - but I'm look forward to seeing him later.

I do like talking to adults about non-child issues and having the occassional moment to drink a hot beverage1

Goldberry · 15/10/2008 10:46

I'm a teacher about to go back to work too. DS will be 7 months old. I went part time after having DD 3 years ago and was surprised how much I enjoyed being back at work. It helps that I have a fantastic childminder (and that I work at a school with very nice kids!). I'm not sure being part time actually helps that much tbh - you do spend more time with the kids, but have so little spare time while at work to prepare, mark etc. One really helpful thing is to try to prepare dinner for lo and possibly yourself the day before so you only have to heat something up. That way you can spend more of the short time you have with them at the end of the day. And they are often starving when they get home too!I think it's the variety that makes it so good - some adult time, some time with the children. Keeps me sane anyway...

BlueChampagne · 15/10/2008 12:58

Went back 4 days a week when DS 6 months, and am right there with Earthpixie. You appreciate the time with them, and also the time to be a grown-up. Best of both worlds IMHO.

WentworthMillerMad · 15/10/2008 14:19

hi sunshine - i went back to work in august as a teacher, part time and so far so good. i have 3 children under 5 so it worked out cheaper to find a nanny happy to work/be paid in the term time only. i found a local mum with older kids and its working brilliantly. totally agree with caz, i am always rushing to finish so i can leave early etc but i make sure i have half an hour lunch to talk to other adults so there are advantages!!!! i find i enjoy my days with my 3 more now as well - feels more special and we really need the money / pension etc.
good luck!!

33k · 15/10/2008 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fleacircus · 16/10/2008 10:34

Also a teacher - I went back FT in July when DD was 6mths, and it was horrendous, I was so sad and also the situation at work was appalling. But since September it's been much better, I'm actually enjoying it, although fitting everything into the day is tricky (picking DD up from the CM adds over an hour to the end of my day). I think I just went back before I was ready the first time and the end of the summer term was a bit of a nightmare. DD does 3 days with a CM and one with my mum, and I've gone down to 4 days. She's settled really well into her new routine, has met lots of other babies through the groups that the CM takes her to and obviously really enjoys herself!

cazzzz · 16/10/2008 11:41

Hi

I went back to work part time when older son started school (4) and younger son was 20 months. (Now 7 and 4).

I agree that "a change is as good as a rest" and it's nice to use your brain in a different way.

However i really recommend PT over FT work if it's financially possible.

Although pre-school children can be exhausting, you never get that space and time to spend with them again. I can see the difference in development between my first and second child (second child lagging) and although this isn't entirely due to work, it does sadden me that I've lost that time with my second child, and he has felt it too. The plus side is that he is less demanding - I think he is more used to slotting in with everyone else's lives.

I agree quality childcare is really important - don't be afraid to change if you're not happy. Back up relatives are also really useful, but not alwasy readily available!

Botbot · 16/10/2008 14:14

It was fine for me. Felt a bit wobbly in the first few weeks but it all clicked into a routine very quickly. Now I can't imagine doing anything else. DD loves nursery and I really enjoy being back at work - have been back for nearly 2 years.

I also found there were some unexpected positive aspects to it, such as suddenly seeing my commute as precious me-time rather than a daily chore, and finding work a lot less stressful than I used to because it really isn't the most important thing in my life any more.

shellki · 16/10/2008 15:02

Going back to work part-time saved me from a nervous break down! I was going mad at home, and taking it all out on DH in the evenings... It was hard putting DD into child care, but it all went really well, and I am so glad to have done it. I am now preg with num 2 and wonder will it goe as well with two children, but plan to go back to working part time as well.

RamblingRosa · 16/10/2008 16:16

Not as bad as I expected. Job just as boring as ever and very stressful leaving DD at nursery at first but as she's settled it's got loads easier. It's actually really nice to sit down (with free internet access and MN!) with a cup of tea and a biscuit without having to hold or watch a baby!

elkiedee · 16/10/2008 16:45

It's not so bad though it depends on how you feel about the job, and as someone has said, how happy you are with your childcare, and you won't know until you're there really. I returned full time to a rather dull job when ds was 10 months, he loves being at his childminder, he's often quite impatient to get ready to go in the morning. dp has been taking him to the park most days after work, and when not possible I've left earlier and done it, that's not going to work much longer as it's getting too dark though, but we'll still try and take him out somewhere every weekend day even if it's very local cafes and daytime walks in the park.

I'm going on maternity leave again in January after just 10 months back though, the fact that I was only back a few weeks, maybe 2 months, and then I've been coping with pregnancy (sick, tired) etc has probably affected how I feel!

robinia · 16/10/2008 16:45

I went back to work 2 days a week after dd was born and hated it. Exactly the same job as before (another teacher here) but hated not being with her. Also stressed about not being able to breastfeed her during the day. When I got pregnant with ds a year later I couldn't wait to hand in my notice and, now with five children, have never regretted it.

One day, when the children are older, I will go back to work but it will be something very flexible.

I know it's not what you want to hear and the chances are you will be fine - but you will not be alone if you don't like it.

clarabellabella · 16/10/2008 17:13

It is so great to read these posts! I don't have kids (yet) but have been lurking on MN to see what's going on in the world of motherhood.

My mom, and one of my SILs are very firmly in the SAHM camp and my mom has, for years, told me how terrible it is for women to work (seriously) and why don't they stay at home with their children, where they're supposed to be, it's such a tragedy for everyone (and so on). I love working. I really need intellectual stimulation otherwise I get INCREDIBLY cranky and miserable. However, reading here that it can work and that children and parents can both be happy with mothers working makes me feel much, much more positive about being a mother one day. Thank you

robinia · 16/10/2008 22:37

But please don't assume that those who choose the SAHM option are somehow devoid of intellect. Those of us who want to are quite capable of finding intellectually stimulating activities to keep our brains ticking over.

Csuti · 17/10/2008 09:58

I wasn't quite ready to go back but didn't really have a choice (he was 5 and half months). After I got over feeling guilty, it was fine. And I discovered being an adult again. And having adult food for lunch with no mushy bits. And speaking in a normal voice to people, who understood what I was saying. Whereas I was able to deal with stressed out men at work much more easily by treating them like little boys. Plus with all the extra stress and running around I lost all the remaining baby weight. All in all, pretty much a success!

sunflower2112 · 17/10/2008 12:49

Hi everyone, It's been great reading all the postings about going back to teaching, as I am thinking of going back to supply now that baby is 10mths and I'm going slowly mad at home with him all day, or having to get us to the baby groups for an hour or so, then it's back to just him and me, again for the rest of the day.
I'm expecting again, so will be going back to supply as don't think I'll be able to land a permanent with being pregnant; any thoughts, has anyone been in that situ?
Also, any of you gone back to supply after having baby?
Lastly, sorry, although I have two chn, 10mth old and a 10year old, I'm not savvy on the mumsnet jargon - I know that dh=dear husband? but what about the other abbrev?
Thanks!

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