Boss questioned me for not attending a voluntary work social

[Assistanceme98]

I did not go to my voluntary work party. When I came to work my boss talked down to me. Saying why did I not come we had food and lots of other people went. I said I it was not for me. He said I think you would have liked it and got to spend time with people. He said this in a polite way but I found it insulting.

Just ignore the boss, they don't get to say what you do with your free time.

Which part was insulting? You're allowed to not to go & he's allowed to say he thought you'd have liked it.

The only reason for finding that insulting is deep down you feel you should have gone. Im not making judgement one way or another, you had no obligation to go, at the same time he was entitled to say what he did. So your reaction to it is the basis of my comment.

Insulting in what way, I can't work out where there's an insult unless you've missed out something

It sounds a fairly innocuous conversation to me

I'm wondering if you join in with much at work in the normal day to day. If you don't mix well, then maybe boss might be trying to encourage you to join in a bit more. Although that is intrusive in itself, it's probably meant well.

On the other hand if boss is having words with you about your non attendance at a "voluntary" party, well that's none of his/her business, but really s/he may have just been wondering generally why you weren't there. If s/he didn't accept your reason, then that would be very annoying alright.

Why would you find it insulting?

Not sure what/why you felt insulted. He asked a question and you answered - unless there was more to it, you're overthinking it.

Your boss didn’t insult you.

It was voluntary. You were not being paid and it was not in the Company's time. Full stop. He has no reason to say anything about you not going.

Insulting how?

It's not insulting. He may well have asked because he would like to have seen you be included, and wanted you to know that you'd be very welcome next time.

I thought from the title that he'd scolded you for not going. But no, he just shoved encouraging to me

In what way was he insulting?

Are you sure you haven't misunderstood the conversation, oh Sally that was a shame you weren't there last night, we had food and everything! Try to come next time.

People saying something to you which makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, or something that you don’t particularly appreciate is not insulting.

Was it that you felt he was questioning your ability to be 'friends' with others and it would be 'good for you' in a condescending way?

It doesn’t sound insulting unless there’s more to this / back story. Maybe you’re being over sensitive and have taken him up wrong. Do you live on your own? Hence, possibly he was trying to encourage you to mix when he said “I think you would have liked it and got to spend time with people”. He may think you’re lonely that’s all.

The thing is this shit isnt really voluntary.

So he politely suggested you might have enjoyed it and you somehow took offence anyway?

You weren't reprimanded, you weren't interrogated on your non-attendance, or told that your presence was expected next time. He was polite.

If you think that your boss politely asking you something is insulting (and your negative attitude showed in your face and voice when you were answering), then your career won't be taking off any time soon.

This sounds like a reverse

Shit like this is why I keep despairing of neurotypical culture.

If an event is not voluntary, why lie and say it is? And if it's not voluntary, I want time off in lieu or overtime pay.

A boss who wants me to stay late engaging in social activity with the people I work with can give me TOIL or fuck off.

As her boss I disagree. It’s a power imbalance.

Neurodiverse people can also enjoy parties! Even introverts sometimes have fun socialising.

There is nothing wrong with what the boss said, he was possibly trying to be inclusive to make sure you don’t feel excluded from future events. It’s also fine for you to just say parties aren’t really your thing.

It doesn't seem like the boss was saying attendance was compulsory, more like he was saying she might enjoy it

But who knows as it doesnt look like @Assistanceme98 is coming back to explain the insult

It doesn't sound like he put any pressure on you to be there. You might have enjoyed it.