How to tell work i can't cope with all the last minute changes?

[inkgirl]

So my job usually means same shifts every week same time. I like that because it makes it easier to plan things and appointments around work. Towards the end of last year I took on another client, great more hours. However recently the clients grandad has been asking me to work longer, changing things last minute for example times I'm working or days I'm working. He tells me last minute what I'm doing on shift. I need to know in advance due to having to pay for public transport which they are meant to for me as its in the contract they often don't. I feel so guilty that I'm struggling with the consent changes and not knowing the shifts they ask last minute if I can work. For example tonight theyve messaged asking if I can do an extra shift tursday knowing I can't because I have other clients. I dont know how to tell my manager that I'm struggling with this client, at first it was fine now its getting too much, I dread going to work. I don't know if its because I am autistic that I'm struggling or if this is something most people would struggle with. My clients grandad has made me feel guilty when I cant do a shift due to an appointment or because I'm ill.

are you a carer/personal assistant? Just wondering why someone’s grandad is instructing you?

Could you say to your manager that you need to know at least 1 week in advance as that helps you organise yourself better (or make childcare arrangements or whatever) and also means you are able to service your clients needs better. Ask if you can tell the client that you need to know at least a week in advance - that would seem reasonable to me.

Im a support worker/ PA i do both roles with this client I'm struggling with.

Surely it’s an ask, not a demand. if you think you’d struggle with a full face to face meeting with your manager put it in writing to your manager, factually not emotively, and say you’d like to follow up in person to discuss

My manager has told them that I need to know more in advance and its made no difference 😔

Usually it is an ask, like tonight was an ask if I could do tuesday, but Usually feels more of a demand as I can be made to feel guilty for not being able to do a shift he wants me to do

Start saying 'no'.

practice different ways of saying no. Sorry I can’t tonight. Sorry I have plans. Sorry that doesn’t work for me. Sorry it’s too short notice.

This is not to do with you being autistic. They sound like utter pricks. They shouldn’t be changing things around last minute. Everyone is entitled to know their working hours to arrange childcare, transports and social events!

Then just keep on saying "Sorry, no. I don't work on Thursdays", or whatever. If you already have a client on the day Grandad wants you, just explain that you are already booked up on that day. Try to get into the mindset that they are just asking if you are available and the later they leave it, the less likely you are to be available. Keep repeating "I need a week's notice ".

Develop a lit of responses to requests that you can’t (or don’t want) to do. And a couple of responses to the way he guilts you. And a third response that directs him to your manager if he keeps going. Run them past your manager and then just use them. Over and over again.

Make up a flow chart, if it helps, so you can see that you’re following the process as you’ve laid it out. Put the instructions they have received next to the flow chart so you have a visual confirmation that you aren’t doing anything wrong - they are.

Also, if he isn’t paying your transport tell your manager, every time, and ask for support getting the money you are owed. Keep a ledger of the money they owe you.

I'm glad to hear its not my autism and that it is more them not given me enough notice and always changing things

Do you have supervision meetings?We used to have ours every 6 weeks for a 2 hour block. Any issues woukd be raised and resolved there.

If not you need to skip tome with your manager and explain what's going on and get boundaries re established.

but Usually feels more of a demand as I can be made to feel guilty for not being able to do a shift he wants me to do

Absolutely no need to feel guilty. He is trying to make you feel guilty, he may be trying to persuade you or manipulating you but you are in charge of your feelings. Try to remember that and just say confidently 'im sorry, i sm unable to do that' Dont sound like you are thinking about it or look guilty, just be firm. Honestly, the more you say it, the easier it gets. People will stop taking you for an easy touch.

You are actually in the position of power here. He can demand, but only you can choose to comply.

Ask your manager to remind him that last minute changes won’t be accommodated. And simply don’t change. Go at the arranged time.

Personally I would stick with "I am afraid it is too short notice, as I and manager have told you, we need at least 2 weeks notice"

Next request..."I am afraid it is too short notice, as I....etc"

Broken record is the only thing that works with people like this.

And why the hell isnt your manager chasing up you not being paid for your transport? Are you in one of those "self employed but not really" jobs?

Surely your time is booked via your manager and not direct with you. The company have the contract with the client, and you with the company.
You will be better at your job with boundaries in place and Clients will respect you more.

I do, they are every 6 months so I'm due one on a couple of months. They are usually for an hour.
He's been spoken to a few times by management saying I need more notice with shift changes and knowing what I'll be doing on shift as this always changes.

Nope not self employed. Ive not spoken to management about it yet will be today if I'm made to pay for my own transport again

Im a PA for this client as well as his support worker so I'm first point of call when asking what shifts can be done

What does it say in your contract re transport costs? You might find it helpful to speak with ACAS.

Just draft a polite message back

hi - unfortunately due to other commitments I’m unable to accommodate this request - moving forward if you require additional assistance best to give two weeks notice so that I can try to plan accordingly

I agree, OP doesn’t need to go into detail on why, just ‘no sorry I only work X day/no my scheduled shifts are xyz this week/I need 2 weeks notice to consider a change of shift’.

You are going to have to work on your resilience, the reason these ad-hoc requests are feeling so demanding as you want to please and do a good job, a lovely quality but I'm afraid you are the one suffering and you will be taken advantage of. Work on your boundaries and trying not to dwell over their reaction when you do say you can't accommodate. You will feel a whole lot better!

That my client is meant to pay for my public transport whilst on shift