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Original poster

I have been taking a day off or two almost every week since I went back to work.

62 replies

yukes · 12/02/2013 10:32

In last November, I went back to work from my maternity leave. As I have a baby (Now 10-month old) in a nursery, he so often gets something from there. You name it, conjunctivitis, temperature, runny nose/bottom etc. They have a rule for each symptom that a baby is banned to come back. Now, the older one got ill (he rarely gets ill nowadays) and have to take time off to stay with him at home. I am feeling so guilty and started to feel worried that my boss one day will say to me that I'm no longer needed there. I know there is nothing to do, but I just wanted to speak to anyone who might have a similar situation...

OP posts:
BlueyDragon · 12/02/2013 10:37

Been there done that, yukes. It's really stressful, I totally sympathise. It does get better as they get more robust. Do you have a DP around to help, or family/friends who might help? DH did his fair share of covering sick days, without that it would have been much harder. And we bent until they nearly snapped hovered around the edges of our nursery's sick policy sometimes, but it sounds as though ours was less draconian than yours.

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 10:48

Ohh...thank you BlueyDragon! So it is not just me. By only knowing that it is not just me, it makes me feel better. I do have some help from my husband's family, particularly my in-law mum. But she has a bit of complex in her immune system, I don't have any help when kids are ill. However, I know out there there are a lot of people who have NO help at all, so I shouldn't compalin... Oh well, as you say, it gets better not getting worse, so I should just hang in there... My boss is arranging a remote access from home for me now so that will make it easier I believe. I'm sorry for bubbling.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 12/02/2013 10:58

Hi yukes. My kids are a lot older but I have been through this too so I can sympathise. It will get better, promise!

It sounds like you've already done this but I would speak to your boss and let him know that you are aware that you have taken a lot of time off and that you would like to know if there is anything you can do to make things easier for both of you and to minimise the impact on the business. (It sounds positive that he/she's arranging for you to be able to work from home.) And show her/him that projects you work on at home will get done; perhaps a couple of emails throughout the day with updates. (Is she/he allowing you to work from home instead of taking holiday?)

Above and beyond that, on the days when you are able to work in the office, I would try and get in early, take minimum breaks and stay extra if possible, working in the evenings and weekends to finish off projects that could run behind deadline.

Always keep the lines of communciation open with your boss and other than that, don't feel guilty!

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 12:59

Hello Numberlock.... You are almost making me cry now... "don't feel guilty"... Thanks so much for your kind words.

Yes, I have asked my boss if I could get a remote access from home for me to work when I have to stay at home. He has arranged and approved it quickly and it is on its way. As you mentioned, I really wanted to think that it was a positive sign as my boss has done that for me.

I think we all have to get through this difficult period. After that, it will get much easier and happier. Thank you so much for your encouragement. :-)

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 12/02/2013 13:04

it's rubbish isn't it? Can your DH take some more of the burden from you? It does stop btw, they suddenly stop getting ill all the time after about 6 months.

flowery · 12/02/2013 13:21

Make sure your DH is doing his fair share and taking time off half the time. You doing it all the time is the surest way to irritate your boss, although he seems pretty understanding at the moment.

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 13:27

Hi DontmindifIdo. I take DH as my husband, am I wrong? Well, it is always the topic of our argument whenever our kids get ill. He says "I can't take a day off tomorrow". That really annoys me because it really sounds like my job is OK to take a day off at anytime and I can take it at anytime. It always ends up with me taking time off not him. He is a manager of a small team so he thinks he has to go there to manage the team. While I am not a manager but I don't think it matters, does it? My older son was exactly like my baby, getting ill all the time when he was a baby as well. However, he rarely gets ill now! So I have to swallow all the complain and pain and wait till the storm goes!?

OP posts:
brainonastick · 12/02/2013 13:30

Can you look into alternative childcare - eg my childminder will still take them with a cold, so long as they aren't too miserable, and conjuctivitus, so long as they are having AB drops. The only no-nos are sickness and diarrhoea (and even then, she's experienced enough to know when its sickness or a runny bottom caused by eg teething or a cold, and so isn't too worried then).

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 13:31

Hi flowery. Yeah, I thought that would be very fair. However, as I mentioned in my previous message. I believe that it will get easier for everyone when I have an access to work from home. For me, my husband (as there will be less arguments), my boss and of course my children.

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 12/02/2013 13:33

This happened a friend of mine, it was cheaper for her in the end to get a nanny - is that an option?

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 13:35

Hi brainonastick. That was the direction we were looking at to start with. However, we didn't find anyone good around our area and it sounded more expensive than day nursery and after school club. Childcare is really expensive here....

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Numberlock · 12/02/2013 13:41

Yukes For some reason I read your first post as though you didn't have a partner (it was early, I must have been half asleep... ). It's unacceptable that he refuses to do his fair share and you take all the time off! This really makes me angry.

I think you need to be having strong words with him...

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 13:51

ha ha! Numberlock... Probably I put a centence "I needed to talk to someone similar" kind of thing, which might've sounded like I have no one to talk to..!?
Welll, I have a husband, who usually helps a lot regarding children things particularly. However, I got the impression that he couldn't come out of the old-fashioned idea of men, ie. taking time off for children's sineness. Although he is a manager, he has a boss, line manager, so he would have to tell the person about it. He seems to have a bit of reservation about telling them about it!? I don't know...

OP posts:
FunnysInLaJardin · 12/02/2013 13:54

this is the very reason I use a CM. The only time she won't have DS2 is when he has a sickness bug. Colds etc are not a problem

Numberlock · 12/02/2013 14:42

Send him to me, yukes, I'll soon rid him of his ridiculous sexist notions!

sausagesandwich34 · 12/02/2013 14:49

hate to put a dampner on this but your employer can take steps in this situation

whilst you are protected to a certain extent by the fact it is emergency childcare, you aren't actually fulfilling your contract at the moment and if you can't show that you have exhausted all possible alternatives to alternative childcare then they can take action

alternative emergency childcare can and does include the other parent so tell your OH to pull his head out of his arse and take a day off -I take it your income does contribute to the family pot and isn't just pocket money

some men can me a PITA when it comes to this but my manager has taken time off when his DC or his wife have been poorly and everyone goes on about what a saint he is

Numberlock · 12/02/2013 14:51

everyone goes on about what a saint he is

Don't get me started on that, sausage...

DontmindifIdo · 12/02/2013 14:58

Right, you need to sit your DH down, and show him how many days over how many weeks you've had off. Ask him what he'd think of one of his employees who took this much time off for sick DCs.

Tell him either he does his fair share of it, or you accept that you both working full time isn't compatitable with having preschool DCs, which will cost X amount in the family budget (what you earn minus the childcare and commuting costs) and Y amount out of your retirement income (when you give up work, you give up earning a pension too, it's not just your current income this effects).

He needs to start taking a turn on this. You can do it alone, but as you aren't a single parent, why should you?

Original poster
yukes · 12/02/2013 15:08

Umm... everyone's comments made me wonder if this is just my hubby who wouldn't like to take a day off.. Does everyone's husband take a day off in turn? I mean, is it really equally accepted when men took it!?

OP posts:
ilovemountains · 12/02/2013 15:11

Yes, and yes, in my workplace at least.

DontmindifIdo · 12/02/2013 15:12

My DH has taken more time off than me when DS has been sick.

badguider · 12/02/2013 15:14

Where I work men take time as much as women (we have some married couples so it's all the same to the business really which is off).
The best option is generally if they take half a day each so one goes in the morning, rearranges their workload and takes work home for the afternoon and the other stays home in the morning but comes in for the afternoon and maybe stays on a bit later than normal.

Numberlock · 12/02/2013 15:19

Does everyone's husband take a day off in turn?

I think it's really bad that you even have to ask that question in the year 2013. (Meant as a reflection on your husband, not you by the way.) Sad

From the day my boys were born, my (now ex-) husband took equal time off. Of course there were days when he just couldn't arrange things, as there were with me. But we have always achieved a 50-50% of childminder/school drop-offs; time off due to illness; taking to dentist, doctor, orthodontist appointments etc etc.

Even since we've been divorced (ten years now), the arrangement has always been the same. I wouldn't accept anything less.

WiseKneeHair · 12/02/2013 15:21

Yes, here too. My DH has taken more time off with the DC than I have.
What happens when if your DC1 gets chickenpox? And then gives it to DC2? Are you going to take 4 weeks off, whilst your DH works as normal?
This isn't a purely hypothetical question. I have 3 DC, They have all had chicken pox.

Booyhoo · 12/02/2013 15:24

is your husband in the NHS, like a nurse/paramedic or a care assistant or something? that would be the only sort of jobs i wouldn't expect him to take off work for unless absoloutely necessary.

otherwise then yes, he absoloutely should be sharing the responsibility for childcare and that means splitting illness leave with you so your career isn't being unfairly compromised while his remains intact. his penis doesn't give him more entitlement to work than you.