I have been taking a day off or two almost every week since I went back to work.

[yukes]

In last November, I went back to work from my maternity leave. As I have a baby (Now 10-month old) in a nursery, he so often gets something from there. You name it, conjunctivitis, temperature, runny nose/bottom etc. They have a rule for each symptom that a baby is banned to come back. Now, the older one got ill (he rarely gets ill nowadays) and have to take time off to stay with him at home. I am feeling so guilty and started to feel worried that my boss one day will say to me that I'm no longer needed there. I know there is nothing to do, but I just wanted to speak to anyone who might have a similar situation...

[Numberlock]

If he is a decent manager, his team will cope fine without him being there, because they will know what to do

Excellent point, ihear. The mark of a good manager is one where the team runs smoothly in her/his absence.

Sadly a lot of managers think the opposite is true.

[choceyes]

Well my DCs are 4.3yrs and 2.5yrs and we've gone a whole year without the DCs needing time off nursery due to illness. It does get much much better.

[musicalfamily]

We also share the childcare responsibilities equally, and all the couples i know from school where both parents work it is the same. I have seen plenty of dads on pick up with sick child on toe.

Sadly as many many people now do not live near families or relatives who can help, they have to rely on each other to cope. You could argue that both mine and DH's careers have suffered because of this but at least we are in the same boat!!

We have 4 children and it would be impossible for me to hold down a professional job AND take all the time off needed. It's a team effort!! Even the working from home thing isn't really a solution, because it is really stressful and hard work to try and work at home with a sick toddler or young child, so although it helps I think you should still have a word with your husband.

[MousyMouse]

can you share the time off better?
when dc are ill I go in very early and come back around lunch, so have around 5 hours of work done the rest of it I can make up over the rest of the week by only having a quick desk lunch. dh then goes to work and works later. both our works are fine with this agreement.

[milktraylady]

Dear OP (original poster) DH means dear husband, by the way

[Dozer]

It is bad form to "work from home" with sick, v young DC, my employer (v reasonable) doesn't allow it, we use a lot of annual leave. Agree with others that CMs much btter than nursery for illness. Imo nurseries should publish info on sickness absence rates. We are in similar situation, I take more time off than DH as my employer is better and his job less secure, but today I was in tears over the time off have had, feeling that colleagues think me flakey and how behind I am. My DC are 5 and 2.

[BlueyDragon]

Your DH needs to step up, yukes. Splitting the childcare responsibilities no longer means Daddy does playing and Mummy does everything else. My DH and I worked it out a bit like Pacific [quick wave to Pacific] - who could most easily take the time? It depended on who had last taken time off, whether either of us had to be in the office (and that was absolute necessity, not just "I have lots of meetings" or "My team can't survive without me") and anything else relevant. Both sets of employers were and are supportive; many employers have parent and carer policies and/or diversity policies that support equal parenting. If both of you are working, it is only fair to share the load.

Working from home with a poorly child never works out very well in my experience. I would get stuff done when my children were asleep and in the evening but you never know when and for how long they will sleep and it's best, I think, to highlight the fact that you won't be immediately available to your line manager to manage his/her expectations. DH and I tried as far as possible to minimise the times where the same person had to cover two days in a row which helped.

Please don't feel guilty and please tell your DH that this is the UK in the 21st century!

[BlueyDragon]

Un-MN hug for Dozer.

[yukes]

Please don't feel guilty and please tell your DH that this is the UK in the 21st century!

Thank God you are saying the exactly same thing as I said to my DH!
The thing that wouldn't make it better is that DH's mother is almost on his side. Almost hinting that I should be with DC and mu DH has to be at work to manage the team unlike me. Most shocking thing was that my DH said last night that he had more responsibilities in his role than I do in mine, so that I should take a time off when DC is ill. Shocking.. or am I oversensitive about the comment???

[hotbot]

Dh and I share the responsibility. For what it's worth, I earn twice what my husband does and manage a team, I wouldn,t dream of not taking my turn! It takes 2 to make a baby after all.

[BackforGood]

Of course dh did his fair share! 2 parents, both out working, both trying to juggle that with managing childrens' illnesses.

I like don'tmindifIdo's suggestion on P1. If he manages a team, how would your dh respond if one of them was taking days off almost every week ? . I'm amazed any employee thinks it's acceptable to be doing that, tbh. You need to point out to him that, unless he takes his turn, then you are soon likely to be without a job, and see if he's happy being the only one with a job. If you were my colleague, I'd not be very happy to be continually having to take on work you weren't doing.

[BlueyDragon]

I don't think you're being over-sensitive, no. Unless your DH is running the country/Barack Obama, then he can take occasional days off. Even they get holidays. What would happen if your DH fell under the proverbial bus? They would survive. I'm not wishing that on anyone, just making the point that no-one's indispensable.

Competitive anything - job responsibilities, tiredness, amount of time spent doing childcare/ own thing - never works out well IME.