The Bluestocking: it's the season of mulled wine, conversations about pineapple and, of course, gerbils. Confused? You will be...

[EdithStourton]

Welcome to the anarchic and marvellous women-only on-line pub, the Bluestocking. The booze won't give you a hangover, the cakes won't make you fat, and the conversations are fascinating, covering knitting, health and safety, the Muppets and anything else that comes to mind.

Climb Peak Woo, have a cuddle with Rosie the Red Panda, and watch out for capybaras busy with any necessary building works.

Welcome in (and name change at the door if you need too).

That sounds like a special anniversary though I’m not sure what substance would be most appropriate for a gift.

Hello, can I creep in? I've had my nose pressed against the window for a while and you've finally made me sign up. Never thought that would happen but I want to be in the wood panelled bars with the dragons and otters and all.

Please pass on my thanks and appreciation. The gerbils always know what is required!

Welcome. Sit down near the fire to get warm, and ask a waitgerbil for a drink.

Thank you so much. I shall try not to put my foot in it, as I have been prone to that online in the past.

Happy anniversary, Genius.

The Black Bat who is (a) very nice and friendly, and (b) is called Night, has flown, and in fact plans to hibernate for a few months. Maud could step out into the garden to check if she feels the need.

I suggest she avoids any oddball blokes lurking alone near the gate.

Greetings. The gerbil took a guess at red wine (or ribena)

Hello LordEmsworthsGirlfriend. Nice to see you- please come in and join the fun.

Thank you, how lovely! Definitely wine rather than Ribena.

Why does Errol look like she's deciding whether to eat @LordEmsworthsGirlfriend or not?

I always feel so safe when it's your turn on guard duty, Edith.

Vinyl, surely?

I thought she looked smitten. In fact we all do. Welcome, LEG - d'you mind if I call you LEG?

Why are you holding a match, Boily? And wearing a kilt? And dancing? And in possession of only 4 mismatched legs? So many questions. Life is very confusing today. wanders sadly back to her lab, shaking her head

I'm patrolling outside. I could only find a musket in the attic, and they take a while to load, so I've brought a couple of loaders to assist.

Perfect!

Well she is rather beautiful!

I was supposed to be doing the highland fling using a match as the log. But as usual Co Pilot was only half paying attention!

I have no idea what happened to my legs.

The capybaras can put their hand to anything can't they! You wouldn't think it to look at them.

I have no idea what happened to my legs.

I've had evenings like that. Some years ago, admittedly.

It’s ok, I was momentarily thinking I’d be meeting the Empress of Blandings.

Wikipedia tells me that the significant person in Lord Emsworth and The Girlfriend is called Gladys.

Welcome, @LordEmsworthsGirlfriend! I have been waiting for you to join us for a whole year.

So, lovely Bluestockingers, it wasn’t AsWithGladness, but AsWithGladys 😘

BTW, @LordEmsworthsGirlfriend , I answer to Glad here.

Are you happy to stick with LEG or do you want to be Glad, too?

G names??

Does that mean you and @LordEmsworthsGirlfriend are actually gerbils identifying as humans!

La La La.

It is a long-established fact (ie it was mentioned once or twice) that I am a Penguin.

Anything at all. I'm just Glad if I'm not getting myself into trouble!

Sorry, it's going to take me a while to find out how things work here. I went cold turkey on message boards a few years ago, I'm a bit nervous.

I do not identify as a Penguin. I am one. It costs me £5 per year.