DS is buying oestrogen off the internet

[Snowinsummer]

What do I do? DS told us at Christmas that he was trans (it had never come up previously).

He is on the spectrum & easily influenced.

He has had a friendship at uni with a trans man who is 20 years older.

I have always been gender critical & he knows this.

Tonight he has told us he's bought oestrogen off the internet from the Ukraine, as he doesn't want to wait for the NHS.

I am so upset & sick & feel like asking him to move out.

He has just graduated but has come home for a year before potentially starting a masters and he has a job in a coffee shop starting tomorrow.

Has anyone been through this & can offer some advice?

Well, obviously he. can't take any old medicine that's ordered off the internet. It could literally be anything and even if it is what it says it is, there's no guarantee that the dosage wouldn't be deadly. (I was going to say harmful but any artificial female hormone is going to be harmful for him.)

If he's adamant he's 'trans' get him on a lovely long NHS waiting list for breathing space. Just say you refuse to commit a crime in your house and won't have any illegal and unknown substances in your house.

As a autism mum I don't know what you can do with an adult tbh, I'm terrified of having to fight for my child against this harmful ideology in future. So just a handhold from me.

he's bought oestrogen off the internet from the Ukraine

If he is a logical thinker I'd start here, apart from the fact that internet meds are dodgy there's a war raging in The Ukraine and I find it hard to believe there are factories there making drugs to post here.

It's injected hormones - I thought it would be pills?? He has no training in injecting himself, or had his blood levels taken etc.
I am so very concerned

How can he be certain what he is injecting? I would be making him a GP appointment to see if they can talk him out of this. So dangerous!!

Internet meds are dodgy and it is extremely stupid to take something like oestrogen without being under the care of a doctor to monitor your heart, blood pressure etc.

However plenty of Ukrainian businesses are still functioning and sending out goods to the rest of the world ; I don’t buy that it being Ukraine makes it any less likely to be real.

I would be wary of asking him to move out, as it allows this to drive more of a wedge between him and the people who care about him. Would he consult his GP about the risks? Or agree to you and him doing some research on the evidence base and risks? Do you think he will be bothered injecting or is it likely to be filed in the too hard box and he'll move on?

Share destransition videos with him. Let him know your view again and say you can't support his hurting himself.

Is it legal to buy medication without prescription from Ukraine? Can you report it to the police? Or even the post office - presumably they won't want to deliver something that is illegal (although I know it may come via another courier / delivery service but the same applies to whoever is delivering).

They are injecting themself with needles from an unknown source, with unknown substance in it!

Honestly, above the trans issue, I'd take them for a blood bourne virus check and a health check up.

Don't want to alarm you OP but needles bought online have sometimes been "recycled" , so washed and re packed for use/ re sale. Because nefarious people run these scams.

What does he think is going to happen?

Is he taking or planning to take anti-androgens of any sort?

Tbh, estrogen has limited feminising effect on the male body. He might get small moobs of the sort that overweight men get.

Clearly it is very, very stupid to buy drugs over the internet and especially with no monitoring, but he's likely to also be disappointed

I have a family member in very similar circumstances. Autistic, highly influenced by friends and taking hormones ordered online from Russia and China. It's maddening but when someone is determined to do something they will find a way! And with us, not living with family has worsened everything because we can't have regular discussions about everyday normal things, he's in an echo chamber with one focus every day.

The only thing that's helped push it back from a full transition to a non binary situation has been encouraging counselling and not from a "gender specialist"

Thanks for the input.

I have said we won't have illegal unknown substances in the house & if he wants to keep on doing it he must move out.

I said he can sleep on it overnight & let me know in the morning.

Cardiovascular problems run in our family. I can't believe how stupid he is being.

He's 21 - I can't really take him to the doctor unfortunately

I think it might be better to try and help and support your child, rather then throwing them out. This could be a last resort if things won't change but it wouldn't be my first course of action personally.

I had a trans friend who was taking oestrogen and died of an unexplained heart attack very young. Sorry to say something like that when you are scared already but you are right about how stupid this is.

Accept them making a stupid mistake that could end with them dying or infected. Sooo progressive.

forward him facts about side effects, infertility,

forward him some statistical information around the types of people vulnerable to transing (people with autism etc)

get him some weekly counselling

@llangennith I don't know if your words are clumsy or if I'm over sensitive but I really object to how you say your granddaughter was really, really beautiful. If she was a little munter would it been easier or harder in the transition? I'm being flippant and I'm genuinely pleased they have found a new path and happiness but women as a class are more than beautiful. I'm imagining how much pressure this child was under because how everyone responded to how they looked with preconceptions.

OP, I'm very sorry about this situation. Hormones over the internet are not the answer. Regardless of your gender stance you can't condone risky drug taking. Please direct them back to NHS. Is there someone close to the family who is queer or an ally they would listen to to help them see these are not ideological objections but ones based on health?

BobaFeta until in happened in our family I'd probably have held the same view as you.

It is happening all over the place. Plenty of rogd mother's on here, none of whom think the answer is injecting unknown substances with dodgy needles.

Maybe it was clumsy. I was trying to express how much of a shock it was. People assume a girl saying she feels like a boy just be a tomboy or very masculine. She wasn't.

I think I'd pay as much as I could afford for some immediate counselling for him. Surely without a blocker drug his body will still make testosterone. I'd explain that and beg him to wait for his GP to refer him.

Yes, please urge him not to use this medicine and get some proper help.