Children Of Transitioners

[GoodbyePiccadilly]

My father transitioned 35 years ago and it seems like a good time to share my experience with people, particularly other children of transitioners (trans orphans?). Am thinking of creating a web site and collect people's experiences about it for anyone searching for info & perspectives. My father married twice and both of the women involved (including my poor Mum) have experiences I am hoping they will share as well. If you are involved in this issue and have some insight into what it is like to be the child in this situation I would love to hear from you :-)

A website for trans orphans sounds like a wonderful idea. A place for people share stories and support each other.

If you feel like you would like to share your story here please do so.

Hugs

Just popping in to let you know that I’m sorry you had to deal with this and also wanted to bump your thread.

I think your experiences would be incredibly valuable to children going through a similar situation.

Thank you for bumping my post :-)

There is so much to say! My father, who had always felt that he had been 'born in the wrong body', chose my mother because he felt he could manipulate her and she would give him a baby he could 'mother'. She became more and more traumatised by his behaviour, and how he deliberately kept us apart, until she broke down completely. I was looked after by my grandparents for a while and then lived with him during transition. I have seen it all - the narcissism, gaslighting, using money meant for me to fund clothing and socialising, spending lots of time with the sleazy AGP friends (including people working as 'escorts'). To say that this messed me up is an understatement (!). But my story is also one of healing and of helping my mother heal. I am now nearly 50. Of course, back in the 1980s this was highly unusual, but now there must be many children of transitioners.

My Gaia! That sounds horrific. Did you you manage to escape his ‘care’ or were you stick with the selfish creep until adulthood?

There would be the inevitable pile on but it sounds like a great idea, I'm sure trans orphans lurk on the trans widows thread and there have been thread of trans siblings.

Any form of support for people affected would benefit people. Go for it OP!

I’m sorry to read this and to hear how much your mother suffered and for you I am glad to hear you’re both healing and supporting. Thank you for sharing something so personal

Thank you for sharing.

So inappropriate and such a complete lack of self awareness from your father.

I'm glad you and your mother are healing.

I remember in the 80s a man in our village transitioning. His children were very introvert and barely spoke to anyone and rarely saw the mum, A very timid lady. It was a gradual process from an outsiders POV he started wearing frilly aprons gardening and gradually started wearing more feminine clothes etc and make-up. They moved away then.

Part of the problem was definitely the secrecy, having to make things up about who you lived with. We had an exchange trip at school and I couldn't take part because we couldn't have anyone at our house. I couldn't have any friends come to my house. I couldn't talk to my friends about my actual mother. And my father was insistent that I didn't need any outside help, despite the fact I was obviously very damaged. It was so isolating and deliberately so.

Watching with interest in relation to what is currently happening with my brother (child now involved but not with mother and slightly different circumstances).

I am concerned about the situation and do not believe it will end well.

No party involved has put the child first.

That sounds very tough, Goodbye. So you must have been around 14/15 when your father transitioned? Not an easy time for anyone. One might have expected your dad to wait till you'd left home, or at least reached adulthood.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/18/gender-dysmorphia-daughter-dad-woman Always struck by the appalling timing of Jane Fae's announcement too. Daughter due to take AS level exam two days later. She didn't manage to do the exam.

It would be good for young people in this situation to have somewhere where they can be honest about their experiences (positive or negative) rather than being made to drink the kool aid by the woke brigade.

Yes, the operation was at 15-16, but me knowing about it and my dad cross dressing around me was 11-12. I think the damage can be very deep for all kinds of reasons, not least what you absorb about what is 'Male' and 'female'.

Collecting people's experience of a transitioning parent, usually a father, I imagine, would be invaluable, in my opinion.

Sharing experience of coercive control is what makes mumsnet one of the most valuable resources in terms of relationships.

Predicting patterns of behaviour, knowing you're not alone, and understanding that your reactions are entirely normal can be life-saving.

It's particularly poignant with children, isn't it? The conflict and confusion must be crippling.

Well done for speaking out, OP. You are brave.

Thank you for sharing. That sounds horrible for both your mother and yourself. I knew (as I said in a previous post) what you had to say would be valuable. You really should be proud that you have the inner strength to not only stand up to say your piece but to want to reach out to help those going through what you have.

Sorry goodbye. Must of been awful

I can’t imagine my dad saying he was a woman

It would have felt like a lie and him trying to make me pretend he was a a woman

It would have felt like a lie and him trying to make me pretend he was a a woman

Stephanie Davis Arai says that when boys are feted in school for being girls, with all the attendant superficial accoutrements of overly feminine hair, clothes and make up, many girls look at the boy, then at themselves and think if that's a girl, what the hell am I?

Children are like sponges. They are unutterably impressionable. We all know that the flick of an eyebrow, a throwaway comment can be devastating. Having a parent impress upon you, remorselessly, that women are men in dresses, especially with the underlying sexual element, is child abuse.

The entire ideology is shot through with sexism. But there does need to be an official separation of homosexual men with gender dysphoria (who are themselves victims of stereotyping), and men with AGP.

It's comparing apples with pears. They're not the same. And there needs to be an official recognition of the sexual fetish.

It's comparing apples with pears. They're not the same. And there needs to be an official recognition of the sexual fetish.

Neither are women, in case that's not clear.

I'm not sure Datun. The homosexual "type" really are just as bad in their misogyny. There is something inherently misogynistic about believing women don't exist in their own right. Men have been saying this for millennia, that women aren't quite human. It's in literature and politics and law. I just see it as a natural extension of this worldview and I think any non misogynistic gay male couldn't be convinced he was a woman

An essential companion to the Trans Widows thread IMHO.

There is something inherently misogynistic about believing women don't exist in their own right. Men have been saying this for millennia, that women aren't quite human.

Exactly.

Women don't exist, unless a man can be one too.
There is no way for a man to claim ownership of the words female/girl/woman that isn't pure misogyny.
With or without prefix.
Every time a man says he is a 'something-woman' he corrupts the meaning of what we actually are.

And yet there seems to be no public platform upon which we can refuse to dignify men's use of the word that means female, without getting censored.

Sorry for that derail.

OP, I'm sorry for your experience, and hope you can set up a group. And we can be assured that the common thread will be dads doing this to their children. It won't be mums transitioning, will it.

Thank you for starting this thread. I echo others to say this would be such a useful thread. My situation is a sibling not a parent, and have been fortunate not to experience anything like the level of treatment others have had. But I nevertheless find the shared conversation very helpful.

I would be interested in reading about your experiences.

How have things worked out all these years later?

Interesting to read that article by Jane Fae's daughter. She says she's accepted it but still uses male pronouns? I don't think she really believes it even though she loves her dad.

The homosexual "type" really are just as bad in their misogyny. There is something inherently misogynistic about believing women don't exist in their own right.

Miranda Yardley has said that whilst most AGPs are heterosexual that's not true for them all. There are some homosexual AGPs.

I'd you are presenting as an over sexualised anime character insisting you are female even though you are homosexual, I'm not sure how you can really argue that you aren't sexist.