Children Of Transitioners

[GoodbyePiccadilly]

My father transitioned 35 years ago and it seems like a good time to share my experience with people, particularly other children of transitioners (trans orphans?). Am thinking of creating a web site and collect people's experiences about it for anyone searching for info & perspectives. My father married twice and both of the women involved (including my poor Mum) have experiences I am hoping they will share as well. If you are involved in this issue and have some insight into what it is like to be the child in this situation I would love to hear from you :-)

Just boggling at Fae's latest Twitter offering:

Because i have it on very good authrity that there is another massive group of Dirty Bastards who have been known to change their name in expectation of getting a good rogering.

Step forward, er, cis women, most of whom change their name on getting married.

twitter.com/JaneFae/status/1149644058966368256?s=19

I hope Fae's daughter reads up on basic feminism, and the reasons why women traditionally changed their names on marriage (e.g. being designated part of a man's household).

35 years on, my father barely speaks to me and has zero interest in my life. But my relationship with my mother is incredibly strong. The Transsexual Empire has a lot of truth in it. And I think there are parallels with survivors of other kinds of narcissistic fathers.
There is so much pressure on kids not to be the ones with the problem. Questions they ask are seen as ignorant. They are constantly corrected on their language.

Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry that you and other females suffered at the hands of a man.

What you are doing will certainly help others and I hope this empowers them to come forward and find support.

I am sorry you have had to through this OP. I am struck whenever I read accounts of m t f transition, how the impact and feelings of those closest seem to be ignored. In particular, we are responsible for our children, and their welfare must always be our concern having brought them into the world.
It is wonderful that you now have a good relationship with your mum, and very telling that your father shows no interest in you. What a shallow life he has to not appreciate and be involved in the life of his daughter.

Thank you for speaking out. I'm sorry you had to deal with this but heartened that you have strengthened your bond with your mother as a result.

Everything you've written could apply to a friend of mine who has grown up at the beck and call of a narcissistic parent and it would be very interesting to know how far transgender ideology is embedded in narcissim. Surely the transgender insistence that the world must lie in order to support the trans delusion is inherently narcissistic?

This sounds like a very worthwhile project, Piccadilly. As important as hearing the voices of transwidows.
So glad your relationship with your mum survived and flourished.

(I’ve got a narc father too, the patterns are very familiar, even without the AGP. I cut him out completely some years ago, because I didn’t want my kids to be part of his supply. Life is better without him.)

I think any non misogynistic gay male couldn't be convinced he was a woman

I think it can be a subtle kind of ingrained societal misogyny, rather than overt, look at someone like Kenisis, who believes their own dysphoria to be motivated by a hatred of themself as a man, a kind of reversed version of AGP (Kenisis calls this ‘autoandrophobia’ I think? Although I suspect it’s a kind of internalised homophobia really).

In cases like Kenisis, I don’t think misogyny is a primary factor, but ultimately, I don’t think it’s possible to believe a man can be a woman without some form of misogyny present.
This is why Fionne is so interesting and likeable (and Miranda too, who is further on in the journey) they are coping with gender dysphoria as best they can, whilst accepting reality (they are men) & staying out of women’s spaces.

Miranda trying to get Kinesia to accept this reality is a very moving moment.
Not enough battery to find the time stamp, but it’s towards the end of this, IIRC:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=_nYR0vDwGnM

I'm glad you started this thread OP.

I wish there was a resource for my DD to talk honestly with kids in the same situation.

Could I make a plea that it not be "trans orphans" though? That phrase would belittle female ex partners of transitioners working desperately hard to single parent.

Children of transitioners do need a name to assemble around but I think we should be able to come up with a more apposite one than "trans orphans"

I hope the people from the other thread will join this one. You could always DM them if they're not aware.

sakura184

I'm not sure Datun. The homosexual "type" really are just as bad in their misogyny. There is something inherently misogynistic about believing women don't exist in their own right.

Oh yes, I agree with that. I think what I'm trying to say is it's more likely that a man who has AGP will also have children. And it's the specific brand of gaslighting that goes with the fetish that I believe should be recognised.

I think they're both misogynistic, both a result of viewing women as not quite human. But they are different and I would like that recognised.

Not because I think one is inherently worse, or better. But because they are just different. And also many people don't even know the AGP exists.

I'm fed up with people saying what, you think all transwomen are rapists/abusers?? No, but I think a shed load are fetishists.

AGP is still swept under the carpet. It's ridiculous that it's not more reported on, when it is so prevalent.

And yes, I genuinely think that if the gender boxes weren't so rigid, there would be far fewer people identifying as trans. And it's those men who are fully invested in the gender stereotypes who are the most misogynistic.

Thank you for your immense courage speaking out about what happened to you. I cannot imagine what a headfuck that was to grow up in that environment

madamnomad.com/2018/10/07/not-woke-my-experience-as-the-child-of-a-trans-individual/

I was really worried by a situation on twitter. The father of a two yr old son was transitioning ASAP so his son would only ever know him as 'mother'. His daughter was fine with it.
I asked if he'd thought about the impact on the boy as he grew up 'it will be normal for him'. Seemed to me it was laying down all sorts of trouble.

Given that it's all a performance, it would be appalling to bring up a child as an audience to that from the age of two. How confusing for a child to have a male person being called "mum" whilst the child already had a mother. How did the two year old's mother feel about the father of the child she had given birth to two years before, deciding that he was now a woman?

Did the father say his daughter was fine with it, or the daughter herself?

This is all so damaging

Also whatever age the daughter is what else is she supposed to say "no don't be a woman Daddy I want you as my Daddy"?

If a child is told it will make their parent happy to do something then they will always be okay with it. Even if the child was an adult and could verbalise the trauma it would probably be to a therapist and not the parent. This makes me so angry, that poor two year old, is the mother ok?

And of course he need to transition as quickly as possible so will be foot-stamping to get hormones and surgery ASAP.

It's odd how he hasn't thought about a 4 yr old boy with two mums, asking about his father. They can't say (in a kind child appropriate way) sperm donor, they can't say one night stand... what do they say? Then when he is 10 and asking about puberty stuff- ask your mother. When he's wondering why one of his mums is a bit different... how unsettling it will be as that boy ages, to gradually realise that Mum is the kind of mum that used to be a dad. What will he think about himself? Will he assume he might turn into a woman, too? It's just bizarre and cruel.

What a difficult thread to read. Must have missed it before, but that this is an incredibly traumatizing situation is unsurprising.

for OP, if still around.

And Fae.... “in expectation of getting a good rogering.”

Who the fuck gives this person a platform as an example of womanhood? Just everything screams * (self-censored)

Such an important and overlooked part of this experience. So much complacency and self-absorption on the part of late-transitioning male parents. It blows apart the lives of women and children and those children unhappy, disturbed, damaged or disbelieving have nowhere to go with that relationship. The insistence on acceptance means unhappy children choose between suppressing how they feel or playing a role to put dad's needs first. And we all know the damage done by saying a part in parents' self-centred and demanding narratives. I work with young people who have experienced a variety of parental neglect, abuse and unreasonable oppressive expectation and this group, the forgotten unhappy, is no different. Support groups are absent. There is only 'education' towards compliance. Shameful, emotionally-abusive, well done for speaking out.

Hi GoodbyePiccadilly

Just to say how impressed I am by what you have written and how strong you sound. But there must have been times when you were in pieces.

Have had a quick search as your post rang a bell and there was this thread a short while ago www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3678475-children-of-transitioners-blog about this relatively new blog childrenoftransitioners.org/

Might it be an idea to see if for instance gendertrender would post something to ask if others like you want to work with each other / create a resource.

Just and idea.