"Mummy I like you better when you wear makeup"

[rcc92]

My son is 4 years old he is the light of my life and he is a fantastic little boy who is generally polite and very intelligent. He has contact with his father and my DP but I would consider myself to be the main role model in his life, and up until recently I thought I was doing well at teaching him about feminism and equality but Recently he has started saying things like "mummy I like u better when u wear makeup" mummy you can have the pink pen.. And general attitude toward other women and girls has changed. I'm worried and unsure how to deal with this behaviour! Help

I think you just have to keep challenging him. But you can be silly as well. For example, if he says he likes you better when you wear makeup, you can say you like him better upside down and swing him around, the idea being that both things are absurd.

My kids are a little older and I often talk to them about stuff like that . So if they said

" you can have the pink pen "

I'd reply " some times I like the pink pen and other times I like the green one . Is that ok ? "

" what if I was a boy and I liked the pink pen, is that ok? "

" oh it's not, why is that ? Who made the rule that boys have to use green pens and can't like pink ? Do you think that's a good rule ? "

" are there other rules about what boys and girls can do ? "

" who made these rules and what happens if you don't keep them . "

Etc etc

I think the makeup thing may just be how he generally perceives you, not feminism.

The pink pen thing though, grrr so annoying how they're social conditioned so young.

Oh ds is like this now, not surprising really given how his classmates are. Frustrates me too as I didn't raise him like this! 'No that's for girls' Etc etc. Ugh!

What does this have to do with "equality"??? If you stopped washing and taking baths/showers he would probably tell you he liked you better when you washed. (Which would be nothing to do with your gender and everything to do with the fact you started smelling bad.)

Instead of looking at everything from a "feminist perspective" try and see things from an unbiased perspective.

If it was an " unbiased " thing ( by which I assume you mean not related to gender ) then the child woudl also be telling his father that he liked him better when he was wearing make up

i don't really see how wearing make up is the same as washing. Wearing make up is generally seen as something that women and teenage girls do . Washing is something that men, women , boys , girls and babies do .

Oh I forgot to say hi Yussetec and welcome to Mumsnet

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haha So out of choice, you wear makeup to look more appealing, and when your son lets you know you look nice with it on, you try and condition him? haha Feminism summed up right there!

His attitude might be changed towards other girls... because HE'S A BOY! Boys and girls are different, deal with it.

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Oh, I love your reply to yusstec. "If it was an " unbiased " thing ( by which I assume you mean not related to gender ) then the child woudl also be telling his father that he liked him better when he was wearing make up."

Does he often get to see his dad wearing makeup? haha Feminist logic!!!

So stop wearing make-up then

Lots of people look better with make-up on and you can rely on a 4yr old to be honest without tact.

DS says when I've put my makeup on "ah, you back to be mummum gen"

But he's used to seeing me with makeup not without, so he doesn't like it when I'm not 'mum'

DS loves dresses and dolls as well, he's hardly sexist at all. He just likes me being the same as I always am

he's hardly sexist at all

Are you talking about a grown man or a small child?

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There's a troll here? Where?

If you're talking about me, I'm just making some points.

Do you disagree that it's odd to say that a young child is 'hardly sexist'?

Do you disagree that getting upset that your son likes how you look with the makeup that you yourself put on is normal?

It's unhealthy if you ask me, and harmful.

Children are very honest. Maybe you just do look better with make up.

Ever heard a child say "girls don't… girls can't… boys are best" or similar? If that's not sexism, what would you call it?

I have heard that, yes. I've also heard girls say 'girls are better than boys'. And what? It's just a childish competitiveness, like... 'my dad can beat up your dad'. It's not sexist at all. You're over-analysing it and using it to suit your own ends.

I am quite rational, yes. I'd never put makeup on to make myself look better, and then complain when someone - especially a young boy - says that I look better with it on! Don't talk to me about 'cultural influences'... that's just idiocy!

Yep.

On the make-up thing: my 12 yr old DD says she prefers my (long) hair down and this is because she perceives me to be more relaxed and nicer when my hair is down. She may have a point. When my hair is up I am cooking/cleaning/whatever and probably am a bit of a harridan. Perhaps when you have make-up on you are meeting friends/feeling more relaxed/something???

I'm going to just say what most people won't- some women just are not attractive without make-up.

Young children are generally very honest and sometimes they help point out very obvious things adults won't.

It's like the Emperor's new clothes- he walked around naked while all the adults praised him for his beautiful gold clothes, until a child pointed out he was really naked.

So rest assured your son is not "sexist" or "misogynist" he is just honest.

"Ever heard a child say "girls don't… girls can't… boys are best" or similar? If that's not sexism, what would you call it?"

That's because it's a learned behaviour.

For example I've witnessed my nephew in a toy store jump into a bright pink toy car, only for his mum's reaction to be a horrified "get out of that! that's for girls!".

And another time he went to drink out a pink cup only for his mum when she noticed to look horrified and take it and replace it with a blue one.

I'm going to just say what most people won't- some women just are not attractive without make-up.

Ooooh, I don't think you need to worry that no one will say that. After all, it's the message that women and even small girls get every single day from every single media outlet.

Most women look just fine with or without make up. Women aren't there to be decorative, if you don't find women who don't wear make up attractive, then I suggest you don't look at them.