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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

What can I do about this? Everyone but me thinks it's a non issue

65 replies

MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 09:17

I don't even know if it I'd a feminist issue but I suspect it is.

Yesterday I was getting some things out of my car and had to lean quite far into the boot. 3 men were walking past, obviously been drinking, one of them grab my bottom and pinched it really hard for several seconds. I shouted and swore at him. He swaggered off laughing with his friends.

I actually feel upset and almost violated. My family think I am totally over reacting and that the man was just messing about. I feel sick that anyone could think this behaviour is acceptable

I just don't know what to do about it, I want to report it to the police but dh thinks they'll just laugh at me!

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 13/03/2011 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 09:22

Thank you Beertricks, nobody else seems to get why I am so upset. They think he was just " having a laugh"

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 13/03/2011 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlynisIsFixed · 13/03/2011 09:28

I don't know anything about law, but to me ANY unsolicited physical contact is an assault, isn't it?

And it was sexually aggressive, so I would also want to report this too.

It is a violation of your right to NOT be seen as a sexual object.

HelenBaaBaaBlackSheep · 13/03/2011 09:50

That would have upset me too, and those who say he was just just having a laugh are missing the point. Intention is important but so is effect, pushing heavy objects onto roads is something kids might do to have a laugh, but if someone dies then the effect is more important than the intention. Having said that I'm not sure what the police can do.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 10:01

I don't know what the police could do either. I'm so angry that he can get away with doing it. Just feel like I need to do something about it.

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 13/03/2011 10:06

That is horrible, MadMomma. Sorry your family think it was nothing.

littlesez · 13/03/2011 10:16

I would be upset too! he had no right to do that, so sorry but i doubt anything could be doen about it now which is very infuriating Sad

edam · 13/03/2011 10:20

That's horrible and of course you have every right to be angry and distressed. Your family's reaction shows just how normalised aggression towards women is.

I would be tempted to report it - even if you suspect there's little the police can do, at least it would be on record.

Tortington · 13/03/2011 10:23

its awful isn't it. the same thing happened to me many years ago as i was working in a bar , i was carrying stacks of glasses and this guy literally GRABBED my arse.

i was apoplectic, and no one could see the big deal and thought i should get over it.

gorionine · 13/03/2011 10:27

I cannot believe your own family would think you are over reacting!Shock.

A man you do not know grabed your bottom and pinched it and all they say is !"it's normal"? well not in my books it's not! Do they not understand it is degrading to have such unsolicited attention?

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 10:31

I've decided I'm going to phone the police about it. I know they can't do anything but i have to report it because otherwise I'm just letting him get away with it. It makes me so sad that I am bringing up my dd's in a society where so many people think it's just having a laugh to grab at a womans body.

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 13/03/2011 10:37

Sorry that happened to you, MadMommaMemoo. That man was wrong, as where the others who were with him and the people you know who thought it was OK.

Have a read of This thread and know that you are not alone on your outrage than men all over the place think that this is acceptable behaviour. You could also write about your experience on ihollaback. And show those stories to your husband and tell him to get some humanity.

David51 · 13/03/2011 11:42

You're doing the right thing to report it MadMomma - and shame on anyone who says otherwise

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:05

I'm building up the courage to phone them. Have no idea why I am so nervous, probably because I suspect they will not take it seriously.

What do I say? That I want to report a sexual assault?

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/03/2011 12:10

Exactly right, MMM.

good luck! As you say, even if nothing happens, you've reported it. Most of us don't for fear of not being taken seriously - it's a powerful weapon, scorn.

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:11

i would ask to speak to the officer who deals with sexual assaults, for starters, so you don't speak to a meathead (although imlimitede police always v kind).

sorry this happened to you memoo, it's just fucking vile to think that some men think we are there for the taking in that way. and you never know, there might be cctv footage of the three in your area.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:16

Oh never thought of CCTV! They were heading towards the shop and that definitely has CCTV in

OP posts:
Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:17

Dd goes for a nap about 1ish so will call then

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 13/03/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:22

I'm ok, a bit anxious but mostly just really angry. Especially angry at dh who just doesn't get it.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:23

well that's a positive, then. the police might be more inclined to do something if they can clear up their identities sharply. i am on your behalf that this sort of behaviour is considered fine and dandy. a woman has to be able to put stuff in the boot of her own car without being treated like a piece of meat, ffs.

Astronaut79 · 13/03/2011 12:29

your Dh needs a kick of the arse. Just told my Dh about this thread and the first thing he said was: phone the police.

Astronaut79 · 13/03/2011 12:29

up the arse.

elvisgirl · 13/03/2011 12:32

How would these low-lifes feel if the same happened to their wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister/mother? I sincerely hope they wouldn't think it was just "a bit of fun".

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