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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

What can I do about this? Everyone but me thinks it's a non issue

65 replies

MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 09:17

I don't even know if it I'd a feminist issue but I suspect it is.

Yesterday I was getting some things out of my car and had to lean quite far into the boot. 3 men were walking past, obviously been drinking, one of them grab my bottom and pinched it really hard for several seconds. I shouted and swore at him. He swaggered off laughing with his friends.

I actually feel upset and almost violated. My family think I am totally over reacting and that the man was just messing about. I feel sick that anyone could think this behaviour is acceptable

I just don't know what to do about it, I want to report it to the police but dh thinks they'll just laugh at me!

OP posts:
franke · 13/03/2011 12:34

No, you're not over-reacting memoo. What a horrible thing to happen and then to top it all, no support from your dh. I hope the police can do something.

JoBettany · 13/03/2011 12:34

Good for you for phoning the police. I was in a local shop with my DS a couple of years ago. He was 6. Two drunk men came into the shop. As soon as they clapped eyes on me they started leering at me and making suggestive comments.

One of them then approached me and offered me a 'shag'. My DS was open mouthed.

I felt totally humiliated.

Why do men think they can do this? It sucks. I hope the police manage to find whoever did this.

dittany · 13/03/2011 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:36

elvisgirl, they would take any touching of their women by another man as an affront to THEIR masculinity, and no doubt go at him with their fists. so... more women being treated as property etc.

Goblinchild · 13/03/2011 12:38

'How would these low-lifes feel if the same happened to their wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister/mother? I sincerely hope they wouldn't think it was just "a bit of fun".'

elvisgirl, I thinkthat's part of the problem. That's what the OP's family are saying to her.
OP, as others have said. Report it as a sexual assault.Your family need educating too.Angry

AyeRobot · 13/03/2011 12:40

OP, have you asked your husband and your family if they do this kind of thing? And why they do/don't?

DuelingFanjo · 13/03/2011 12:41

I was going to mention iHollaback too.

elvisgirl · 13/03/2011 12:42

OP, do you know if your DH would think it acceptable if that happened to your daughter (if you have/had a daughter)? Just wondering if there was a way to make him see the wrongness of it.

BlingLoving · 13/03/2011 12:43

Oh, this makes me so mad. A man once grabbed my breast at Oxford circus tube. I shouted at him and my female friend who was with me told me that I was making a scene!? Good for you for calling the police. It's not acceptable. As someone else said, I bet if two drunk gay men walked past and grabbed your dh's ass he'd consider that pretty unacceptable.

BlingLoving · 13/03/2011 12:46

Good point too elvis. My father used to stay in the garage with the door open when I was washing the car as z teenager because hd found it unacceptable the way our neighbour leered at me (although my father also had issues with the way hd leered at my mother and suspect that he would be outraged if two drunk men grabbed my mum too so clearly he already gets what OP's doesn't.)

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 13:29

Well I phone, my heart is still pounding! The police man I spoke to was really nice and understanding and didn't think I was being stupid at all. They are going to send a female officer round to speak to me, possibly later today but probably tomorrow.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 13:30

WELL DONE.

Prolesworth · 13/03/2011 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JoBettany · 13/03/2011 13:33

That's great. Well done.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/03/2011 13:34

I hate that groping strangers in publis is seen as funny and acceptable, I can't count the amoutn of times men and women who I don't know (mosty men) have grabbed my breasts and bottom! I have quizzed a people who have done it and have had some ignorant twat tell me that it's ok becuase I have big breast I should expect to get them grabbed Hmm

AyeRobot · 13/03/2011 13:35

Excellent. Well done you and well done the police for taking it seriously. Shouldn't have to praise them for a "given", but sadly that's the reality.

Heathcliffscathy · 13/03/2011 13:37

well done. it was assault. totally fucking unacceptable. I can't imagine wtf anyone would think that it was in any way ok.

TheCrackFox · 13/03/2011 13:41

Well done MMM! It is assault and it is good that the police are taking it seriously.

These things will keep happening if we all toe the party line of "don't make a fuss". I don't know any man who would like to be groped by another man so I fail to see why we should laugh it off.

CrazyHorse · 13/03/2011 13:42

Like hell you are over reacting!

And if that was my DH's attitude, I would be furious with him!

Poor you!

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 13/03/2011 13:50

Well done MMM. That was really brave of you.

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 13:50

yes, i don't wish to labour the point memoo but my feelings would be very hurt if dh thought that was cool. i imagine that might be hardest of all to deal with.

Shallishanti · 13/03/2011 13:58

well done
even if there is no hope of catching them, it will be logged and you have taken the step of saying publiclly that is not acceptable behaviour

InmaculadaConcepcion · 13/03/2011 14:47

Good for you, MMM.

You are definitely right to take it seriously, so should your DH and so should the police (as it seems they are).

It is common assault at the very least, could well be seen as sexual assault and entirely unacceptable.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 15:16

I think DH it being a complete idiot. I'm going to have to have a proper talk with him later when the kids are in bed because I'm really disappointed with his attitude.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 15:23

i'm sure he just hasn't thought it through, tbh.