Would you tell your adult children you had bladder cancer?

[Alisonjayne8]

I recently went to have my regular botox in my bladder as I have a weak bladder. They found a very small tumour and stopped the botox immediately. They said it is very small, the size of a sesame seed and I am having it out very soon, its been 7 weeks in total from diagnosis to the operation.
I have two adult children, should I tell them or keep it quiet?

Of course I would.

I would want them to know, and also they would want to know.

I mean, they'd notice if I went for an operation or had treatment. They'd want to support me.

I’m sorry about your diagnosis. I hope everything is ok.

I used to find it maddening when dad kept things from us kids (who were all over 40 by that time!). I know he didn’t want to bother or worry anyone but it was incredibly frustrating.

So, tell them the facts.

Yes I would.

But I’m interested in the Botox treatment. Are you having that via your GP or privately? And does it work?

I kept my cancer diagnosis from my ds, but he was 13 at the time, and I'm a single mum so I was the foundation of his world, and I wasn't prepared to scare him unnecessarily.

Your situation is different OP. I'd tell them, if they can be trusted not to make a massive fuss, but to be calm and supportive.

If they're going to act like it's a big drama, when it isn't, I'd leave it until your (keyhole) surgery is over, and you have the biopsy.

Good luck with your op.

Of course I'd tell them!

Even if it does seem a relatively 'quick fix', its really important for them to know their family medical history.

Edited: typo

Yes I would. My parents keep everything from me (I'm 46) and it's just so pointless and infuriating.

I’m not sure I would … they both have health anxiety so why worry them with something that sounds quite treatable.

why wouldn’t you tell them. It is infuriating that our parents will call us and give us the blow by blow of the most mundane aspects of their lives, but then omit incredibly important things. I find out things like oh yes, I had a serious, nearly experimental, surgery last month as nearly a toss away comment and only mentioned as it relates to interfering with social activities.

i live extremely far away so i would not notice in person that there was a recovery going on. They moved, not me.

Would you want to know if your adult child had easily treated, operable bladder cancer?

id be really hurt if my Dad kept this from me.

Yes definitely. Keeping secrets from trusted family is never a good idea. Though I'd understand if you waited until you had clearer information about the prognosis.

Yes I would. They would want to know. I would want them to know.

I probably would keep it to myself unless they will notice something is up, it changes plans or you need help/support.
I would tell them after I had more information about future prognosis & treatment.
Thats just my initial thoughts but it would depend on so many factors, including their mental health & current stresses, support needed, likely recovery time, risk associated with surgery and how much I normally share with them. I don’t lie but I’m not sure I’d volunteer the information before the op if there’s nothing they can do but worry.

Yes

Yes

Tell them. It’s possible It could become something more in the future and it’s better they know.

why wouldn’t you tell them besides not wanting to worry them?

tables turn and adult kids worry about parents as they age. Let them have the info.

Why wouldn’t you tell them?

I wouldn’t tell my adult DS until I had a positive outcome to report.
I would think what’s the point in him worrying as well as me.
This was the approach that DH and I took recently when DH was diagnosed with a brain tumour. We only told our son when we had full possession of the facts regarding treatment and prognosis.

I wouldn't want to worry them so would wait until I know the whole picture before saying anything.

Yes I'd tell them and tell them it's a little OP to get rid of it.

Why wouldn't you? I never understood why my parents didn't tell us about health issues. I mean, it's not anything you should be embarrassed about and why wouldn't you want them to know? If you don't want to "bother" them, say this when you tell them about your planned surgery. But don't just not tell them.

I can understand some of your frustrations, the reason I am hesitant, is my son. My daughter is much more resilient and would probably be ok about it and take it in her stride.

My son is another story, very emotional and he gets easily scared whenever he even hears me cough. My own parents died in their mid forties, and there's a lot of cancer in our family so his fear is justified.

He doesn't have a great relationship with his father so if anything happened to me, he would be devastated. Obviously I am hoping I have the op and they don't find anything else and that it all blows over.

If I can avoid worrying either of them unduly, I think I should.

This is my reasoning.

You could just say you are the tumour removed is it benign did the Dr's say, i would definitely tell them they are grown ups.

If it's very treatable and I thought I could get it done without adult DC noticing then I would. Wouldn't want to make them worry unless there really was something to worry about.

yes I would we have an open and transparent relationship so there wouldn't be a reason to be secretive about anything really.