Partner thinks diets are nonsense

[DaisyRaine90]

So I have been on Slimfast for 10days and down a respectable 4lbs. The last two days DP has told me that he doesn’t believe in diets, that he doesn’t think I should be on one, that he thinks I’ve been “brainwashed by the diet cult and thought I was smarter than that.” I’m really upset. I understand he thinks it’s overpriced nonsense and that I should eat real food (pls hold the baby so I have the time!) But this genuinely feels so unsupportive. I’m doing something for me, it’s going well, my engagement ring fits again, so why Is he so down on it?

Diets are nonsense op. Eating healthy food and developing a better relationship with food longterm are the only real ways to do this.

What you have is a quick fix.

Maybe he genuinely doesn't think you need to lose weight? Maybe he is concerned about you and worried that what you are doing is unsustainable? Shakes are expensive and don't reeducate your eating habits. What happens when you stop the shakes and start eating normally again? Much better to make improvements to your diet that you can maintain long term.

He's got a point, albeit an unkindly phrased one.

The problem with diets is that while they may work in the short term, they're usually unsustainable in the long term, so you put the weight back on. So you go on another one...The diet industry is multi-billion pounds one, and it remains so by ensuring that you need to keep doing it.

Exercise and sensible eating is really the only way to get weight off and keep it off, but most people don't want to do it, because it's bloody boring.

I did the Weightwatchers point system, not for everyone but it worked for me as I'm quite competitive so I didn't even use my extra weekly 'treat points'. I lost 2 stone using this diet

The hard part is keeping the weight off! It's 3 years since I did the WW and I haven't put it back on. I educated myself instead, ate better generally and have got into a pattern that seems to suit my metabolism.

During the week I'm very strict, I don't eat white bread, potatoes, rice, red meat, wine etc but then at a weekend I eat more or less what I want (still within reason though). It helps that DH up is away during the week so I only have myself to think about and I actually love salads which he hates.

But today is Friday and after 5pm it's the weekend 🥂

I tend to agree with him. The problem with the diet approach is that it is by definition temporary. In so many cases that leads to the yo-yo effect - people go on a diet, lose weight, come off diet and revert to usual lifestyle, put on weight again. Depending on the diet and other factors like exercise, you can often be worse off than not dieting at all due to body composition changes then there's the cost element if you are following a diet that requires you to buy certain branded products or pay for support. Educate yourself on nutrition and exercise and make a lifestyle change that you can stick to. Often it doesn't need to be revolutionary. For many people just cutting out some of the junk and snacks, eating more filling and nutritious meals and being a bit more active can make a world of difference. Also, be patient and consistent. Quick fixes tend to last the shortest.

I don’t have a bad diet and was maintaining. I have a stone to lose to get back to my pre baby weight and healthy BMI. I wanted to lose that stone through diet, then maintain through my usual diet and also start going to the gym again. I have a health condition that means I can’t exercise much and 3 month old baby, so slimfast seemed like a good way to do it. It just feels to me like he undermines my efforts to be healthier. He did say this morning that I am always nagging him “to eat less crap and more vegetables.” Maybe he thinks if I lose weight and go to the gym He’ll be nagged to do the same. I will look at that, I am quite hard on other people but most of all on myself. I was overweight when we met and he does say he wouldn’t like me to “look skinny like a drug addict.” So maybe he fancies me more when I have more meat on my bones? I’m a small 12/ big 10 now but comfortable at a regular 10. I have been an 8 before and know I looked skeletal so wouldn’t want to be really small again anyway.

I have never yo-yo’d. I have gained weight 3x in my life- 1 pregnancy I gained (the other I had HG), and twice on antidepressants I gained. I am able to maintain my weight easily otherwise, but struggle to lose weight. I find slim fast really filling, and because it’s so easy I don’t skip meals so never end up bingeing. I have said I will eat extra vegetables at dinner and am using SS milk instead of S milk, and am taking all my vitamin supplements as usual. So my calories are slightly higher to take into account activity levels etc. And so that I don’t lose too quickly and end up with loose skin or anything. I think I am being sensible, and would love it if he could put his feelings aside long enough to say that he is proud at me for sticking to something. Maybe it’s just the calorie deficit, but it would be nice to get a pat on the back occasional instead of being told I’m wasting my time 🙄 and then offered some chocolate 😤

I kind of agree with him. The only way I have successfully lost weight (twice in my lifetime) was through a diet overhaul. Both times I tried the likes of slimfast but I quickly got bored and the weight loss was not sustainable. If it works for you OP then great, but it is well documented that these types of diets are quick fixes and the weight loss doesn't last.

Purpleprincess24 I have Sundays off each week. I know the importance of treats and so long as I don’t go crazy I know it will not interrupt my progress. I am very disciplined when it comes to dieting, and I am competitive in all areas of my life. Despite this, I was unable to lose weight at slimming world. I think this is because I don’t eat many things which are not “free foods” on slimming world anyway. I tend to have a slice of toast and marmite for breakfast (sometimes with avocado, egg, smoked salmon or cheese too), Sushi or a salad if out at lunch time or sometimes I skip it if not (I know that’s not great, but I am often too busy to eat in the middle of the day). Then I have a snack and coffee before I do the dinner, usually a handful or nuts or a low fat yoghurt. Then I have dinner, usually spag Bol, cottage pie, chicken curry, roast dinner, or bangers and mash.
Once the kids are in bed I normally have a diet fizzy drink (sometimes a glass or two of 🍷 ), some chocolate or beef jerky. Sometimes some crisps, cheese or fruit. Often I’m still full from dinner though.
Slim fast means I never skip lunch, so my blood sugar is steadier all day. The breakfast shake gives me lots of energy too. I look forward to them because I don’t have a lot of sweet food in my diet. I never eat more than one piece of fruit in a day as it upsets my stomach.

He doesn’t want me to change the evening meal, because he’s not keen on most vegetables so they are mostly meat and carb based. I add veg to mine (and my daughters sometimes depending what else she’s eaten that day). He will eat veg if he has too, just not a big fan of things like broccoli which I could eat for nearly every meal. I have tried to alter recipes etc. to make them healthier, but portion control and more veg works best for us as a family. I often don’t get time to eat much during the day, and then struggle with portion control in the evening because I’m over hungry. I know slim fast is not a long term solution, but to lose a stone and get back in my healthy BMI then go back to maintaining is my aim. 😊 I have read a lot of the research on diets and understand the downsides. He thinks I should wait until “I really need to diet” and then just “eat less and move more.” But I think I should lose it while it’s just a stone and not more than that (I may have to go on steroids so would gain weight so would like to be a healthy weight to start with). I think “eat less” is what I already am doing by limiting my calories. I think his main concern is with the shakes being a way to get money out of people, and he thinks I’m being manipulated. Can you be manipulated if you are aware of it? I don’t know. I find just cutting calories really confusing, it’s nice to know the rules to something.

@DaisyRaine90

SlimFast is basically sugar (v high carb if you include the skim milk) combined with a low calorie paradigm - the only way to make weight loss possible. So it is not healthy at all. And expensive.

There is a way to lose weight and eat more but it means you need to look at your food macros.

Olivia, she's just said sometimes she doesn't have time to eat lunch. I doubt she's got time to track food macros!

Worth a try.

I'm quite enjoying your enthusiasm for lchf!

Have you posted a menu for the week anywhere?

The people who do best at diet groups are the women who have put on weight with pregnancies, and are aiming to get back to their before baby weight. Like you, they use the diet to lose the extra stone, then go back to their previously sensible way of eating. So I would say - if Slimfast is working for you, then carry on.

Pretty much all of the 'dieting' methods work if you are able to stick to them. The problem for most people is actually sticking to them in the first place, then maintaining the new lower weight. I've lost over 4 stone with Slimming World and kept it off, until I stopped going to the meetings, when I gradually put weight back on. I'm hoping to resume SW soon and get back down, as my lovely new clothes now do not fit. No-one is going to say it is easy, or compulsory, but we all are allowed to choose what size we want to be and that should not be criticised by other people unnecessarily.

@OwlinaTree I’m not nearly as enthusiastic as it may appear. LCHF is a great, possibly ideal, combination of macros but by no means perfect for everyone. Even I need to load on carbs to restore glycogen ...

Depends on goals and how one wants to live one’s life @OwlinaTree ... the more lean and fit you want to get the less choices there are about what you eat and your choice of body fuel - fat or glucose. Only those two to choose from.

No menu then? I know you carb load after exercise. What do you eat on a non exercise day?

I may have to go on steroids so would gain weight so would like to be a healthy weight to start with

A small size 12 is a healthy weight. If you want to be smaller that's fine, but please don't think you're unhealthy at present.

And so that I don’t lose too quickly and end up with loose skin or anything.

You're not going to get loose skin losing a stone!

@OwlinaTree no menu no. Too organised.

I try to eat LCHF as much as I can.

But even on rest days I am still refeeding unless prior day has been easy or aerobic only. 400g of glucose is a lot to restore actually. Seems to work in maintaining leanness and energy so far.

I use the new Vitality shakes which only have natural sugars 😊

Also my macros are spot on. I’ve checked. 😊

I have a condition that means my skin gets damaged very easily so I get stretch marks etc. Incredibly easily.

A small 12 is healthy for some, depending on your height. I’m really short so it is not healthy for me. My BMI is in the overweight range.

DP always has an argument for everything. I think he just loves having a debate. Sometimes I wish he would shut up and not make everything into an intellectual debate.

I know their are healthier ways to lose weight. I have read lots of books on nutrition and understand macros and micro nutrients etc. However, right now I am really busy and only going to get busier. I do not have time for time consuming cooking or lunch half the time.

It would just be nice to be praised and not criticised when I have made a decision, stuck to it and am seeing results. I think I am looking in the wrong place though. He’s more concerned with who I am, what I do in and out of the bedroom and how I parent our kids, than whether my jeans fit better or not.

I should be happy he loves me for me and not the way I look. This is just like when I got my hair done recently though (4 inches off and a whole new style) and a week later he asked me if I had found a hairdresser yet 😂

I guess that’s just men 🤷‍♀️ if I want compliments on my hair or figure I should ask my friends 😂

I think the problem with slimfast is that you think of it as a short term fix, even the name makes it sound that way. No-one wants to keep using slimfast shakes for life so you will have to change to something else once you lose the weight and the temptation will be to go back to your old favourites. Then because you are eating toast for breakfast again some other old bad habits like having a biscuit with your tea will slowly creep back in too.
If you are finding SF helpful I would take the helpful things about it and use that to create a healthy eating plan for yourself that you can stick to long term.
How about a homemade breakfast smoothie and homemade soup for lunch. This combines the "slightly different from your normal food" quality of slimfast shakes that is helpful psychologically, and also easy if you have the smoothie ingredients ready to blitz and the soup can be batch cooked and frozen. But this way you can use good healthy ingredients and change them to suit your needs. Do get a good smoothie and soups recipe that contains lower carbs and protein and some healthy fats. It just seems like something you could do long term and get into a good habit. You wouldn't mind your kids seeing you eat that way when they are older which I think is important. You can still cut out calories counting and just stick to the shake, soup and evening meal as you do on SF.

Don't let your DP put you off your goal to lose weight. You only want to lose a sensible amount and you are quite right that its better to lose a stone now than put it off.

I don’t eat biscuits etc. Anyway. I eat well to maintain just struggle to lose it. 😊 We mostly only eat as a family in the evening anyway. DP does not eat breakfast or lunch because he mostly works from 4.30am and then eats once all his work is out the way. Sometimes he’s done by 7/8am and will cook a fry up. Otherwise he will not eat until the evening if he’s working all day except the odd cup of tea or redbull depending how the baby slept
DD has breakfast while I give the baby his bottle now. I used to eat with her at that time but now it’s a struggle so I eat after I’ve dropped her. With the shakes I can have one while feeding the baby so that’s massively convenient.
Then either I am out all day or at home with the baby, either way it’s very busy and I don’t eat anything until I’m back (sometimes until 6pm). Sometimes DD eats at after school club, then Me and DP eat together. If DPs not here me and DD eat together. Rarely we all eat at different times completely, but that is the most communal meal we have.
I wish I had time to cook 3x a day. I used to batch cook but had to get rid of my chest freezer.

If it's working for you it's fine op.