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Original poster

If your PIL weren't contributing

39 replies

Elbels · 12/07/2021 15:56

This is sitting slightly uncomfortably with me and is probably a very petty irritation but...

Sending wedding invite to print and we've said

Together with their families
Elsbels and lovely husband to be
Invite you to join them at their wedding

I understand that traditionally the parents do the inviting as they pay for it. However, we're paying for it alongside my parents, his haven't offered anything and have little interest. I feel slightly irritated that they're included in the 'together with families' bit when they're not interested in being a part of it!

Am I mad? Obviously we're going ahead with the wording, I think I'm picking on this as a symbol of how little they seem to care about lovely husband to be.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 12/07/2021 16:01

Why should they pay for it? I wouldn't expect parents, either mine or DH's to pay anything for a wedding.

Do they not have a good relationship with DH?

ChicChaos · 12/07/2021 16:17

Well traditionally the bride's parents invited people to the wedding - not both families. I like the wording of your invitations OP.

What is it that makes you think they are not interested in your wedding OP?

Original poster
Elbels · 12/07/2021 16:17

Oh I complete agree there's no obligation at all, we always planned to pay for it ourselves but my parents have told us they'd like to contribute and always planned to if me or my siblings got married.

I just find it a little bit strange that they're disinterested and essentially will feel like guests at the wedding rather than a co-hosting family if that makes sense?

Apologies if I've made myself sound like a money grabber, that wasn't my intention.

OP posts:
RoxanneMonke · 12/07/2021 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beach11 · 12/07/2021 16:26

Just out yours and your husband's to be names

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 16:26

Change the wording. Present your folks with a bouquet at the reception..

M0rT · 12/07/2021 16:39

The traditional wording if the bride's family are paying is Mr & Mrs Parents would like to invite you to the wedding of their daughter Little Parents and Mr New Husband.

HeddaGarbled · 12/07/2021 16:40

In my generation, the bride’s parents paid for the whole shebang and the invitations came from them. Now, it’s more common for the couple to pay for it themselves. The groom’s parents have never been expected to pay nor to issue the invitations. Now, of course, some families do offer to pay but that’s entirely between them and the couple to negotiate.

I actually think you’re being a bit nasty about your future in-laws. Don’t start off your married life resenting them unfairly for something non-traditional that you’ve decided to do (the wording of the invitation). You’ll make everyone’s life, including your own, more unpleasant by inventing trivial things to get in a snit about.

WimpoleHat · 12/07/2021 16:42

@M0rT

The traditional wording if the bride's family are paying is Mr & Mrs Parents would like to invite you to the wedding of their daughter Little Parents and Mr New Husband.
This is right. Why not just put:

Elsbels and lovely husband to be
Invite you to join them at their wedding

…and thank your parents for their contribution in one of the speeches?

miltonj · 12/07/2021 16:45

But why would they be co hosting it? It's your wedding. Put the invites, from you and your husband and thank your parents separately (maybe with a meal out together or something). They're helping pay for it, not hosting it with you! If I received a wedding invite from the couples parents I'd be a bit ConfusedConfusedConfused

5zeds · 12/07/2021 16:45

It’s going to be hideously embarrassing for them when people start thanking them for the party.

nc8765 · 12/07/2021 16:46

I think it's less and less common these days for PIL/parents to pay for weddings.

TheUndoingProject · 12/07/2021 16:48

Did they request that wording or did you just choose it? I think it’s a bit unfair to be angry at that for something that they may not have even wanted. I’d you’re not annoyed at them for not contributing then I’m not quite sure what you feel they’ve done wrong here?

InTheNightWeWillWish · 12/07/2021 16:48

Just change the wording. I think we just used:

InTheNight and Mr InTheNight would like Joe Bloggs and Jane Doe to join them as they celebrate their marriage.

Purple21 · 12/07/2021 16:49

Just change your wording

WildJelly · 12/07/2021 16:52

My in laws didn't contribute to the wedding (I didn't expect them to!, my parents paid for it all) but they did grumble because we didn't send them an invitation- I'd just kind of presumed they would turn up. I think it depends how formal the wedding is going to be...personally I wouldn't have the "together with their families" bit at all.

altforvarmt · 12/07/2021 16:52

You seem to be creating your own reasons to be irritated with your PILtb.

You don't expect them to contribute to your wedding (which is good), but you're slightly irritated with them that the invitation wording chosen by you implies that they contributed.

Just change the wording. It'll not help you to get annoyed with your PIL for perceived slights that are not of their doing.

Wait until they actually do something to annoy you before you go getting slightly irritated with them. Wink

Mrgrinch · 12/07/2021 16:53

Why should the groom's parents contribute?

LemonRoses · 12/07/2021 16:54

|I think the wording is lovely. Can you not invite someone to join you unless you are paying? Traditionally it is for the Bride's parents to take the financial hit.

Turtles4543 · 12/07/2021 16:54

I put our invite from my parents as they were contributing. The ILs weren’t happy. I assume because it showed that they weren’t contributing. Shame.

cindarellasbelly · 12/07/2021 16:55

We used that wording: both parents did contribute, though we had no expectation.

One thing I will say: DH's parents contributed a VERY generous amount to his sibling, but basically gave them a cheque the night before the wedding. They were happy, but a bit miffed they weren't told in advance as they'd made some choices about budget they would have done differently if they'd realised.

Howshouldibehave · 12/07/2021 16:56

Why request that wording then if it annoys you? I presume nobody held a gun to your head at the printers?

Just say Elbels and Bob invite you to their wedding.

Holly60 · 12/07/2021 17:01

OP I actually agree with you. We have a DS (and a DD) and we contributed the same amount of money towards their weddings. We also contributed the same amount as their respective in-laws contributed too - clearly a very unmumsnetty situation where all DC and in-laws get on like a house on fire and tend to see things the same way Grin. Both kids actually just sent the invitations from them rather than from any of the parents, and quite right too - we weren’t hosting and didn’t need any recognition- we just gifted them some money because we love them and wanted them to have a wonderful day. I think it’s so sad for your DH that his parents are so uninterested. Surely most parents, including the groom’s, contribute what they can these days?!

saraclara · 12/07/2021 17:05

I've not seen a wedding invitation with that wording in years. It's really dated and old fashioned.

I helped with some of the cost of my DD's wedding, but mostly she and her DH were responsible for it. I have no idea if the groom's parents helped. It's none of my business. But I don't consider that I invited any of the guests. It was my DD and SIL's event. My helping with some of the cost didn't mean I owned any part of it.

Slimmingstar · 12/07/2021 17:09

It wouldn’t occur to me to write the invites as if coming from my parents.
I sent them (parents) an invite, from me, as it’s my wedding and I wanted them to come!