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Original poster

If your PIL weren't contributing

39 replies

Elbels · 12/07/2021 15:56

This is sitting slightly uncomfortably with me and is probably a very petty irritation but...

Sending wedding invite to print and we've said

Together with their families
Elsbels and lovely husband to be
Invite you to join them at their wedding

I understand that traditionally the parents do the inviting as they pay for it. However, we're paying for it alongside my parents, his haven't offered anything and have little interest. I feel slightly irritated that they're included in the 'together with families' bit when they're not interested in being a part of it!

Am I mad? Obviously we're going ahead with the wording, I think I'm picking on this as a symbol of how little they seem to care about lovely husband to be.

OP posts:

pilingup · 12/07/2021 17:25

I'd just put your names on it and thank your parents for their contribution in the speech.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/07/2021 19:00

Can you get them to help with the wedding in some way? My MIL made one tier of the wedding cake, as we had different cake types for the tiers. Stepmum helped design the wedding invites.

MindyStClaire · 12/07/2021 19:54

I see that wording in day and age as more of a courtesy and a recognition of parents' support in general - not just for the wedding and not just financial. If your PIL are supportive of your DP and have welcomed you to the family then that's wonderful and who cares if they're not as bothered about the wedding as they are about the marriage. If you have other problems with them, then those are real problems, and who cares about the wedding which is a small thing in the grand scheme.

Basically, don't sweat the wording, and don't sweat the marriage.

And for god's sake don't make a big fuss of one side at the wedding for helping and pointedly say nothing to the other in front of all the guests, that's just crass (I know that wasn't you OP).

drpet49 · 12/07/2021 19:58

If they are not contributing then they include them in the invitation wording.

Twilightstarbright · 12/07/2021 20:05

We did that wording, my parents paid for about 1/3 and we paid for the rest. I didn’t want to make a point about it in the invites and embarrass MIL. We did say no when she wanted to invite some random people though!

cloudyrain · 12/07/2021 20:10

We went 1/3 each roughly and had the traditional invite wording where my DP invited everyone.
If I was doing it now I would use a version of your wording as it sounds like a really nice way to put it (and I wouldn't care who put in what %)

shallIswim · 12/07/2021 21:33

Blimey. We paid for DS's wedding. Mother of the bride couldn't afford it and not could the happy couple. I isn't blink that the invitation came from them not me and DH.

Original poster

Elbels · 12/07/2021 21:47

@MindyStClaire

Basically, don't sweat the wording, and don't sweat the marriage.

And for god's sake don't make a big fuss of one side at the wedding for helping and pointedly say nothing to the other in front of all the guests, that's just crass (I know that wasn't you OP).

This is exactly what I meant by it!

Basically I think my parents are amazing and brilliantly supportive and want to recognise that.

And I definitely won't be making a fuss about his side not contributing, I'm too much of a people pleaser and very sensitive to uncomfortable situations to ever want to make it awkward!

Interesting to hear different perspectives though.

OP posts:

30degreesandmeltinghere · 12/07/2021 21:48

Would have been very odd if my mil had contributed.

She wasn't invited!!

shoofly · 12/07/2021 22:24

My MIL (who told husband to be prior to the wedding) that I was a gold digger and a tart, told husband to be that she would not be contributing to wedding. This was 20 years ago in Ireland and we hadn't asked for a contribution.
We wanted a quiet non fussy wedding which we'd pay for... My lovely mum wanted a party, insisted on paying and we had a wedding which she wanted rather than what we'd have chosen or afforded.
We had over 100 guests, a fabulous day, and my Mum was happy, not overbearing in any way and I look back on the photos and all the faces that aren't with us anymore (hers included) and am so glad we agreed.
My battle axe MIL then gave us a sizeable cheque (considerably more than the cost of the wedding) has been lovely to me ever since and is utterly hateful to my poor DH. She of course, is still with us.

Families are odd, don't let the wording of your invitation put a wedge between you and your in laws. I know many parents of the groom, and parents of the bride to be fair are wary of being seen to be demanding or taking over, and some of the threads on here bear that out.

Disfordarkchocolate · 12/07/2021 22:39

I gave my son some money towards his wedding, there was nothing on the invite to indicate this or that anyone else had helped. It was just from them. I think that's more common now unless it's a formal wedding.

Nannyamc · 12/07/2021 22:46

My son and dil had the same wording. Cost was split 3 ways but had not asked for it.
Nice to be acknowledged

NakedAttraction · 12/07/2021 22:51

Chose different wording then OP if it bothers you that much.

I can’t even remember what we said on ours. It’s really not that important, definitely no one else will remember.

thebookworm1 · 13/07/2021 13:15

We paid for our own wedding but my parents sent us a gift before the wedding. We weren’t expecting my husband’s parents to contribute as their circumstances are different but we were surprised by a generous gift after the wedding!
I don’t see the wording as reflective of people’s financial contributions, just as a mark of respect towards the families. And you never know your in-laws might surprise you!

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