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Original poster

Not having a photographer

33 replies

MaitlandGirl · 04/12/2017 10:27

DP is very self conscious and doesn’t want to have a photographer for the wedding, just guests taking photos as and when. She’s also photo sensitive epileptic, and with the wedding being on the late afternoon in winter is worried about the flash causing a seizure.

I completely understand where she’s coming from (I’m self conscious too) but I’m not sure I can get behind non proper photos.

This is our first major disagreement ever (we’ve been together 11 years) and I don’t know how we can come to a compromise :(

OP posts:

Beamur · 04/12/2017 10:30

I didn't have a photographer at my wedding. Several of my friends are good amateurs though and brought their cameras. So, we have some lovely informal photos, but no portrait style ones.
If you want something more professional, maybe have a studio one done after the wedding and wear your wedding clothes etc?

ProfessorPickles · 04/12/2017 10:30

In terms of feeling self conscious, guests photos are likely to be a LOT less flattering than professional!! You don't need to be facing and posing for the camera, some of the best I've seen are natural photos taking discreetly by a photographer capturing the real events of the day instead of having everyone pose.

Flash may not be necessary, speak to some photographers whose work you like!

Wedding photographs can be so precious, I would be gutted if I didn't end up with any nice photos. Family members won't do a good job of it!

SavoyCabbage · 04/12/2017 10:31

You can’t have her worrying about having a seizure on her own wedding day!

Perhaps you could ask one of the guests to make some announcements for photos ‘friends of Helen’ etc and that way you could have some more formal group shots but taken by guests.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/12/2017 10:31

I appreciate her concerns but why not ring a few photographers and discuss the issues with them to see if there are any compromises? I honestly wouldn't not have a photographer, relying on guests is ok to an extent and some of ours took lovely pictures but it's a huge gamble as to whether you will get good pictures and it can be stressful as a guest knowing that the images you take will be the only images of the day.

minipie · 04/12/2017 10:32

Here's a suggestion:

Most photographers will meet potential customers for a no commitment chat before you hire them.

How about you find a couple of photographers you like the look of (reportage style = less likely to be in your face and to use flash) and ask your fiancee if she is willing to just meet with them.

The photographer may be able to reassure her that they will barely be noticeable and can take plenty of pics without flash. And hopefully she would be wowed by their portfolio too.

If she still isn't won over after this, then let it go. Most important thing is you both have a lovely day.

Poppins2016 · 04/12/2017 10:41

I hate being photographed, I'm really not photogenic.

However our wedding photographer held an engagement shoot where she taught us how to pose and make the best of our features.

Our wedding photos look great, I feel as though she's captured both of us at our best.

It's worth seeing if you can find someone who understands and can take the time to reassure.

On the flash issue - I'm sure there will be a way around that. A couple of portable lights? Photos taken outside in bright daylight (although I appreciate there's limited time in winter)?

You could also to reduce the time the photographer is there. Many are on site for a good few hours (I think ours was there for 6 hours!), so limiting that to during/after the ceremony could be a good compromise?

inchyrablue · 04/12/2017 10:44

DB got married earlier this year, and didn't have a photographer. He did ask me to take photos of the day though, and I managed to do that without flash till the evening. I do have an exceptionally good camera though, and the room for the wedding was both beautiful and well lit. A decent photographer should certainly manage in many situations without flash.

Mum4Fergus · 04/12/2017 17:34

How about a more casual approach with a shoot either before or after the wedding...

Chaby · 04/12/2017 17:40

We didn't have a professional photographer but got loads of lovely natural photos from guests

troodiedoo · 04/12/2017 17:40

IPhone cameras are so good, you'll get amazing photos from your guests.

You could always hire a pro to take some posed shots of you both at a later date.

gillyweed · 04/12/2017 17:45

We didn't have a professional photographer. One friend took a few shots and the rest we got from friends and family.

I don't like being photographed and don't like formal photos at all.

They are good enough. I was never going to put them up or look at them regularly so for us it was the right decision. Memories are sometimes better.

SeaLionsOnMyShirt · 04/12/2017 17:59

We didn't have a professional photographer - I hate that 2/3 hrs gap between the ceremony & reception where the guests are left hanging around getting pissed while the happy couple are dragged off to have their photos taken instead of spending time with friends/family. We've got a couple of lovely ones taken by our family on the day & that was enough for us.

RestingGrinchFace · 04/12/2017 18:01

Most photographers don't take proper photos anyway.

chiaseeddisapointmentagain · 04/12/2017 18:05

The photos will look like shit.

NoParticularPattern · 04/12/2017 20:03

I would have a look for photographers you like the style of- likely one that just takes tonnes of photos all day rather than a huge list of traditional formal shots. I know iPhone cameras etc are good nowadays, but it’s more about the person on the other end of it rather than the camera itself! Pros spend a lot of time looking objectively at the situation rather than getting caught up in it like friends and family do.

We had a very relaxed style of photographs for our photos and I love them. We hardly noticed he was there all day (apart from the ones we specifically asked for- family portraits etc). He also didn’t use a traditional flash- any of the ones taken in the dark he used a type of LED light bar if you see what I mean? The light was on constantly rather than flashing on/off and being super bright. We got some fab photos from that so it is possible. Your best bet would be to ask a photographer and explain the problems to them- they are the ones with the talent to know how to solve the problem so I’d trust them over just hoping your friends and family will luck out on some good ones. Also beat in mind that a lot of what you’re paying for the photographer is their post-processing of the images. I’d highly doubt if our raw images would have been half as lovely as the final prints we have!

LoniceraJaponica · 04/12/2017 20:12

Not having a professional photographer is the only regret I have from my wedding.

My uncle was a keen photographer and took the pictures, but while they were nice they weren't brilliant. I have them in a photograph album in the loft.

You will need to warn all the guests to switch the flash off on their phones, or if you get a photographer to ask them not to take any photos at all.

My wedding predates digital photography by a couple of decades BTW.

SheffieldStealer · 05/12/2017 10:27

if your DP is self-conscious about being photographed, knowing that guests are constantly taking iphone pics all day won't really help - speaking from experience, I found it very hard to relax, being aware of people snapping away constantly and then uploading the results onto Facebook. The angles and lighting aren't kind on camera phones, either!

I second all those suggesting meeting with a professional first, maybe with a short engagement shoot to relax you both? We met our photographer for a coffee weeks before hand, chatted about the wedding, discussed his style and what we wanted, etc, then on the day we barely noticed him, apart from the set piece photos which he did very quickly and good-humouredly. Ours was a winter ceremony too but he didn't use any flash and kept the formal shots to a minimum, in favour of reportage coverage.

Rubies12345 · 07/12/2017 00:59

So are you going to ban flashes? The guests can't take pictures if she will have a fit.

iboughtsnowboots · 07/12/2017 01:03

I didn't have a photographer at my wedding, I hate posing for photo's, my BIL took some nice pictures as a wedding gift. That didn't stop a lot of people taking casual photos all over the place, normally as I was trying to stuff a cake into my mouth! Occasionally I think a more formal posed picture would have been nice but over all I prefer to remember how I felt on that day rather than how I looked.

Original poster

MaitlandGirl · 07/12/2017 09:31

Unless I can talk her round there won’t be any photographs once the light goes. All flash photography will be banned.

We had a family party in June and despite telling people “no flash photography due to seizures” one of DPS aunts insisted on getting right in her face and using a flash.

The few hours at the hospital having X-rays wasn’t fun, neither was the family fall out.

I’m hoping I can talk her round to having a professional photographer as I really want the photos of us both getting ready and during the service. Plus it will probably be the last chance I have to have photos with my parents (assuming they both fly out).

OP posts:

minipie · 07/12/2017 14:18

Awful behaviour by the aunt.

Perhaps that's another reason to have a photographer - if you tell people that there will be professional non flash photos that you will share, people like that wretched aunt might not feel the need to take their own photos?

thecatsthecats · 11/12/2017 19:56

I am planning a combination of amateur photo takers my wedding.

I hate professional photographers - nothing personal, but my mum was a journalist, and I encountered a lot of them as a child. Developed a general antipathy to the whole breed.

I can't offer a solution, but I just don't like the idea of someone else being persuaded to accept it if they aren't comfortable with it.

greendale17 · 11/12/2017 20:03

My friend didn’t have a photographer and relied on family and friends for pictures.

Her pictures are crap

buddy79 · 11/12/2017 23:04

We had informal photos done by a friend, and honestly while there are some nice ones, I regret not having ‘proper’ photos. As he was really a friend of DH’s, and wasn’t comfortable asking groups of people to pose or anything, I have no photos of me with my bridesmaid, and no photos of my sister and her daughters who looked so lovely on the day. I really wish I had. It’s worth talking about it again I think.

Original poster

MaitlandGirl · 12/12/2017 02:49

We’ve been chatting and we’ve agreed to meet with a couple of photographers after Christmas and see how we feel about them and what suggestions there are about the ban of flash photography.

We will be issuing a ban (via the celebrant) on all guests photographs after sunset and if the aunt ignores that she will be forcibly removed (by me if needed).

OP posts:

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