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Original poster

Guests who accept wedding invitation then don't turn up

30 replies

meikyo · 07/04/2015 10:39

DH and I got married over Easter weekend. It's second time for both of us so we had a small ceremony and sit down meal for immediate family. We had a larger gathering for an evening reception. 120 people RSVPd yes and we paid £25 a head for buffet and drinks for toast.

Of the 120, one couple texted me at 9pm the night before the wedding saying they were now going away for Easter and wished us a nice time. Two couples contacted DH re baby sitting issues and a further 10 just didn't turn up or contact us at all, despite RSVP yes a week or so before.

I have given it a couple of days in case people got in touch to say they had a sudden illness/crisis, but so far nothing. I completely understand the babysitting problem., so no issues there.

We are both v cheesed off with the no shows, including the couple who decided to go away! (She was at the hen night!). I clearly told people that the wedding was Easter Saturday. I also chased up RSVPs before we had to pay the final catering cost for venue. This has cost us hundreds of pounds extra so we are a bit annoyed!

OP posts:
MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 07/04/2015 10:41

That's so rude :(

Congratulations, I hope you had a lovely day :)

Frecklefeatures · 07/04/2015 10:53

All 10 of my work colleagues who had been invited 'with partners' and RSVPd turned up by themselves. Apparently one person had said they weren't bringing their partner and encouraged the rest of them to do the same. They all sat together, rearranging tables to do so. It was like a staff night out, I wasn't impressed, plus it cost us for catering . Also had no shows, made me realise they weren't the friends I thought they were.

primarywannabe · 07/04/2015 11:00

That's a lot of no shows! Very rude.

Szeli · 12/04/2015 20:06

I forgive all the no shows for the non invitees that showed up!

Original poster
meikyo · 12/04/2015 21:54

We didn't have any turn up without invitations. A week on and we have heard nothing from the no shows and not even a card.Hmm Hmm

OP posts:
meandjulio · 12/04/2015 21:57

yes, we had some no shows, though two were elderly and not so well, and I didn't mind at all in their cases. Especially frustrating as a family didn't come and I'd paid £25 a head for the adults and £10 a head for the children bastard ripoff caterer saw me coming I would never get married again with a sit down meal Grin I would lob the buggers a bread and cheese buffet and they should think themselves lucky.

TheRestofmylifeiswaiting · 12/04/2015 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meandjulio · 12/04/2015 22:12

I don't think people really think that hard therest.

I am going to sound like some Daily Fail article here but my mother taught me that if I got an invitation, I decided whether I was going to go or not, accepted or made a polite excuse, and if I accepted then I turned up. That applies to whoever the invitation is for. The daft thing is that life is actually a lot simpler if you do this.

My first husband was a twat quite selective in his socialising, or rather was a complete twat found it difficult to make new friends. He said he would go to two separate friends' weddings with me, and then pulled out of both within 24 hours of the event. I went to both without him and just wanted to die at the rudeness to the hosts, plus also felt like a shit wife for leaving him. I just have no time for it. Decide what you are going to do and follow through, like an adult. How hard is that?

ajandjjmum · 12/04/2015 22:16

I would never do that, but by the same token, maybe they didn't realise that the evening was obviously quite an elaborate spread - with the cost that accompanies that.

They may have thought it was simple a small finger buffet catering for a round figure number. No excuse really for their rudeness though.

RedCrayons · 12/04/2015 22:18

Wow, that's a lot. We only had 2 no shows which were DH's family. There were some family politics at play, so I didn't get involved.

I'd never RSVP with a yes then not turn up without a bloody good reason. So rude.

expatinscotland · 12/04/2015 22:26

That's so rude! I can't abide flaky people.

BIWI · 12/04/2015 22:31

Personally, I'd email all the ones who didn't show up. I wouldn't hold back, and I'd say something along the lines of:

Dear XXX

We had a thoroughly lovely day for our wedding, however we were disappointed that you were unable to join us, despite the fact that you had previously accepted our invitation.

Whilst we appreciate that there may have been events that made it unavoidable that you couldn't attend, it would have been courteous if you could have let us know, as your attendance was catered for, and this has cost us £xxx. If you had let us know in advance, we would have been able to cancel without incurring any cost.

We did wait for a couple of days after the wedding to see if you would contact us to explain why you didn't attend, but we haven't received anything from you.

Obviously we are going to pay the money that was involved to cater for you, but we would like you to understand how much it has cost us. But more than that, we would also like to make it clear how sad we are that people who are supposedly our friends would not only not recognise that we might have incurred costs like this, but would also think our wedding was not worth turning up for.

With all our good wishes

Mr and Mrs meikyo.

BIWI · 12/04/2015 22:31

Actually, I wouldn't email them, I'd write to them. Make it even more formal and obvious.

VegasIsBest · 12/04/2015 22:37

What would sending an email like that achieve?
I can see this is annoying, but it hasn't cost you any more because they didn't turn up. And you were presumably happy with the total cost of the buffet that you'd chosen.

Rather than hanging onto bad feelings about one small part of the day, why not enjoy the memories of what was hopefully a wonderful day.

BIWI · 12/04/2015 22:41

What would it achieve? It would make miekyo feel better to start with. And there's every chance that those 'friends' who didn't bother to show up or let her know that they weren't coming might feel just a tad guilty. Who knows. They might even offer to pay their whack?

Quitelikely · 12/04/2015 22:42

If you expected 120 and roughly 105 turned up I really can't see why your focusing on the negatives.

I'm surprised the venue didn't get you to cater for less than you had planned.

Please do t write them a letter of complaint.

Jackieharris · 12/04/2015 22:45

This happens at every wedding.

I used to work at a wedding venue.

The staff's dinner was the meals leftover from no shows. There was always enough to feed us all!

madamginger · 12/04/2015 22:55

This is why when we got married we catered for 100 and invited 125. I couldn't tell you how many came on the night because I was having fun dancing with my friends (and dh!) but I know some of my step dads family didn't turn up which annoyed him and my mum.

AlternativeTentacles · 12/04/2015 23:00

I would always knock 10% off numbers for potential no shows anyway. Even if they all showed, most events overcater and some people will eat or drink less.

dangerrabbit · 13/04/2015 02:52

Poor you, how rude of your guests. I second sending BIWI's letter.

Original poster
meikyo · 13/04/2015 20:33

Thanks All. I won't write to them as I want to have great memories of a wonderful day and evening. My DD was the most disappointed as the people concerned have DC that she is v close to. I just thought it weird that people would accept in writing the week before and be all excited about joining us then not turn up.

OP posts:
MrsTedCrilly · 15/04/2015 16:34

People didn't come, it's no big deal.. But it's rubbish that they didn't let you know and wish you well, I can't imagine planning to go to someones wedding and then be so self consumed that I would let it pass by without a mention.

gabsdot45 · 02/06/2015 15:38

Every wedding I've been to has no shows. Last year we went to my SILs wedding. BIL and girlfriend didn't come. They were supposed to be at our table and their name's cards were there. We knew he wasn't coming and had assumed that he had told the B&G but he hadn't. We felt terrible as we were at the hotel from the day before and could have told them, maybe saved them some money.
My FIL didn't turn up to the same BILs wedding. Just didn't show up,no excuse, nothing. no one could get hold of him on the day but eventually SIL (his DD) spoke to him and he had some excuse about not feeling well.
I was at a wedding 2 years ago where 2 separate couples, went to the church and then took so long getting to the reception venue that they missed dinner. One couple had a very PFB with them and their excuse was that they had to feed him. Hello, they were about 4 hours late.

VelvetRose · 15/06/2015 22:27

I would be incredibly pissed off too! Not to show up and not to apologise is really rude. I'm afraid it does affect the way you feel about people doesn't it?

StaceyAndTracey · 15/06/2015 22:32

I would be pissed off too. But I wouldn't write . And it might affect how I thought about these people afterwards