So, mumsnet wedding jury...

[LadyFlumpalot]

How on earth do I go about including an expression of wish in our invites without offending everyone?

Basically we have been living together for 9 years so we don't want or need toasters, plates, ornaments or towels. We do desperately want a cracking honeymoon as we haven't had a holiday in six years. However I know that, according to Mumsnet, asking for a honeymoon contribution is considered very bad form. So, please tell me how to acceptably word the following:

"We really don't need anything, or expect anything, however, if you really want to buy something - please contribute towards our honeymoon."

PS - we are talking a long weekend in Europe, not a month in the Maldives.

Just say. "As we have been together a long time, we have everything we need, so please don't bring a present". Then, if someone asks, you can tell them about your honeymoon. Please don't put it in the invitation.

I'm no help with the wording, but just wanted to say that I wouldn't mind donating towards a honeymoon. Would make it nice and simple for me. I also don't mind child free weddings and evening only invites, just glad of being included. Have a great day when it comes.

Ok, that's a good idea. Thank you!

Thank you Amanda

As AgentProvacateur says.

Just say, no gifts required thanks. (but it is likely that you may receive some)

But if it were me, I wouldn't put anything in about cash being useful.

If anyone asks you prior then you could mention that you are saving up for the honeymoon - and hope that they take a subtle hint.

I would far prefer that you tell me that a honeymoon donation would be the best present ever. Otherwise I'll end up donating to charity in your name or buying you a B+Q voucher. Fine if you like those alternatives.

Why not have a simple wedding, just you two and kids, so you can pay for a honeymoon?

I wouldn't take offence at anything in an invitation - I'm just always excited about going to a wedding, so don't worry too much, MN is very different to real life.

If it was me in your situation, I would send the invitation, but not mention presents. If people ask, then mention the honeymoon fund. But that's just how I would do it - it won't be right for everyone.

^ Agree with expat!

Sack all the wedding lark off (quick simply ceremony) and treat yourself to a nice holiday with the money you would have spent on the wedding

Really wish we'd done this!

I would personally just put 'no gifts please' and then if people ask you, say you don't need anything. This is what we will be doing ahead of our wedding next year. It's probable that some people will then give you a bit of money anyway (esp parents/grandparents if they want to).

I wouldn't specifically mention cash gifts on the invitation. I can't help feeling that however delicately it is worded it sounds like a request for money. However, lots of people do do it.

The last wedding I went to had a "we really really don't need anything but we would love a honeymoon and if you feel you must, donations towards that would be great" note in the invite (or words to that effect) and I was fine about it - I don't see it as bad form.

The outrage is usually dependent on who it comes from, IYSWIM - coming from a wealthy couple it would stick in your throat a bit; coming from a couple who haven't holidayed in 6 years = fair enough.

We are already having a small and simple wedding. No formal meal and the reception in a local village hall.

Ok, will request no gifts. To be honest, I'm not going to throw hissy fit if I don't get the honeymoon as I'd much rather have the party (hence why we had decided if we were going to have one we'd have three days in Rome on an EasyJet budget) but I don't want people buying us household stuff we don't want because they feel they have to, if that makes sense?

I would put "as we have lived together for a long time, we have everything we need, please don't feel the need to bring a gift" then prime both sets of parents to tell anyone who asks that you'd like cash towards your honeymoon, but also be prepared some people (particularly of the older generation) want to give a thing, not money, and get rather annoyed at the idea they should turn up empty handed, you will therefore get some random stuff (mners seem to always want to give photo frames or champagne), and a few gift vouchers.

Argh, sorry, getting my words flustered.

What I mean is:

We haven't had a holiday in a long time so would really like a good honeymoon. However, what we want even more is a cracking party - which we are already planning.

There is no way to type what I mean without sounding horribly greedy.

Honestly, this is really only an issue on Mumsnet. I have been to sooooo many weddings over the last decade. Every single one has had details of gift list or request for cash towards some large item/honeymoon. I'd say at least 50% have asked for cash for a honeymoon so that's probably around 15-20.

As long as you ensure you thank people I don't see the issue at all.

I think I'm going to avoid looking at mumsnet as my wedding draws closer - in case I see someone complaining about it!

I am always happy to receive a wedding invitation and delighted when it includes a gift list or request for honeymoon contributions because I always want to give a present and see no need to make the couple field 50 phone calls asking what they want. I am always pleased to think I have done something for them eg bought a round of cocktails on their honeymoon or whatever in exchange for the lovely day they provide (I love weddings) and as I value their friendship I understand that they are not grabby or demanding. I would hate to contribute nothing and I really can't be arsed chasing up what they want when they can just specify in the invitation and make life easier for everyone.

So don't agonize about the wording, just write that you don't require presents but if anyone does wish to get you anything then you would appreciate any contribution towards a honeymoon.

And congratulations! Hope you have a lovely day.

No gifts "required" sounds awful. Giving a gift should be a surprise not an expectation.

No gifts please. End of.

I think asking people to pay for your honeymoon is a bit off. Cut your cloth and all that.

And have a lovely honeymoon too - Rome will be fab!

Just don't write a poem. I hate that.

Don't put it in the invite.

You're right Toffee that 'required' is absolutely the wrong wording and I thought that a millisecond after I pressed post!

"please contribute to our honeymoon" is awful too.

If you must put "a donation to our honeymoon would be wonderful. Thank you very much" but make sure you send proper thank you's afterwards.

I'm invited evening-only to a wedding with the invite giving a request for honeymoon contributions if we want to give a present.

I am really pleased to go and will be happily contributing. Epic mumsnet fail, sorry.

(although I will be annoyed if I don't get a thank-you letter)