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Original poster

So, mumsnet wedding jury...

51 replies

LadyFlumpalot · 25/02/2014 18:55

How on earth do I go about including an expression of wish in our invites without offending everyone? Grin

Basically we have been living together for 9 years so we don't want or need toasters, plates, ornaments or towels. We do desperately want a cracking honeymoon as we haven't had a holiday in six years. However I know that, according to Mumsnet, asking for a honeymoon contribution is considered very bad form. So, please tell me how to acceptably word the following:

"We really don't need anything, or expect anything, however, if you really want to buy something - please contribute towards our honeymoon."

PS - we are talking a long weekend in Europe, not a month in the Maldives.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 25/02/2014 19:28

So having a big jar at the reception with an sign saying "honeymoon fund" would be a no no as well then?

disclaimer I am not being serious. I have seen the above on Pinterest.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 25/02/2014 19:29

Thank you all for your suggestions and opinions. Smile

OP posts:
thegreatgatsby101 · 25/02/2014 19:30

Just don't put anything. In my experience people will then either bring a lovely surprise gift, give you money anyway or ask what you'd like and insist on an answer at which point you can be honest face to face or on the telephone :)

Viviennemary · 25/02/2014 19:31

Don't put anything in the invitation. Wait to be asked. It's the decent and polite thing to do.

eurochick · 25/02/2014 19:31

I think your message is fine. I would be perfectly happy to receive an invitation containing that message. I've never heard of people outside MN taking offence at a request for a honeymoon contribution.

SconesForTea · 25/02/2014 19:35

I'm afraid I think it looks horribly grabby to ask for money towards a honeymoon. I have once seen it done well, where the couple used a website with honeymooneexperiences on it and you bought them cocktails somewhere special, entrance to a gallery, boat trip etc. It was essentially giving money but it felt much more like buying a present from a list.

sherbetpips · 25/02/2014 19:37

The panic I always have about the honeymoon/money thing is that I can't afford to give much, there really isn't a wat of hiding what your have contributed. I could buy you a beautiful well thought through gift for £20. Putting £20 towards your honeymoon feels somehow cheap? If only there was a secret way of giving money!

HappyMummyOfOne · 25/02/2014 19:39

It will sounds grabby regardless of how you word it on the invites.

Charging an entry fee would be more honest. If you want a honeymoon, then you need to fund it not the guests. They are supposed to be their to see you take your vows not as a fundraiser for a jolly.

nobutreally · 25/02/2014 19:41

I wonder if this is an age thing. When my mates & I got married, this wasn't done. 10-15 years on, & honeymoon requests seem pretty much standard. I have also never been to a wedding that didn't have some kind of wedding list. Either all my mates are wired or this is one of those mn weirdnesses (like fully paid bars. I don't go to those weddings either).

I think: 'We really don't need or expect anything, gift wise. We are just looking forwards to spending a great day with our friends. If you really want to give something, vouchers/money towards our honeymoon weekend in xxxx would be very much appreciated'

I hope you get a fab honeymoon - a few days in Europe doesn't sound grabby to me.

DulcetMoans · 25/02/2014 19:42

I have no idea if this is regional or age related or whatever but every wedding I have been to in my adult life has asked for money instead of gifts. Only two didn't put it in the invites. It's just the situation most people are in now - we live with partners and have things. Money towards houses, cars and holidays are what we don't have!

Personally, I do not see a problem. Just no weird poem!

You know your guests better than anyone though, do you think anyone would be offended?

RubyrooUK · 25/02/2014 19:43

I actively like giving to people's honeymoons and have done so for both my BIL and my brother in the last couple of years. It makes me feel happy to know I bought part of a special experience for the couple. I like giving gifts for weddings and am even happier if I know it will give the couple am experience they wouldn't have had otherwise.

"No gifts please" just makes my heart sink as I know I will have an awkward conversation with the couple where I ask what they want, they try to be polite and don't want to say and I feel vaguely irritable that it's such hard work to get them something they would love.

So as an unashamedly lazy gift giver, I would be delighted with a direct honeymoon contribution request.

ToAvoidConversation · 25/02/2014 19:43

I wouldn't give a shit. If I'm invited to your wedding, I evidently know you pretty well and love you so if it's a honeymoon that will support your marriage rather than 'stuff' then great. Id rather give you a memory than something to sit in a cupboard. Moments are more important than stuff!

Original poster
LadyFlumpalot · 25/02/2014 19:51

So basically, whatever I put in the invites is going to irritate somebody...

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/02/2014 19:52

If it's such a small wedding, everyone's going to know you're not minted. No gifts, they'll ring and ask.

plutarch14 · 25/02/2014 19:59

I think it's the opposite - whatever you write, no one is REALLY going to mind (unless you are going to be rude and demanding which you aren't).

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 25/02/2014 20:07

I really don't think most people mind and I think it's absolutely normal now. I would go with some of the wording suggested on here and not worry about it. Most , if not all, of the people you invite will actively want to give you something and will be happy to contribute to your honeymoon. It won't occur to them to be offended by you putting it on the invitation - every wedding I have been invited to has explained the gift situation in the invitation - whether it was a gift list, request for honeymoon contributions or suggestions of something to contribute to the wedding (music/decorations/cake etc).

twofingerstoGideon · 25/02/2014 20:48

Write 'Children welcome at £50 a head' on the invitation and go on honeymoon with the profits. Smile

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 25/02/2014 21:13

I would never go to the effort of contacting someone who is preparing a wedding.

I had it when I said no gifts and it was annoying as I meant no gifts, and I only had a very small guest list.

Just say you want money or register your honeymoon and ask for experience vouchers for it. Really there is nothing wrong with it. The people who have a problem with are just very vocal about it on MN.

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 26/02/2014 12:30

We've been living together for a few years too. This is what I put in our invites:

"We have lived together for a couple of years now, and feel incredibly blessed in both each other and our possessions. We genuinely don’t need any more stuff, and would simply like our guests to come and share our day with us. If you insist, any contribution towards our (probably much delayed!) honeymoon would be wonderful, but not in any way necessary."

It may not tick every mumsnetter's 'acceptable' box, but I wanted to avoid a poem and be honest, so that's what we went for.

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 26/02/2014 12:38

The nicest way that I saw it done was...

For our honeymoon we are climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. If you would like to buy us a wedding gift, we would appreciate money to our trailfinders account

Or

We are going to America on our honeymoon etc and there was an option to buy excursions etc for the couple. We thought that was nice. I think it was Virgin holidays.

I just don't like money without any reason and prefer a gift list so you know where it's going.

Keepthechangeyoufilthyanimal · 26/02/2014 13:07

I don't know why asking for money in a wedding invite is considered the worst crime of the century on MN Confused I have never known anyone to think anything about it in RL but there we go.
Every wedding I have been to in the last 5 years has asked for cash towards a honeymoon, other than one that had a John Lewis gift list but I just gave them JL vouchers. We asked for a contribution towards our honeymoon too and used wording very similar to what you said in your OP as has everyone else and I've never known anyone to be offended.
If I received a wedding invite with no mention of gift lists etc at all the first thing I'd do would be to ask them.

WaitMonkey · 28/02/2014 09:39

It is interesting. I've been to loads of weddings, only once have gifts been mentioned on the invitation, and that was only a charity request. No other invitation has mentioned presents, but when asked people have always asked for vouchers, never been asked for money. I've never actually bought a wedding present for anyone other than dsis.

Kemmo · 28/02/2014 09:44

If you were my friend then I'd know you were a lovely ungrabby person and would happily contribute to your honeymoon however you decided to phrase it :)

PaperFlowers · 28/02/2014 12:53

I think your original request sounds fine. Loads of people ask for money and it's really no different than a wedding list at the end of the day. I just want to get people what they really want.

Have you thought of Honeyfund? Our friends used that and we brought them a night in the jungle on their honeymoon. They then sent us a lovely thankyou note telling us about the lovely time they had in the Jungle!

AntoinetteCosway · 28/02/2014 13:22

We got given loads of cash despite not requesting it OP, so you might get some anyway!

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