Will my 4 year old ever self-wean?!

[HanaPales]

My DD just turned 4. She still breastfeeds as part of her bedtime routine (either nap or night). I share bedtime duties with DH and MIL so this ends up being me feeding her around 4 times a week. I really wanted to keep the BF going until she chose to stop (she's our only child, and she's super sweet, affectionate and sensitive so it hurt me to think of removing something that gave her comfort). I've been practising 'never offer, never refuse' for more than 2 years now. There have been some times over the past year where I thought she was stopping (down to only a few sucks each side) but then she would pick it back up again. I don't really have any strong reason to make her stop so don't want to force it, but I admit I would quite like her to choose to stop sometime soon! She is quite obsessed with my boobs and my body in general (sometimes I walk around the house topless / in my underwear and she kind of goes a bit crazy wanting to touch my skin. She's tells me all the time how nice I look and how nice my body is. She's more into me than any lover of mine ever has been 😂).

Looking for stories from other mums who carried on extended breastfeeding for this long - how did it work out for you? Did your LO choose to stop at some point? I am wondering if the BF has become so habitual now (I'm pretty sure that she's not doing it for the milk because barely anything comes out if I squeeze the boob), that she won't choose to stop and I'll have to force it at some point.

Not looking for comments of it being weird to keep going for this long - you're free to think what you like but it's not the point of this post 😉

DS didn't choose to stop, I stopped feeding him when he was 3 and a bit because I was pregnant and it made my boobs hurt! So it might need some encouragement, we had extra cuddles instead.

My DD sounds like yours with the obsession with boobs, whenever I'm getting changed she wants to touch them and her comfort thing is to stick her hand up/down my top to touch them.
I stopped feeding DD at 2.5. I had tried the don't offer don't refuse but she always wanted it. I had got to the point where I wanted to stop so I gave her advanced notice and cut it down to once a day, first thing in the morning. And then I told her that would be stopping too and we just had cuddles in bed. She's 4.5 now and still loves her morning cuddles but I don't think she would have stopped if I hadn't made her.

Yes, eventually. My DD was like that at 4, gradually reducing down around 5 or 6 and completely stopping by 7. At 4 though I did often feel like she might continue forever!

Thanks for the replies! Wondering if I might have to gently 'force' it at some point. The extra cuddles or another treat might be a good strategy to replace it. Maybe an extra bedtime story (although our bedtime routine is already sooooo drawn out, but that's another post!).

Yes l was the same with my eldest.. we moved house when she was four( single parent) she got a new bedroom that she loved.. so it was cuddles and story in her bed and she seemed just to forget about the breast feeding.. although l still had plenty.

Gentle weaning is more than possible at any age when (either of) you feel ready, it's definitely not about taking something away from her. We started by creating new bedtime routine - daddy took on bedtimes for a bit (also because I was pregnant), introduced stories and my son chose his own cup for water which is still uses. He was then weaned by 2.

My daughter is more boob obsessed but already I'm down to feeding her twice a day during the week, 3-4 at the weekend. I think as she approaches 2 we'll do the same thing with daddy taking on bedtimes.

If you feel ready then I would just do it - I wanted body autonomy back quicker than you but also had a second child which changes things.

I don’t think my 3.5 would have stopped if I hadn’t actively tried - and I only really tried because I’m pregnant and it’s getting more and more annoying. He did bedtime, in the night and early morning. The night started dropping anyway anyway and there’s been weeks and weeks of me not exactly refusing him, but saying ‘no you’re too big’, and if he insists just letting him for a very short time then going ‘ok done now!’. This over a long period has gotten us to the point where he sometimes in the early morning hours might insist on latching on for literally 5 seconds until I say enough and he just turns around unbothered. I really didn’t think we’d ever get there because he was always so obsessed!

Dd definitely wouldn’t have stopped unless I gently encouraged. She was 3.5 and I did no offer no refuse for about 6 weeks, then progressed to only feeding at bedtime if she asked (would use distractions during the day when she asked).

After a few weeks she barely asked, and eventually if she asked at bedtime I did stories and cuddles instead.

She was absolutely fine, no trauma or tears. And I was v glad to get my body back!!

Shes 7 and one of her friends still bfs at night and honestly, some children are really very cruel about it (and some of the parents) and although I’m all for extended bf, by school age you do need to consider who it is actually benefitting.

She is quite obsessed with my boobs and my body in general (sometimes I walk around the house topless / in my underwear and she kind of goes a bit crazy wanting to touch my skin. She's tells me all the time how nice I look and how nice my body is. She's more into me than any lover of mine ever has been

Please take care in responding to this post. I’m suspicious of it.

I called a stop on the night before her fourth birthday. It took five days of complaining before sleep and then it was fine. I don't think natural stopping would ever have happened! I can't say I wasn't warned.

I agree. What a strange thing for OP to say.

Agreed. Strange phrasing.

sometimes I walk around the house topless / in my underwear and she kind of goes a bit crazy wanting to touch my skin. She's tells me all the time how nice I look and how nice my body is. She's more into me than any lover of mine ever has been
very odd

Think you have to have the convo! My cousin was 7!

Perhaps let's get this thread checked out before anyone else talks about their experiences.

The weird bit isn’t you breastfeeding her, it’s where you compared your 4 year old daughter to your past lovers. That’s weird.

I am in a similar possible but my daughter will be 3 this year. She is boob obsessed; always has been. She feeds all night and day. I am drained 🥲

Oh god......🙁
I'll ask for my response to be deleted.

7!! Jesus Christ these kids are going to be scarred for life. I do hope their friends at school don't find out.

I don't think they comment was necessarily suspicious, more a bit flippant.

Saying your child is ‘more into your body than any lover has been’ isn’t flippant, it’s downright weird and actually a little concerning.

It’s just very inappropriate. There will always be a small minority of weirdos who for some reason sexualise breastfeeding and the OP should know better than to encourage that with a weird comment.

I stopped at 18months: it's your body why should you be breastfeeding longer just because they want to? They understand the concept of enough or no more so just do it. You're the parent and if you are ready for her to stop you must stop her. She's being very possessive of you and the longer you let it continue the harder it will be. Ask yourself if you want her to be capable of self soothing at nursery or school or will you be rushing in to give her some boob?

Yes be forceful and firm if required, you are the parent after all, or are you intending every child rearimg decision to be made by your DD?