Financial dilemma

[firstworlddilemma1]

Having a financial crisis. DS 16 is sport mad and has an opportunity to go to Germany for possibly a year and if all goes well then for longer. DD attends ballet school in London (any ballet mums on here will know which one). We have had to remortgage our home a few years ago to get both children on the training they want. We have nothing left. DD has selective mutism and has never spoken to anyone in school, wider family not even her ballet teacher but she loves to dance. She’s amazing and truthfully she’s a better dancer than her sister was at her age and she is more dedicated. It’s all she does. She can’t open the fridge without a ballet step etc.
she has an audition this month and her ballet teachers has said the only way she won’t get in is if she doesn’t turn up.
Problem is we really have nothing left. Apart from starting an only fans which trust me no one would want to view me the only option I can think of is selling the house and finding a 2 bed flat for me and DH and when the kids are with us the girls will have to share a room and my son will have to sleep on the sofa. Is that really awful? If all goes well none of them would technically be back with us full time but if all doesn’t go to plan we could end up with three kids back full time in a 2 bed flat. Any ideas welcome

Are there no bursaries for either option?

Is one DD in ballet school and the other has the audition to follow? I wasn’t clear from your OP. As well as DS and the Germany sports opportunity.

What age are the girls? Will everyone be home for entire summers?
Can they get weekend / summer jobs themselves to help toward their everyday expenses?

I'm not sure how I'd turn the 3rd child down having given the 1st two everything... but if you can't, you can't. But if they are old enough I'd probably downsize and push something back on the older kids to see his you can save costs from them to try to even it out going forward.

It’s not really clear which child has had what support currently. I need more detail but in all honesty, I can’t see many options where I would sell my house to find this.

It sounds like a third child. I would move heaven and earth to give them the opportunity given that the elder two had the same.

It’s not very clear, what additional spends are required and for who?

What income do you have and what outgoings do you currently have? What additional outgoings are proposed?

Why is the opportunity in Germany so much better than any UK based opportunity? I'd be really wary of that, there's so much money in attracting talented but not good enough kids onto those programmes, only to disappoint them later. If he really wants to go can he fundraise for it?

Re the ballet, I suspect it could be the same on a smaller scale, but I'd be prioritising the child with SN. Is there any possibility of a contribution via her ECHP?

If DD1 is not as good as her sister, is she good enough to make all this sacrifice worthwhile?

Maybe I'm just the wrong person to ask. My DC would have been told no a long time ago. It sounds like you can't afford any of it, and the benefits of it aren't clear either.

I am going to go the other way. You have a responsibility to your children to not make yourself bankrupt or a burden in later life just so they can live out their dreams.

They are your children and it sounds like you are a loving parent but where do you draw the line?

I say this as the parent who represented our country at world championships etc but eventually had to draw the line. We had to say no to protect our other child, ourselves and in the long run my daughter.

Not everything in life is about saying yes.

We had a family of 5 in a 2 bed flat and it was fine. Go for it OP. Your dcs must be incredibly talented and they should be encouraged to nurture that talent.

No idea of your financials but could you extend the mortgage to a longer term or go interest only for a few years?

Extend the mortgage as above has said. Or with 3 children living away presumably you and your hubby are already working full time you have scope for two second jobs in evenings or weekends. Not sure why you go straight to only fans get a job in a supermarket or pub

Thanks for the replies. I see that its not crazy to sacrifice every penny to fund your children’s dreams and at the same time I see there has to be a line drawn. I’m sure if I ask the kids if they would be happy sharing and on a pull out bed in the living room they would say they are happy to do but the reality may well be different.

we have taken everything out of the house that we can and can’t work any more hours without literally never sleeping.

the opportunity in Germany is a signed contract. There are no fees left for him but obviously we have spent so much to get him there, through 1 on 1 training, Travel time, monthly fees to the club for years and years so DS has had a massive share spent on him and providing all goes well we may well all see him playing all around the world as his job. At worst he makes connections and does something supporting the sport like a physio or coaching etc

DD1 same as above but still has massive yearly fees.

DD2 in my eyes deserves to have the same opportunities so truthfully I think tonight me and DH will just have to start looking for a flat.

we have had bursaries and help along the way but we are still looking at £1000’s per year for both daughters.

I know I probably should have drawn the line but never did I imagine that 3 of my children would excel in their sports when I first took them age 3 just so they could make friends and have fun.

It’s not just about talent though, it’s also wellbeing. Will DD2, who I think is the one with selected mutism, thrive in a high-pressure environment, potentially boarding school (not sure if it is)?

Do neither of your dd's qualify for an MDS then?

If they are that good then they will get funding to help them? Your ds doesn’t need to go overseas! There are many many opportunities in the uk for young footballers and if the potential career is just as a physio then you’ve bankrupted yourselves for nothing! If he’s that good then he should have a full scholarship and funding! You need to remember that in 10 years time when your children are finished training and getting on with their own lives you need to have a roof over your head as the bare minimum

@firstworlddilemma1 How old is your younger dd?

Still no real detail of ages etc or even which part you are struggling with / already committed to etc.

I see what you mean but she will only attend in the day for the first few years. All she cares about is dancing. She hyper focuses on dancing and that’s it so think she would be fine as long as she can dance and be with other people who love to dance

no over the threshold… JUST

How old is your DD2?

Will money come back to you eventually? Is DS at a football academy for example? It sounds like they’re all at a really high level! I’d try to make it work if you can.

The girls don’t qualify for funding.
this is an opportunity of a lifetime for DS, he can’t turn it down plus like I said his won’t cost us a penny but he’s had enough spent on him to get him this far. I really don’t think spending all this money and him becoming a physio if he doesn’t make the cut or gets injured is a bad thing or the wrong decision. If everyone had that attitude then no one would get anywhere in life. Truthfully if he doesn’t ’make It’ and he become a photo or a coach for any sports team and gets to travel the world and better yet for a massive club he won’t be short of a few bucks.

My DC are not in this league of ability but honestly I think you are mad. The odds of success are so small especially for someone who doesn't speak (DD2) .
I have several friends who are in adjacent industries to dance and I can tell you that it is hard yards and fairly much no money. The ones who have roof over their head made it another way. It's a vocation not a career. And unless you can fund their vocation (which you are saying you can't) then honestly this is going to end up with all of you on the breadline. I'd also say the same for DS and his sport.
Is there anyone objective you can talk to to understand if this is extraordinary talent here or more a case of the best talent these teachers have seen? Before you bet your house on this?

@TokyoSushi There's no money in ballet.😂