All techers are wangers

[notnowImreading]

What's your favourite ever pupil graffiti or textbook alteration?

I have two: one was by a member of my tutor group (year 9!) and was written on the wall by my desk - it said, 'I shagged XXXX in your chair miss, sorry about the stain.'

The other is an alteration to Much Ado, where Don John no longer says that he would 'rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace.' No, Don John would much rather be a wanker in a hedge.

Have you come across any gems?

Every single incidence of "Protestant" in a KS3 History textbook changed to "prostitute".

When I was on my art PGCE, I did a series of crosstitch samplers of desk graffiti.

My personal favourite was the timeless classic Naveed is a dick, closely followed by Writing is shit.

I love this idea of the sweary samplers - genius.

We once had a massive cock & balls go up just by the school gate on ofsted day a few years back!

Other than that is just more willies all over our beaten up old text books. One is very thoroughly covered - it's like Where's Wally finding them on every page.

Mr & Mrs Doubtie did it HERE!!

It did make me laugh, and I can assure you we didn't

Off topic a bit, but in 5th form (showing my age) me and my mate won a bet by drawing a massive weiner along the length of a corridor, expressing itself joyously just before the Head's office. We got severe letters home and a big telling off 80's style. Although I suspect half the staff room were with us.

We used to have a book in Music called 'A book to Sing'. This was always always changed to 'a book to sling at Sir'

I also remember doing Jane a eyre in Englsh. One of the boys changed decorated the demure picture of Charlotte Bronte on the front, in Kiss style make up. It kind of changed your opinion on the book somehow...

Our primary school comprehension books were called

"Do You Understand?"

Below which, on every single copy, was written "No"

Students at one of my former schools planted a bank of flowers during a community action day. Bank of flowers grew to be a large daffodil penis. When by the daffs died back the new plants gew around the previous shape ensuring a summer long erection was visible...

That is the winner! Wow, how wonderful. Appropriate for spring too - a sort of fertility rite.

Oh God, I remember being shown a drawing by a rather elderly and straight-laced SEN teacher. She was really pleased, she'd been working with the student on his motor skills. She thought it was a parrot on a perch. She had it at the wrong angle and it was, in fact, a huge cock.

And I had to tell her, before she showed anyone else.

We did Oliver Twist for O level. Which became graffitied on our copies to Oliver Twisted Charles Dickend.
Still makes me snigger now.

I worked with an older and v. Straight laced teacher who had to deal with the girl who'd drawn an approximation of what she thought straight laced teacher looked like naked!

the flowers!!

Off topic slightly, a friend of ds got caught by police, we have some old fashioned iron bollards with a, ahem, bulbous top. Every single one had been subtly altered with a discreet vertical line down this bit. Cop just sighed and said "what is it with you boys and cocks?"

A friend and I used to volunteer to tidy up the cupboard in the music room on cold days instead of being forced out into the playground.

All the choir music was kept there, and we were delighted to find the manuscript of a song called 'I Waited For The Lord' under which was written in pencil IN THE MUSIC TEACHER'S HANDWRITING 'but he didn't turn up'.

She went up several points in our estimations for that .

My middle set year 11 boys are addicted to drawing cocks all over their books, & each others'.

I am extremely proud that my neologism for cock has finally caught on. 'Miss! Jordan's drawing a gove on my work again! Miss!'

Oh, & quite a lot of the Year 8 copies of 'Holes' have had the word 'Arse' added above the titles.

Someone did put 'Ass' instead. Inside the front cover was: 'because it is American'. .

ravenAK @ drawing a gove!!!!

When my dd (11) shared my Gove opinions with her class teacher I was at the thought of it! She looked me right in the eye and I swear she winked as she told me - "it's ok mum! I didn't say you think he's a wanker"

I remember in the 80's our German text books all had cartoon style farts drawn by every line drawing - human or animal!

Ahahahaha! "Drawing a Gove"!!! I'm totally having that one. (Not that I'll be encouraging the kids, of course)

That's brill. Dds friend for her gcse art got quotes from news, parents, teachers students about Cock head and did a pictures made up of them. Hit of the staff room. most were fucking rude and true

When I was in school (a hundred years ago!) al the geography books had an X written on to the end of Tampa.

Lots of rude stuff (Marie Clare is a slag, Jean Paul sucks cock etc) written about the kids in the French text book....cn't remember what it was called...La Rochelle featured highly though. Was it called Tricolore?

Love all of these.

I once met a French person who knew the family from La Rochelle in the Tricolore textbook! They were real people!

I'm not a teacher, but I do recall a classmate amending her copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream. All through the text, Titania became Tit, and Bottom became Bum.

Not so much a favourite piece of graffiti, although it's obviously stuck in my head rather: "Ms H is a Snooley". Never did get to the bottom of what a Snooley is, although I'm fairly certain that it wasn't complementary...