Cat missing five days. I messed up, what else can I do?

[miliop]

Both my parents died recently and I have taken in their cat and elderly dog. It has been insanely stressful.

The cat has now been missing for five days and I don't know what else I can do.

I have

• updated his microchip and let them know he is missing
• sent photos and description to all local vets
• put a message on my street WhatsApp and the next street's
• knocked on doors on my street to ask people to check sheds etc
• put his blankets, litter tray and hoover contents outside
• called for him and dusk and dawn, with his food
• called for him at same times in the field above the house and the allotments nearby

For more context, he has always been very much my cat. He knows my voice, he is used to cuddling in with me, he would sleep in the bed with me whenever I went to their house, and has done every night for the last five weeks. I am heartbroken and worried sick.

I am beating myself up because I took him to my house two weeks ago after my second parent died (I had to come home) and I let him out too early. He was fine for the first few days, pottering around the garden and coming in. Then one evening he seemed very quiet and withdrawn and he went out and didn't come back. I feel terrible and stupid about this and wasn't thinking straight. I know I fucked up. I thought he would be ok because he's very used to me and my house/garden is very similar to my parents'.

I'm even worried he could have tried to return to their house, which is 40 miles away. I've had the neighbours put out food and water just in case, and I will go there in a few days. Possibly set a camera up too. I don't know if that's a ridiculous idea that he would try to get home but he only ever knew that house.

Thankfully he is very streetwise, he can and does feed himself. My dad would always say he was very territorial and I'm worried this means he'd simply go back to the place he knows.

I'm wondering what else can I do, and can anyone give me hope?

Oh my love, how awful for you after everything you have been through and this is in no way your fault, not in the slightest, please don't blame yourself. He's just a bit upside down emotionally too and it's impacting on his behaviour. You have done everything you can - you just can't read his mind. And of course you are dealing with this on top of your loss. Cats have an annoying habit of going away for a week and then sauntering in as if nothing has happened. I think the only other thing I could think to do would be to spend some days/nights in your parents home, in case he does return there - but as you are grieving that might not be the best thing for you, you just need to be led by your feelings at the moment. I am keeping everything crossed that he comes home soon and puts your mind at ease. And as I said, most importantly, please don't blame yourself. You are not at fault, not at all. You are being a human, he is being a cat.

I'm sorry your cats missing. There's not much else you can do. He'll probably try to get back to his old address. My cat did this when I moved years ago. I managed to get mine back so you might too. Or maybe someone's taken him in thinking he's lost? Hope you find him.

I think you've done everything you can.
He may try to get back 'home' but it's quite a long way for him to navigate.
Setting up a camera is a good idea, both outside your parents' house and your own, he may even be nearby and just not coming into the house.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Have you tried local Facebook groups @miliop - local area and local missing pets ones?

Yes I've put a post on the local missing cat one. I could put it on more general local groups too. (A little wary as some well-meaning person shared my full address and phone number on social media. That was from the closed street WhatsApp group and you'd think it would be obvious I wouldn't want my exact address out there.)

I worry that I'm not doing enough. I see advice online saying that I should insist on personally inspecting everyone's sheds and garages but I feel that would only piss people off. Everyone has been absolutely lovely when I've knocked on doors and I don't want to push it.

My advice would be to buy a trap and leave that out at your home/garden, MDC are a decent brand. It's probably worth putting up a wildlife or Blink camera too you might just spot him. With the mild weather he could just be living locally.
You can't inspect everyone's shed, a polite request for people to check is all you can do.Worth posting on social media in the area your parents lived as well.
I hope you get him back soon.

You do sound like you are doing everything my cats hide in my garage if I leave the door open. They would only come out if I called I personally wouldn't mind if someone had lost their cat and called in my garage if I was standing there with them but I quite understand some neighbours wouldn't like this.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your much loved cat when you’re already going through a tough time.

It sounds like you’re already doing loads, don’t beat yourself up for an honest mistake. The only other thing I’d suggest is walking around calling for him after dusk a few times in the same night and waiting a good while before moving on to the next section.

One of our cats got stuck in a tree a few years ago and it took four laps late at night before he responded. I’m not sure if he didn’t realise he was stuck the first few times or he didn't want to respond but he became very vocal once I was stood at the bottom of the tree in my neighbour’s garden!!

Hope you find your cat soon ❤️

You can't insist on inspecting people's sheds so don't feel bad about not doing that. All you can do is ask people to check on your behalf. You are doing everything you can.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can. I was looking after my mum's cat when she was in hospital with Covid (we all caught it at my stepdad's funeral) and he escaped from my house. She was distraught, and as you can imagine I absolutely terrible. Anyway, he was gone for 4 months and it was awful, but eventually he was found by someone living in the next street, he was going into their garden and they thought he seemed hungry. I can literally see their house if I walk out of mine and look down the road! So don't give up.

How awfully upsetting for you, losing a cat is terrible at the best of times and you are clearly going through heartache and trauma.

It sounds like you are doing absolutely everything you can do but I would use social media more.

In the olden days we used to put posters on lamp posts and noticeboards. I would now be inclined to spam all the local facebook groups. You can give an idea of the area without naming the street and people can direct message you through fb.

I really hope he comes home very soon. He could well be getting fed by someone, or up a tree, or having a mini adventure that you will never know about when he comes home x

I have just remembered what brought my cat home when he was missing for four days.

I leafletted every house in the surrounding streets, I printed a page with my cat's name and photo and my phone number and posted it through letterboxes.

A neighbour opposite read the leaflet and was then looking out of her bedroom window and realised she could see my cat staring through another neighbour's kitchen window. She went and knocked, noone was in. She went to the cat flap and found it was set on in-only and he'd gone in and got stuck, so she put her hand through and let him out. The owner had gone on holiday. He was about 100 yards away.

I know everything is done online nowadays but a physical leaflet with photo might catch people's attention.

If it makes you feel better, my 11 year old cat (I have had from kitten), occassionally goes off and has, a couple of times, gone for 4-5 days.

I suspect she does not actually go very far. There is a big tree at the end of the garden she spends a lot of time in.

One thing that does seem to work for me (apart form going out at night, rustling a Dreamies packet, calling and listening) is something on YouTube. It's this exact one I have posted. It always seems to work for me. I have 2 cats and sometimes I do need to play this through a Bluetooth speaker but they always come when they hear this. I resort to it after calling and banging their dishes, and shaking the Dreamies.

Good luck!

Have you been back to your parent's old house? Take his old bowl and normal food and leave his pet carrier there, if possible in a sunny place, with an old sweater of yours that you have recently worn. Also leave food just outside your door with water in a bowl he would recognise.

There was a post on MN that someone had recently moved and their cat had disappeared for some days, then returned but watched from a distance for a while before finally returning.

Hopefully your Dear Cat will come back to you.

Poor you, don’t beat yourself up.

When my cat went missing very recently I printed out leaflets with her photo and my number asking people to check sheds etc and keep an eye out. Delivering them was actually a positive thing, kept me occupied and I had some nice chats with not-very-near neighbours I’d never met. I delivered 100s 😬

I also posted in the local FB group, as well as the missing cats one… it was the former that led to a sighting of her. I would do that in your parents’ old area too.

Agree on worn clothing left out.

Keep the faith x

I’ve recorded on mobile my cat miaowing. We’ve retrieved him from woods beyond our garden by playing his recording outside, tho we do have to pause in most likely areas to let him know he can shift a bit.
Saying as there maybe some cat miaows online to copy & could use to try & get some sort of response? maybe if OP is calling as well.
Many yrs ago another cat wandered a huge field away, but shepherd put up electric netting inbetween which kitty wouldn’t cross. He was a Bengal, so darkish tabby, but when i spoke to shepherd he just said he’d seen a black cat, so must follow up anyone’s views of newish cats. This 1 came out of undergrowth with me shaking the biscuit tin for a very looong time. He was very good at catching voles etc. and weather was warm , but had been away for 9 days.
keeping fingers crossed for you both 🤞

So sorry fir your loss.

It's not your fault.

Definitely get the cat on general Facebook groups. They can work wonders with missing pets! I think you’ve done everything you can do - will your parents’ neighbours keep an eye out. It probably hasn’t gone too far.

Cats wander off at the best of times so please don't beat yourself up about this. Try purring posters on lampposts where you live. Take some with you if go back to your parents home and stick some up there too. Hope you find him soon.

We had a cat go awol a month or so back - he’s my MiL’s cat and we’ve had him since summer while she renovates a new house. I felt awful, even though we kept him in almost six weeks before giving in and letting him out.

We did everything you have, but what really worked was printing leaflets with his photo on them and going door to door putting them through letterboxes, in the community centre, sports centre etc. My DP works from home so I put his number on them, and I swear to god, the neighbourhood was on fire with watchers! His phone was red hot, and we quickly realised that the cat was not far away at all, he was just enjoying his freedom. A thread on the local community FB page was useful too, and we knew he was drinking out of people’s dog bowls and sleeping on patios - any time we went to a sighting he would eyeball us then stroll off! We started putting his food out in the garden and that was a treat for our cat and next door’s cats, but after six days he popped up for a big eat, then came in for a big sleep. He had a bit of a dodgy tummy for a couple of days but was otherwise absolutely fine.

We kept him in for a week again before letting him out, and now he’s totally cracked it and appears 15 minutes before mealtimes. A punctual gentleman.

MiL did let her old neighbours know in case he was heading back there, but my gut instinct was that he was local, and that was right. If there’s a FB group for his old area could you post on there?

Putting leaflets through doors got mine back. And she was extremely close by, just across the road

She got out the first day I got her and didnt know me or the area

OP if it's any consolation, many cats do this. I moved house two streets away and it took years before my older cat would stop going back to my old house. Then a 'kindly' neighbour at the bottom of my new street (whom I didn't know), decided to feed her assuming she was a stray, so she started to stay there. I literally had to argue with the woman to get her back. They are so independent. Social media is your friend in this situation, and physical posters. Sheds and garages another option but not so easy to check over that distance. My sister once lost her cat and she had sneaked into her neighbours house and they'd gone on holiday for a fortnight, not realising it was in their house; she saw her cat sitting in their front room window! Next drama was to find the cleaner who had a key. Immense stress for owners, cat unharmed- prob drank out of toilet bowl! Sorry for your loss - this must be a very stressful time for you. X

Second this. When I 'lost' my newish cat he hadn't gone away, just didn't feel like coming in. He was busy marking his new territory. (I trapped a couple of other cats first though.)

Ar another house I lived at it was the opposite. A cat and her boyfriend were cavorting in my garden for days on end and she hadn't gone home all that time though her home was only 2 houses away. Her owner was distraught and was going house to house searching, convinced she'd been kidnapped.....No the cat was enjoying her romance too much to bother going home.( Presumably they were catching their dinners in my garden too.)

In all probability your cat will come back in due course , when he feels like it, after he's investigated the neighbourhood. Perhaps when it starts to rain....

Thank you all. You've all been really kind. And I'm grateful for the reassurance and the positive stories.

I've just been out leafletting the houses where I haven't spoken to people personally. I will share on more Facebook groups too.

The only good thing is I've learned just how lovely people are around here. A lady from the top of the street knocked on the door earlier with a photo of a cat she had seen (not mine, sadly). And everyone I've spoken to has been so nice.

Setting out a camera on the cat flap tonight in case he is sneaking in and will see about doing the same at my parents' house at the weekend if he isn't back by then.

I know all the neighbours around my parents' house although annoyingly there is another cat that looks just like him. But if he makes it back there, I'm certain he'll head straight into the house, or to one of his favourite spots outside.

Oh bless his furry paws, he may come back we had a re homed cat and he was gone 9 days and came back or he may going back to his old home, bless him