My cat is a pain

[SkyBlue1987]

So annoyed at our kitten right now. I’m in a bad space with him, pretty sure he hates me too. He is 7 months. I’m solo parenting this week so was already exhausted. I was finishing up some work at the dining table (it was 9pm here) and the kitten was in a deep sleep next to me. Went to check on my two year old and during the short walk to his room the kitten must have woken and followed me as he sprinted past my feet when I opened the door and hid under the bed. That was my mistake for not shutting the kitten away while I opened the kids doors but I was tired and thought he was far too asleep. I tried to entice him out with some treats and his ribbon but it didn’t work so just left him hoping he’d follow me out soon. Five mins later I hear my child scream and the cat make the meow sound that they make when fighting so run back in there and my child is so upset, cat next to his head. Cat must have tried attacking his head or something. Can’t see any scratches so rock child back to sleep meanwhile cat still under bed where I can’t reach him. Try for 10 mins to get cat out quietly no luck. Resort to water gun, every time I spray he darts somewhere else in the room but won’t get out. Try to pick him up he nips his head around to bite me. Took 25 mins to get him out a damn room (by now kitten soaked with water) then 20 mins or so to get him into the room he sleeps in. 45 mins spent fighting with a small
kitten tonight when I wanted to be in bed. Is it supposed to be this hard? How do I get a kitten out a damn room? How do I get him to stop attacking my child at night so I don’t have to lock him away? Can I actually repair my relationship with this cat? I can’t get rid of the cat as he is my husband and older child’s cat who adore him and who have wanted a cat for years. Usually I would make my husband deal with the situation tonight but he was away. Guess I just needed to vent.

People here, me included, are struggling to get past the image of a tiny, frightened, soaking wet kitten.

OP seems to be struggling with the advice given - people have suggested things and she is saying she can't do them for this, that or the other reason.

The kitten needs to come first here, not the OP's older DS or her husband. If they genuinely adore the kitten they should want it to be happy and content.

This.......he's not being deliberately naughty OP, he's just playing when he won't come out of hiding. He sounds like he's already scared of you, please don't spray him again. His home is meant to be his safe sanctuary too.

You clearly have zero understanding of animals. Please find him a new home. Kittens and toddlers don’t mix anyway, unless you’re a parent with common sense around animals.

Yes he probably was just playing hiding, or knew he had been a bit naughty, although I wanted him out in a hurry, so I could go to bed. Otherwise he’d probably curl up under there and nap for a few hours.

It's a kitten for god's sake, how hard can it be? I've had loads of kittens, none of them have been exhausting.
It doesn't sound to me like you should be looking after pets if you treat them like this.
My 16 year old can be a pain - she claws me until I agree to pet her the way she wants so if I'm busy I just gently pick her up and put her in another room until I've finished doing whatever it is. There is no chasing,shouting, spraying - the poor old girl would have a heart attack.
No cat should ever be sprayed with water.
Try treats instead.
It sounds like you have no idea how cat brain works.

Then you all need to.

He didn't know he had been naughty. Because he hadn't been!
It's very likely he was trying to curl up in a warm spot, i.e. beside your sleeping toddler.
Kittens aren't dangerous beasts.

He will get better OP but cats do have a knack of being most devious and cunning when you're tired.

A kitten isn't human, he doesn't have the capacity to know he's being "naughty ". Have you ever owned a pet? You seem to think they're small children, although one would hope you treat your children better.

I reacted very strongly to the image of you chasing an increasingly scared kitten around a small child's room with a water pistol. You terrorised the cat and modelled extremely poor behaviour to your child. I didn't take in the other aspects of your post at first because I was so angry.

• Your kitten already likes you enough that he is comfortable sleeping next you. This is good. CatOfHate would sleep on my desk whilst I was working.
• When you got up, he followed you. This is normal cat behaviour and again indicates that the cat likes you. CatOfHate would follow me around the house.
• When you opened the door to a normally-closed-off space, the kitten entered it eagerly. This is normal cat behaviour, they are curious. I couldn't open a kitchen cupboard or a drawer without CatOfHate wanting to go inside.
• Your kitten wanted to either play with your child or join them on the bed. This is normal cat behaviour. CatOfHate slept with me nearly every night of his life and would attack my dressing gown cord when I got out of bed.
• Your child screamed and your kitten screamed back. The "cat fight" yowl is the feline version of a scream, a combination distress call and threat display. There's been a misunderstanding between the child and the kitten. Perhaps the child was startled by the kitten and reacted as though threatened. The kitten would then think your child was attacking it or about to attack and would scream too. This is normal cat behaviour.
• When you came in, the kitten hid. It was scared. This is normal cat behaviour.
• You then hunted the kitten. Literally, you displayed hunting behaviours in order to extract it from your child's bedroom. Have you ever seen a cat try to put its paw down the side of the fridge to reach a spider? Or crawl under the sofa after a toy? Stare intently at the laser pointer whilst deciding when to pounce. CatOfHate would treat the mice he brought home the way you treated that kitten, singlemindedly doing everything he could to flush it out and reach it. Yes, the kitten tried to bite you. The kitten is, what 5-10% of the weight of a human. If you thought a 700kg giant was hunting you, you'd run and hide and fight back with everything you had.

Next time the kitten goes under the bed, just ignore it for ten minutes and then offer a treat. I do mean ignore it. Staring at it impatiently is what a predator hunting it would do. When the kitten is scared, it goes back to instincts. It's not thinking "this is my colony-mate who brings food to me", it's thinking "two eyes staring at me, I'm being hunted". Ignoring it for a few minutes gives it time to calm down and remember who you are.

The bigger picture is that you need to learn about cat behaviour. You need to stop expecting your kitten to act like a dog or a child and instead understand how cats and humans interact.

Cats don't understand the concept of "naughty". You are ascribing moral agency to an animal that cannot have it.

It's not a problem if he does nap under your child's bed. Just leave the door open enough so he can get out and keep the door closed after he's left.

Jesus 🙄

All cats are stubborn so try to curb the kitten going into your children's rooms now or it'll be every night 😂

How's the kitten today?

This is very upsetting. The kitten is still a baby. Soaking him with a water gun. You should be ashamed. You have no idea how to look after a kitten/cat.

And that may well be the issue. Rescues, and many reputable cat breeders, won't rehome/sell kittens to families with toddlers in the first place. A toddler is far too young to fully understand what a kitten is trying to do, won't be capable of reading warning signs, and is very unlikely to have any thought processes around this being an exceptionally delicate living creature - there have been many cases of a toddler grabbing at a kitten too hard and breaking bones!

Thank you that’s helpful advice, I will try ignoring him for a bit next time see what happens.

He seems fine! Parked himself in his usual spot on the bath mat while I was showering so maybe not that mad at me.

That wouldn’t work in this instance. It was 9/10pm and I did not want to go to bed myself with the kitten having access to my child or the child having unsupervised access to kitten overnight so needed him out and door shut overnight or kitten in an area he can’t get to child’s room.

That sounds like a frustrating situation, and kittens especially sure have their own minds. I won’t add to the hard time you’ve already gotten!

Do you have a wand toy? Mine find them irresistible and that usually works for leading them where I want them to go. They particularly like the ones with real feathers.

There are some great books available about cat behavior. Just do a web search and check the reviews. I have one by Mieshelle Nagelschneider that is great, but I bought it to deal with a specific issue and you might find something more suited to your kitty.

You really need to speak to your partner about rehoming this kitten. You have had so many threads complaining about it.

Given that there wasn't a mark on your child, why are you opposed to the kitten being in the room with the child?

Our cats weren't barred from spending the night with us. One of them would sleep between the cot and the door when we were babies, like a little guard.

Poor kitten. Rehome

It doesn’t sound like the cat attacked your child though. If a cat attacks there would be marks, scratches etc. It seems like the cat just wanted to play, albeit at an inappropriate time, so when the horrible person drenching it left the room, it came out, up on the bed and tried to wake your child to play. My adult child’s cat does this, it’s young, and if it wants to play and you are asleep they will try and wake you up to interact with them. They are not ‘attacking’.

You seem very hysterical, not used to cats, and frankly abusive. It would be best for the poor thing to be rehomed. Doesn’t matter if it’s your husbands, if he is not home to look after it, and that means the cat is subjected to you and abuse, it should go to a home where everyone there can look after it properly.

You shouldn’t have got a kitten in the first place, you are ill equipped to handle him. You need to rehome him asap with someone who will love him

Tips for getting kitten out of room:

• give it space. Sit outside so you can monitor situation and try to entice it out with pspss and treats. When you chase, it becomes a game. Or it gets scared.
• use smelly food: warm up some wet food just a little (7secs in 800w microwave is enough) or serve up high value treats like cheese/tuna/tinned salmon
• calm child and then sort removal of cat before putting child back down to sleep: gives you much more latitude for getting hold of cat
• scruffing is effective and won't hurt the kitten
• invest in a laser pen toy. Be careful not to get it in kitten's eyes, but most cats love The Dot and in a dark room it's very effective and you can easily direct the cat outside, from outside
• deep breath and patience. You were towards the end of your tether and you can't manage any animal at that point. You need to hold it together for long enough to deal with them

Tips to repair and improve your relationship with the kitten:

• Love & fuss.
• Patience
• Food!
• Consent and respect- learn to recognised and respond to body language signals
• Space - kittens get overstimulated. When this happens you either hold them close or give them space (depends on the cat which they respond to)
• Chat to it - often and about anything! Cats really respond to chat, they learn words and intonation and many will learn to vocalise back to you. As well as deepening your bond, it can help recall.
• Grooming - combing/brushing is really important for lots of reasons, but it also creates a bond. Your kitten might attack the comb, some do, so always let them see and sniff it, be gentle and don't move the comb over their head where they can't see it. Start small and stop when they want you to stop. Some cats take years to accept being brushed but it's good to be persistent because one day they will need assistance to groom and you don't want them to find it stressful

I'm not going to berate you @SkyBlue1987 like most of this thread! You know you mishandled the situation and you clearly both care about your kitten and recognise your inexperience. You've come here for help.

Take some time to read up on kitten development and cat behaviour and body language, it will help, and remember that your kitten is still a baby too - it doesn't know its being 'naughty'. It looks to you for safety and love - I know it's challenging when you have small children but the more time and attention you can give it, the better its behaviour and your relationship with it.

Next time, you'll remember to close the door :)