My cat is an arsehole today because...

[Mabelface]

He jumped up on the kitchen work surface whilst I wasn't looking and trod on the coffee machine power button, switching it off. Arsehole.

Brought in another bloody mouse. Is now staring at the furniture where said mouse has gone to hide (and probably eventually die unless it is brave or stupid enough to attempt to escape, when it will get eaten).

Dcat tabby is 11 and supposedly elderly but that doesn't stop her running up and downstairs like a loon miaowing at all hours and jumping on my bed with wild eyes to posture at me at regular intervals.
I have a full day in the NHS tomorrow and need my sleep.

My cat D - Not disclosing real name as it's uncommon , who is back at my parents with me and has been there most of my uni life (I was in a rental with my ex partner across the country) has been a bloody arsehole to the rest of the family, going to town on himself in the background of my zoom calls of my new role, sleeping on my bed for literally 16 hours a day, standing behind my mum on important zoom calls and meowing til she grabs him and hugs him, trying to spoon any of us in our sleep and stealing our food (ESPECIALLY CHEESE AND GARLIC AND HERB DIP WTF??) My parents have sworn when I get into my new rental next month he will be coming with me

We are both sat on the sofa (Grumpycat and myself) - and we hear for the first time and alarming sound from the garage. Could be a mouse or rat. So he gets up and has a listen but then looks at me as if to say "Are you going to deal with that?" and then has gone back to sleep.

Dkitten (at awkward teenage stage) is obsessed by eating plants and playing with the soil around them. She is currently an arsehole because on every opportunity she gets into the bathroom, climbs onto the cistern and knocks over the various plants on the windowsill, scattering soil everywhere.

She decided that she wanted to sleep on our bed while I was making the bed, so we have a corner neatly folder back so as not to disturb her.
Meowed at 6am for food, insisted on drinking out of the bedside glass, DH had to hold it for her and tip it towards her. #spoiledandpampered

Cat 1 spent all night blocking the cat flap
Cat 2 spent all night fighting the neighbour's cat on the patio and trying to get through the cat flap away from the neighbour's cat
Cat 3 spent all night on my bed being an annoying shit

Now Cat 1 wants to go out and Cats 2&3 are asleep.

My cat thinks that when it's raining and he can't be arsed to go hunting he should get cat food whenever he fancies it, which is about 300 times a day. When I don't agree he either claws me or pees on the doormat.

He stole my brand new ear plugs and has been chewing on them.
The other one knocked over a bowl of cereal to get to the left over milk.
It's a good job I love the fuzzy little idiots!

We've got a new coffee table - never had one in this house before as we had side tables but we couch is bigger.

DCat2 thinks it's hilarious to launch himself from the coffee table onto my lap / belly. All 9lb of him. And he never retracts his claws, either.

Dcat1 normally spends her days in her nest (with heat pad) in the utility room, venturing out only into the kitchen or garden twice a day. But because the decorators are here doing the hall/stairs/landing she has spent the while day in the hall yelling at them, attempting to rub her fur into the wet paint and staring at them.
Dcat2 climbed on the back of my chair during a Zoom call. Dcat3 has been pretty well behaved

When it is peaceful and quiet and I am relaxing on the sofa, mine will approach the sofa completely noiselessly then jump up next to my ear and meow, scaring the bejeezus out of me EVERY time!
I swear he has taken life insurance out on me which he can cash in if I peg it from a heart attack!

Dcat has been really good today. I think I should be worried as I don't know what she is planning or has done.

Mine has walked up and down on my keyboard and stood with his nose against mine while I try to work, bawling at me that he wants.... something.... it might be fuss, more food, directions on how to get to the right place for a wee. We have explored all the options. He isn't sure. But whatever it is he wants it now.

She bopped a workman on the head as he was walking up the stairs.

Our cat wants a gin and tonic... He has mot stopped following me around whinging loudly since I began to pour it...

Mine has discovered my heated blanket and hasnt moved off it for more than a few minutes at a time since yesterday evening. Im cold.

@Mabelface

He's also bored but not wanting to play properly because it's wet outside. My fault, apparently.

Cats always blame you for the weather.

It’s the cats blanket now @TracyMosby. You’ll have to buy your own blanket.

Once, at the vets, my cat walked over the keyboard and the vet was laughing as amongst the random letters was a swear word. Making her feelings towards the vet very clear…

My cat is normally shut downstairs at night so that I get a good nights sleep. Somehow he has learned how to open the door.... 🙈

My entire gang have gone over to the dark side today. I'm frozen trying to save on heating bills, so wrapped in blankets and disabled so getting up and down is hard work made a lot harder by being wrapped in blankets. All three are tag teaming, demanding I open and close the kitchen door depending on whichever side they're not currently on, kicking it and howling until I get up and then changing their minds and not going through, and demanding to be lifted onto the kitchen counter in order to tell me they're definitely not eating that. Apparently it's a good game.

She used my breast as a launching pad to the back of the sofa where she is ignoring me.

SalsaLove ouch! Mine launches from my belly which is bad enough!

My beautiful, fluffy 5 year old rescue ragdoll boy, and part time arsehole did this to me. Has anyone had any luck with those plug in things to calm the buggers down? I think he has too much testosterone as he humps everything too (neutered)