I am a terrible cat servant

[DefinitelyOdd]

After months of grooming and attempting to get out the dreadlocks out of my newest cat's fur, I bit the bullet and had her shaved into a lion cut. The cat is utterly unimpressed with me and has suggested that I need retraining in my servitude.

I have already gone to the shop to buy her a deli meat selection pack in order to bribe her to love me again and am prepared to sacrifice my hot water bottles to Her Majesty's needs......what else could I do to earn her forgiveness? Any ideas?

You can't. You have signed your own death warrant!

Aw bless her. I’ve had good luck with begging and deli meat as well as giving up my seat on the sofa. Best wishes, this is a tough one!

Oh brilliant. Do you have a photo from the front?

She is refusing to look at me right now but as soon as I can I will try and get a full frontal picture. She's in a right grump at thr minute!

You best sleep with one eye open

Never mind the hot water bottle. Line your bed with a top class electric blanket and goose down pillows and 10 billion thread count sheets. Place a nice of caviar and salmon on the bedside table along with a bowl of cream and prepare to sleep on the kitchen floor...

oh and you had better be prepared to deal with your own pest control from this day forward...

I’m dying laughing over here at that picture. Placemarking for when she’s finally willing to look directly at you in disgust and you can get a picture.

I can’t wait to see the ‘from the front’ picture!

Poor baby! She looks blue in that photo!

One of my cats needs that haircut! He runs when I come at him with a brush or comb

He has snow on him in that picture

I was going to ask if it was dandruff...

I have been debating doing this with mine too! This is hilarious. Can't wait for the front picture.

The look of disgust....

Oh she is just lovely!!!!! Awwww!!!

Do you have insurance? For yourself I mean.

Rookie mistake - remember they have access to
Frogs
Slugs
Mice
Spiders
Birds

They have 4x4 claws and they always get up before you .... without fail!!

In fact one of my cats lurks under my bed even though I've got my bedroom patio doors wide open allowing her access to the world .... she still waits til I'm snuggled in bed TIL she scratches at the door to get out .... without fail!! In fact I've taken to catching her beforehand how ... moo bag!!

I have life insurance so she won't be homeless. I have reminded her that she has done so well to train me and might not get another human up to scratch.

Currently we are snuggled under a blanket watching grimm. I think the deli meat saved our relationship! (My two short haired cats are both bemused and jealous)

:). The two shorthairs will be plotting now:)

I think the deli meat saved our relationship!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaa...

From the look on her face you're deluded OP! She's lulling you in to a false sense of security.

I agree, you are deluded. You are in so much trouble!

I was going to suggest breaking out the hand carved ham but I see you've done so.

When mil couldn't get asbo in I said take money out of the cupboard and buy hand carved ham.

She bought packet ham, not even taste the difference, I had to drive from Devon to the midlands to get him, then back again in a day. You can't skimp on these things.

I don't have a cat flap so spend a lot of time opening windows and doors. I closed the window too soon and caught the end of her tail (only the fur not the bone).

I was resoundingly told off right up until the point the ham was offered.

Oops I was 30 mins late getting up this morning (despite everyone else being up) and I paid for it.
Neither have come for cuddles yet just glare at me. They've had a treat but still getting the look