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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

i have a clingy cat...

40 replies

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 22:23

she just will not leave my side. all day she cries for fuss. as soon as i sit down she is on me, which isn't so bad when i have nothing to do. its great in the evening to snuggle with her whilst i read but the problems come at bedtime...

she has only been living here 6 days so in terms of settling in and forming bonds she is doing brilliantly and Im impressed with how great she's doing. i am shutting her in the kitchen at night, which is where her food, water, tray, bed, toys, us-smelling blanket are all situated. but she spends hours just crying for fuss.

im not comfortable with her being allowed free roam of the whole house while we're in bed so how can i encourage her to sleep on her bed/blanket without getting fretful? im like a mum up with a newborn... i hear her cries and Im a sucker

OP posts:

bootsycollins · 01/06/2013 22:28

Arw how cute, is she Siamese by any chance?

Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 22:32

no she isn't. i don't know what she is though... just normal cat black and white.

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Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 22:34

argh i can hear her now

i can't have her upstairs with me because she can't get downstairs on her own... she refuses to jump over the stair gates i have to open them for her and she just struts through

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MumnGran · 01/06/2013 22:34

Hi "new mum"

You don't say how old you new little one is? if she is a young kitten then it will be the first time she has ever been on her own ...no mum, and no warm bodies to curl up with. That's very scary and thats why she is crying.
, then Lots of us end up with our cats sleeping in our beds ever after However, if that's not for you then you can try leaving a ticking clock in the room with her, close to the bed. A warm hot water bottle for her to snuggle up to ...... and a soft furry toy can also help. If she cries, go in, gently put her in her bed, and go out again .... no fussing, no strokes.

If she is an older cat, then she may just be very confused by the change in her circumstances. Its still very early days and she just needs lots of reassurance. You can start to wean her away from this by popping her in her bed for a reassuring stroke, during the day, instead of lifting her onto a lap. It is also possible that in her previous life she always slept with the owner, so being alone is an unknown for her. The tips for night-training of kittens may also help an adult who is struggling with being left.

Hope this helps.

cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 22:38

If she's got Siamese/Oriental in her (which sounds a good chance from what you say) then you're in trouble. I've never had one, in many years, who has wanted to sleep anywhere but in bed. In fact they bond with their people so strongly that they see not being allowed to go in bed as a punishment for something. (Which may be part of the reason for the over-clinginess during the day - trying to get back in your good graces as she sees it.)

Why not try a night in your bed? It should calm the situation right down. (Just leave the doors open so that she can get to her tray.)

cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 22:40

Ah x post. Tray above the stairgate waterline then. (If you have to have them shut at night for some reason.)

Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 22:41

sorry she is 1yo. that's really helpful thank you, it really is like sleep training a toddler! ill try and encourage her into her bed in the day for a few mins and take it from there.

at what age are kittens not kittens anymore? 1yo seems like a bit in between ish. she's very dainty.

in her previous home she was shut outdoors all night so that might be playing a part in it.

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cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 22:42

1 is really a kitten. Just a bit grown that's all.

Good luck.

Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 22:44

xpost cosie, how do i know what breed she is?

i do have to keep the gates closed at night due to a roaming toddler...

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bootsycollins · 01/06/2013 22:46

Controlled crying or will she be joining you in bed tonight?. I'm currently sharing my bed with our gorgeous black and white boy, dh says he's treated like a little prince (the cat that is not dh)

deliasmithy · 01/06/2013 22:46

If shes only been there 6 days then shes probably just anxious and out of sorts.
Its horrible hearing them crying for company but as they learn that you keep coming back the next morning, most cats will get better. If you keep responding to her noises she will quickly learn that its effective at getting what she wants.

I just go in the room last thing before bed, give a reassuring cuddle and stroke etc, leave a small light on, then shut the door and ignore the miaowing, attempts at opening the door handle, sounds of the cat scratching the door etc. You can usually tell the difference between noises that say I'm lonely/bored and I need help.

My anxious cat has ceased doing her impressions of a foghorn but will occasionally flare up and miaow outside our bedroom door. I respond briefly then but generally I try and ignore all unwanted behaviour.

I view them much like toddlers - intelligent enough to manipulate you but also needing looking after.

deliasmithy · 01/06/2013 22:50

Oh and I've never been able to choose a bed for my cats, they choose their own! I have many unused proper cat beds. Mine love a good clean pile of washing, my dressing gown, a duvet, and a dog bed.

cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 22:53

You can't know for definite, Coconuts (unless you know Mum and Dad) - sometimes you can make a judgment from their physical conformation and behaviour. (A poster on this board took in a female Siamese who was pregnant unbeknownst to her and she produced 7 kits, not one of whom had Siamese colouring if I recall.)

I was just judging partly by the clinginess but more by the sheer speed with which she's bonded. 6 days is ultra fast. It was only a guess though.

Try the sleep training and see how that goes.

bootsycollins · 01/06/2013 23:02

I'm sure our last cat had something of the Siamese about him, he a regal looking, long limbed, delicate, big eared pointy faced sweetheart. His nose in profile used to remind me of a Native American if that makes any sense

MumnGran · 01/06/2013 23:03

"theoretically" they stop being kittens at 9 months, but they are then adolescents not adults .... and can still exhibit very kittenish behaviour (mind you, so can one of mine who is 12 !)

If she was always put out at night before, then that is probably her issue now ..... scary as it might be, she probably wants to be out chasing moths and roaming around. Please don't let her! you are doing the right thing, and the safe thing, for her by keeping her in but its definiteoly hoinh to take a bit of time to retrain.
Personally ..... I would take a litter tray up to the bathroom at night, so she can "go" upstairs, and let her sleep with me.
But I am a sucker

P.S. short of a DNA test, you can't know what your cat may have in its ancestry unless it has some clear pedigree markers such as blue eyes, or solid points and pale cream/off-white everywhere else, or is hairless (as in Sphynx)
Some traits such as being vocal are strongly associated with Siamese, so there may be something in the ancestry way back, but I have known several very chatty moggies who were exactly that ... pure Heinz 57 variety

cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 23:06

It's interesting if you look at the Critter Room thread to see just how hugely vocal Mom is - and she's thrown a pointed kit. Originally I assumed that a Siamese or ragdoll had got in there quickly - but who knows.

edam · 01/06/2013 23:08

aww, poor kitten. She's in a completely new environment which must be very scary.

I have no idea how you stop her crying for company as every cat I've ever had has slept in the bed when and if he or she wishes. Actually that's a fib, current moggie does occasionally get banished to the kitchen by dh when said moggie has been particularly trying - e.g. ripping up carpets to try and wake us up.

Siamese cats are indeed very, very, very attached to their humans. When one of ours was elderly, she took to sitting at the top of the stairs and yelling for attention in the middle of the night - really cross yowling. She had access to three separate people in three separate bedrooms but was just a grumpy old lady who wanted someone to go to her!

You can spot a Siamese body; half-Siamese AFAIK don't get the coat but they do get the body and face shape. Google Siamese cats and have a look.

MumnGran · 01/06/2013 23:10

oo-er! .... have I missed a post?
... or something else?

Where are these baby pix?? what happened with the mum

cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 23:11

The Critter Room Thread MumnGran! I'll bump it for you.

edam · 01/06/2013 23:11

(When I say AFAIK, that's going by my childhood cat, who had two litters with the local Tom. All 13 offspring had Siamese bodies/ faces/ characters/ voices but none of them had a Siamese coat - most were black-and-white in various patterns but the one we kept was chintz.)

Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 23:14

have been off doing some googling and i think she's just a DSH. i say 'just' but ykwim.

she is black and white, markings seem quite random, black nose and under chin but white face and black ears. she is on the whole quite small, ears are just ears.

she developed the bond with me almost immediately, it was like she walked in and i was hers. she settled very well, no toilet accidents, i showed her her tray once and that was that. she hid from the kids for a couple of days but after about 4 days she's been great with them. it couldn't have gone any better really. after three days she decided outside looks fun and i can't have any windows open downstairs at all taking the rubbish out and emptying the litter tray has me pulling 007 moves

i love her

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Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 23:17

I've seen and been in the company of a couple of siamese cats before, she's definitely doesn't look like them. nor is she that vocal. she just does little mews but high pitched so even if they aren't loud you can still hear them iykwim.

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Fluffycloudland77 · 01/06/2013 23:18

Sometimes a hot water bottle under the blanket helps ours settle.

Original poster

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 01/06/2013 23:20

ill try and add some pictures of her tomorrow when im on the pc, can't do it from my phone on the app.

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cozietoesie · 01/06/2013 23:21

Well it sounds as if she's really bonded strongly - so my wish of Good Luck still stands. She may need you more than you realize.

(Sleeping with them seems to fill them up with 'personness' so is often good for easing then off during the day. Just mentioning it so pay no attention if it doesn't suit. I've just had Siamese for so long that I don't even think about living life any other way - so my judgment on this is not to be relied on. )

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