Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Toddler jealous of puppy

46 replies

Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 19:40

Please do not judge on this. I feel bad enough as is and am just looking for advice. We recently got a labradoodle - my daughter is ten and my son is 3.5. Daughter loves the puppy, no problem there but my son is insanely jealous. He can occasionally be mean to the dog, not overly so but enough that I’m concerned for both. I feel like a total failure as my daughter will be crushed if I have to rehome but I’m exhausted from constantly watching over son and pup to make sure nothing happens. I’ve tried explaining to my Son to be gentle and most of the time he is but at his age I just don’t think he understands properly. Has anyone had this situation and what did they do? I suffer from anxiety as well and it’s currently through the roof. I had best intentions of it being such a lovely thing but it’s turning into a nightmare every day.

OP posts:
IWishItWasSummer · 03/01/2020 19:45

I’ve tried explaining to my Son to be gentle and most of the time he is but at his age I just don’t think he understands properly.

I presume he understands the meaning of ‘no’? One of my pet hates is people who minimise children being ‘mean’ to animals. It’s your job to teach him right from wrong.

gamerchick · 03/01/2020 19:48

You have to constantly supervise unfortunately. Mine has ASD and when we got the cat he simply would not leave the poor bugger alone. I had to just keep on top of it. I'd lock the cat in a room when going to the toilet, I sat kid on freezer when I was cooking and so on. Took around 10 months.

Rollonspringtime2020 · 03/01/2020 19:49

Rehome obviously..
I am sure someone will want a 3.5 awful dc...
Grin
What consequences has your dc been given?

gamerchick · 03/01/2020 19:51

And get a bit tougher. No gentle hands and all that stuff. He needs it hammering home that what he's doing is a no no. Like touching the oven.

DICarter1 · 03/01/2020 19:53

I think you need to hammer home that he cannot be mean and develop some consequences. Both my kids have asd but we’re very strict with them about how they treat our dog.

QuillBill · 03/01/2020 19:53

Yes, tell him off more effectively. Presumably you wouldn’t let him carry on like that if you had had another baby.

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:01

No of course I wouldn’t...but at the moment the real issue is that the dog could badly hurt my son. We are being strict but I’m guessing in a 3 yos mind that’s used to being the baby it’s causing jealousy. Obviously I would never let it get worse but I just don’t know how to handle the situation.

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 03/01/2020 20:01

He's coming up on 4, of course he understands "no"!
How do you punish him for hurting the pup? Time out? Or just "gentle chats"?

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:02

We are being as tough as we can believe me. I just think this jealousy is consuming him unfortunately. Believe me I’m heartbroken by it

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:03

Yes he does but in his mind he’s not the baby anymore and something is getting the attention he was

OP posts:
IWishItWasSummer · 03/01/2020 20:05

Of course the puppy could hurt your son if you continue to let him hurt it. Never mind “letting it get worse”, just stop your son being mean to the puppy NOW - there is no excuse for anyone being cruel to an animal.

IWishItWasSummer · 03/01/2020 20:06

We are being as tough as we can believe me

Not tough enough if he is still hurting an animal. Poor thing would be better rehomed.

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:08

And as I just said, he is being reprimanded. He’s a wilful boy though and not quite as simple as “just stop him being mean” obviously I would have done that. He’s not vicious, he just doesn’t act as gently as he should be

OP posts:
TheMovingFishfinger · 03/01/2020 20:11

Have you tried lots of praise when he is being kind to the dog? Making a big deal of how nice that is and what a good boy he is etc etc? Currently trying to teach my 15 month old not to be mean to the dog. So far telling him 'no!' has made him more aggressive. (Takes after my stubbornness Hmm). Clapping my hands and acting all enthusiastic when he is gentle seem to encourage him more to continue being nice to the dog.

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:13

And that is what I am considering.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:13

Yes, thing is he’s always excited to see the dog and I think part of him loves it but doesn’t know how to deal with the other side. And thank you for not judging!

OP posts:
Doveyouknow · 03/01/2020 20:14

I think you will just need to monitor closely until the jealously passes. Is there some way you can give him a role in looking after the dog to make him feel grown up rather than sad about no longer being the baby?

I assume if it was as simple as being stricter or telling him off more you wouldn't be posting here.

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:14

Both. And we have been coming down on him heavily the last week

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 03/01/2020 20:17

Op have you ever had a puppy before?
They are hard work and mouth.
Mouthing is not biting.

What breed is your puppy and how old?

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:21

Exactly. And trust me it’s heart breaking. And for everyone saying about animal cruelty, trust me that’s not me. I used to volunteer at my local rspca for rescue dogs! Never thought I’d have this situation!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:22

No I haven’t, he’s an Aussie labradoodle and about 4 months.

OP posts:
TopBitchoftheWitches · 03/01/2020 20:30

Ok, puppies are hard work. But workable. With training they learn good behaviour.
Your child needs to also learn to leave the puppy alone. Your child is too young to be alone with the puppy.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 03/01/2020 20:32

What's an Aussie labradoodle?
I know what a labradoodle is here in the UK.

Original poster
Lou9685 · 03/01/2020 20:33

I never leave him alone trust me. I do think he loves the dog but is also jealous. I love the dog he’s very sweet and I’d be heartbroken at having to rehome

OP posts:
wetotter · 03/01/2020 20:33

He might be appallingly jealous, and his feeling should be respected.

But you have to teach him now and in letters of fire that he must not take it out on the puppy

Working out you can put reliable barriers in between them is going to be important. If that cannot be done, you will simply have to supervise constantly until they are both asleep

Daunting? Hell yes. But it won't last that long