Toddler jealous of puppy

[Lou9685]

Please do not judge on this. I feel bad enough as is and am just looking for advice. We recently got a labradoodle - my daughter is ten and my son is 3.5. Daughter loves the puppy, no problem there but my son is insanely jealous. He can occasionally be mean to the dog, not overly so but enough that I’m concerned for both. I feel like a total failure as my daughter will be crushed if I have to rehome but I’m exhausted from constantly watching over son and pup to make sure nothing happens. I’ve tried explaining to my Son to be gentle and most of the time he is but at his age I just don’t think he understands properly. Has anyone had this situation and what did they do? I suffer from anxiety as well and it’s currently through the roof. I had best intentions of it being such a lovely thing but it’s turning into a nightmare every day.

Unfortunately, small children and dogs do need constant supervision. Both are unpredictable, clumsy and can accidentally cause damage to the other.

You need to use baby gates and keep them separate at all times unless you're right there in the room to supervise. If your son can't be trusted not to poke/prod/pull the dog, he doesn't get to be around him. It really is that simple. If the dog gets fed up and bites your son, it's not your son who'll end up being put to sleep or stuck in a shelter for the rest of his life.

If you can't do that, then maybe owning a puppy isn't right for your current set-up. Puppies are a lot of work even without a toddler at home all the time. Ours was pretty all-consuming until he was 12 months old - he'll be two next month and still has his moments where he acts like a total loon.

Working with rescue adult dogs is very different to having your own puppy - they are really hard work and very time-consuming for a long while, especially with small children in the mix.

Something to do with how far back they’re bred I think. He likes a beer and prawn too!

I hope not. I really am fond of the dog but don’t want either hurt. Obviously if we had to rehome him it would be to someone I know etc

My DS is 10 and he felt jealous of our new pup. Thankfully he was old enough to express his feelings and I could explain to him why he was feeling like that. He’s an only child too so it was completely understandable that he felt jealous of the puppy taking all of our attention and the dream of owning a puppy didn’t match up to the reality of this bitey little land shark. He struggled to play with him and we don’t let him hold the lead yet either.

I would spend time with your DS explaining to him that he’s still the baby of the family, pup hasn’t replaced him in any way, you don’t love pup any more than him and I’d try and get some quality 1 on 1 time in with your DS too.

Keep coming down hard on any unkind behaviour but counter it with an absolute tonne of reassurance and love for your DS.

Something which sounds bonkers but really does work is to narrate pup’s thoughts in a funny voice. So when DS comes in the room say ‘yes! My favourite play mate is here, I’m so excited to see you this morning! Can you stroke me gently? That feels so nice, Thankyou for being so kind to me!’ That type of thing! Honestly, just give it a try. Good luck!

I’ll have to try that....it’s very hard isn’t it!

Put the dog’s needs ahead of yours and rehome him. He’s suffered enough.

He’s not suffering believe me!

It was hard for a 10 year old so I can imagine how a 3 year old would feel. DS was always kind to pup but had a few tears and thoughts of wishing we hadn’t got him. It did all quickly settle down though.

Definitely try to arrange for someone else to look after pup and take DS out on his own. I think the more he gets told off the worse his jealousy will get. Now I’m not saying you should ignore any hurtful actions but absolutely bomb him with love, talk all the time about how much you love him and what a wonderful little boy he is and how much your pup loves him etc and give pup a ‘voice’ you’ll feel silly at first but I bet it helps.

I’d also google ideas of how to help a child who’s jealous of a new baby, I bet you’d find some good suggestions.

I’m sure your son is a wonderful, kind little boy. He’s just confused and probably a bit overwhelmed by his feelings and struggling to express himself.

Yes he is, he’s the first to go to a child in nursery if they’re upset and is very sweet but yes he’s jealous. Thank you for being so kind x

He lives with a child that’s mean to him. He could live in a home where he’s adored by all. Of course he’s suffering.

You should have a contract that says you have to contact the breeder if you need to rehome.
Unfortunately this is why it’s best to wait until children are older. Puppies require almost constant attention. As do toddlers.

He lives with a child that’s mean to him. He could live in a home where he’s adored by all. Of course he’s suffering.

Unfortunately some people are FAR to selfish and self centred to realise this, especially those with ‘wilful’ children and who can’t teach their children the meaning of the word ‘no’. It enrages me that some people buy puppies then allow them to be abused by their children. 😡

Yes we do........I do work part time and my son is it nursery full time so it’s not constant. I really do want it to be something that passes.

Firstly you don’t know me so actually have no right to call me selfish. Also, I asked for advice not criticism. Thank you for your input.

If one of my (7) dogs does something it knows is wrong I eyeball it and say "how DARE you do that?" I suggest you do the same with your son.

have no right to call me selfish.

I have EVERY right to call you selfish from what you’ve posted on this thread. EVERY right. You have a puppy in your home that is being abused by a toddler yet you cannot stop it? It’s not just selfish it’s cruel.

I always thought this seemed quite a sensible approach, though it no doubt takes a lot of work - instead of trying to get young kids and dogs to interact nicely (given toddlers and dogs are both inherently unpredictable!), the idea is to teach them to be together without needing to interact at all. www.dogsandbabieslearning.com/2011/02/24/helping-toddlers-not-be-magnetized-to-dogs-part-3/

“Passes”?
Not good enough.
It needs to be something that you never allow to happen again. Separate them. Only ever allow them to be together when you are actively supervising. Not just in the same space but there pretty much between them and able to manage and intervene before your dog gets hurt.
A dog that is handled roughly may eventually decide to defend itself.

If OP was as selfish as some posters seem to think, she wouldn't be posting here. She'd have dumped the puppy with the nearest dogs' home and been done with it, or left it out in the garden.

OP, as PP have suggested, praise your DC for positive behaviour, and also narrate the puppy's thoughts - or even just say, 'Oh, look, he's so pleased to see you, he's wagging his tail, give him a nice gentle fuss... Oh, that's so kind, see how happy you've made him, now he'll love you even more... Now let's go and...'

thank you.... have take a lot of the positive comments and suggestions on board and will see how it goes.

I do not know what help is available in Australia OP but in the UK I am pretty sure that there are behaviourists who are experienced in working with children and dogs. Maybe get some help to show you the way?

Tbf you do sound like you are letting your child get away with this - it is terribly damaging to a pup and appalling behaviour from your child.