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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ok, so DS wants an earring and facebook

40 replies

mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 22:31

He's 12, just about to finish year 7.

And I know that being cool is everything. I am finding it a bit hard to allow him to do the cool stuff, but at the same time be happy with what he is allowed to do iyswim.

So last week he asked for facebook and I immediately said no. But having just been on my own account, and nosing at a couple of friends of friends, some of his friends came up (still with me??) and it seems there are quite a lot his age on there. But then the photos of a couple of the girls who I know are 11 and 12 look about 16, but then its the age old - all his friends have it.

And today he wants his ear pierced. We went thru this when he was about 8 and it was a definite no no. But now he's 12 and i'm wondering if we should just leave this up to him, it's hardly a tattoo, altho DH will be dead against it. Last time he told him he could have one when he turned into a girl

Just typing all that I think I need to get a life and back off a bit. So, if your 12 yr old DS wanted facebook and an earring, would you let him?

Oh and we had to ban msn at the beginning of year 7 as all he did was swear at his mates and then his then girlfriend asked him if he wanted to have sex

OP posts:
tearinghairout · 15/07/2009 22:35

Oh golly. Try to find a compromise. I would OK Facebook so long as I got to agree the password & could veto the content. Tell him that the school won't allow earrings

janeite · 15/07/2009 22:36

I would let him have a single, small stud earring but would not let him have Facebook.

random · 15/07/2009 22:36

I would let him have both

SlartyBartFast · 15/07/2009 22:40

how about bebo
and make sure he doesnt add people he doesnt know.
hard i know.

earring, i managed to still convince my oldest two against it. don;t know how.

Original poster
mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 22:40

See that doesn't help does it

School does allow earrings and he knows - all his friends have them, obviously!

Is there an age limit on facebook? Oh I don't know.

Only a couple of weeks ago it was the too small to fit the books in cool school bag, which I bought him - I can STILL remember my dad not letting me have the cool bag

why didn't emma's diary cover when the baby became a teenager??!!

OP posts:
TrinityRhinoHasASillyStepson · 15/07/2009 22:43

he/you would have to lie about his age to get him a facebook
I would let him pierce his ear and let him have a facebook when he turns 13 as that is the allowed age

Original poster
mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 22:50

oh its 13 is it? well that buys me 6 months!

isn't bebo worse tan facebook? i actually have no idea really.

Just spoke to dh on the phone who said he can have his ear pierced when he is 18! I told him to get a grip.

Actually I am less bothered by the earring than I am about facebook.

Off to look at bebo

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 15/07/2009 22:54

my ds got bebo or was it facebook in year 7, unbeknown to me, however he had a bad time on it, as can happen, people posting nasty things.
he has only just gone back to it, in year 9.
dd, just 12, has bebo and a small facebook account, i didnt think to not let her. But i do try to reiterate not to add people you don't know.. it may fall on deaf ears though

ra29needsabettername · 15/07/2009 22:54

I would also let him have both- my ds is also 12.

ramalama · 15/07/2009 22:58

the age is 14 for facebook

DD1 is 13 ...she has it...she had to take a year off her DOB

she's had BEBO for ages

I'd say yes to facebook/Bebo as long as they don't make personal info public and don't add people they don't know.

I'd say no to the earring on the grounds that they look naff and for no other reason

mumeeee · 15/07/2009 22:59

The age limit is 13 for both Bebo and Facebook. So he will have to wait until he is 13. If the scholl allows earings then ket him have a small stud.

pointydog · 15/07/2009 23:07

I'd allow the ear ring.

I'd allow facebook/bebo too but it would have be private of course an d I would want to know a bit about what was going on. So far, I have quite a good, open relationship with the dds and I think they would talk to me about any unpleasant stuff that might be happening on it.

mumonthenet · 15/07/2009 23:16

buy yourself a bit of time: say he can have facebook when 13, (and you have to join facebook too - and his profile has to be open to you)

...and he can have a earring when 14. (also gives time for your dh to come round to the idea)

I have found that giving them a fixed timeline gets their co-operation.

Original poster
mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 23:24

Good idea on the timeline, that could work. I already have facebook which is one of the reasons i'm not keen tbh! I know what people put on there! And if i'm his friend, which I woud be, then i'm going to have to be a bit careful about what other people post on my page

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 15/07/2009 23:31

oops sorry, you did say further down that you had facebook.

Also, is the computer in his bedroom? My dd(12) is on hi5, i have to confess - but at least the computer is in the family room. I'm always peering over her shoulder asking her who everyone is, much to her intense annoyance , but I hope it keeps her feet on the ground!

gerontius · 15/07/2009 23:35

Facebook is really quite safe - I'd say safer than Bebo really. You don't have to have him as your friend - just say you'll be checking his profile once a fortnight to check he hasn't been doing anything dodgy.

As for the earring- tell him he can get one when he pays his own rent

MrsSpringsteen · 15/07/2009 23:35

I would let him have neither
post gcses i would let him have both and hope by then he has the good sense to have neither

MrsSpringsteen · 15/07/2009 23:38

i wont let mine

Original poster
mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 23:38

Computer is in the living room so I will be able to see what he's up to.

I don't really have too much of a problem with the earring. I know they're a bit naff, but he can take it out when he comes to his senses. Plus he's growing his hair so you might not even see it. DH on the other hand is going all blokey about it!

OP posts:
liahgen · 15/07/2009 23:39

My almost 12 ds has facebook which i know the password to and not allowed to allow/add any friends he hasn't met face to face.

Defo no earring, boys should not wear earrings,

fortyplus · 15/07/2009 23:44

I let mine have FB at 13 provided that they let me be a 'friend' so that I can monitor their activity. I have stepped in to a situation on one occasion but I won't bore you with the details.

You need to know that administrators of any FB group or application your ds joins have access to the profile details of your ds and anyone who is their friend. So the same will happen if one of ds's friends joins a group! That will include his e-mail address and whatever date of birth he puts (he can't put his real one as he's too young to join).

The ear ring would be a non starter for me - 16 at the earliest for boys.

Original poster
mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 23:49

Hmmm the earring thing. I would obviously rather he didn't, altho its not the end of the world.

But the argument of

Can I have an earring

No

Why?

Because you are a boy

Rally won't stand up. I have told him they are chavvy, at which point he took offence as some of his friends have earrings and they are not chavs. And i have quickly learned that slating friends is a definite no no!

Oh bloody hell, i'm going to bed and will think about this all tomorrow!

Wonder what on earth I will do when its something actually important I need to worry about!

OP posts:
PixiNanny · 15/07/2009 23:52

Not bebo or myspace definately! They are full of the younger gens who can't type and swear at one another! Agree to a FB if you can have the password and if only his friends can see the content. Don't let him add people that YOU haven't met or know about/seen via the school.

Also, to add to your worries (sorry), my 8yr old cousin (female) and a friend were chatting on msn to a stranger who they called their 'uncle'. Now 8yr old lives with her gran, who is computer-illiterate, so it wasn't until 8yo was walked in on a convo with this guy that my (great) aunt got suspicious and got my Mum to sort it out for her.

'Uncle' had talked 8yo through making a myspace or bebo (one of them had already had one, which is how he contacted them, uploading provocative pictures (hinting at poses for 8yo and her friend to do), chatted to them both via their school email addresses () upon various other things. Needless to say the school immediately stopped the email contacts on their accounts along with most other kids in their school! Though why they had those permissions at school anyways I don't know...

But yes, don't talk him through being careful, make sure he is! Make a fake profile and try chatting to him on that if you have too.

mumblechum · 16/07/2009 04:40

He may not actually bother too much with FB if you let him have it. My ds (14) got it a couple of months ago because "EVERYONE else has it" but only checks it about once a week. It seems to be mostly girls rambling on about trivia.

Earring would be a no no purely because I think they look chavvy.

bakerslovecakes · 16/07/2009 13:55

My dd got fb when she was 12 so she had to say she was older, I didnt mind but I did tell her to only add kids that she knew and now i have fb so i can keep an eye on what shes up to which quite a few parents i know have done.

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