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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ok, so DS wants an earring and facebook

40 replies

mumto3boys · 15/07/2009 22:31

He's 12, just about to finish year 7.

And I know that being cool is everything. I am finding it a bit hard to allow him to do the cool stuff, but at the same time be happy with what he is allowed to do iyswim.

So last week he asked for facebook and I immediately said no. But having just been on my own account, and nosing at a couple of friends of friends, some of his friends came up (still with me??) and it seems there are quite a lot his age on there. But then the photos of a couple of the girls who I know are 11 and 12 look about 16, but then its the age old - all his friends have it.

And today he wants his ear pierced. We went thru this when he was about 8 and it was a definite no no. But now he's 12 and i'm wondering if we should just leave this up to him, it's hardly a tattoo, altho DH will be dead against it. Last time he told him he could have one when he turned into a girl

Just typing all that I think I need to get a life and back off a bit. So, if your 12 yr old DS wanted facebook and an earring, would you let him?

Oh and we had to ban msn at the beginning of year 7 as all he did was swear at his mates and then his then girlfriend asked him if he wanted to have sex

OP posts:
bruffin · 18/07/2009 10:29

Both my DC's 11 and 13 have facebook and most of their friends have it. I have one of their passwords so can keep an eye on it.

I would say no to the earring on a boy.

hercules1 · 18/07/2009 10:32

I would say yes to facebook and argue about the earring - bit undecided about that one. Personally hate them on boys (and young girls).

SlartyBartFast · 18/07/2009 10:36

i told ds that it might jeopardise his chances of joining the police - an earing that is - but i think he may have gone off the police idea anyway.

Lovesdogsandcats · 21/07/2009 10:27

Say yes to both. I had my ears pierced at 11 and was so pleased, why can't boys have that too?
Facebook - yes until the day its misused then banned til 18

TheLadyEvenstar · 21/07/2009 10:39

DS1 has FB and is getting his ear peirced next week for his birthday, he will be 11. I check his account every other day.

girlywhirly · 22/07/2009 17:02

You could go on at length about how painful the piercing will be for some time after it's done and will take at least two weeks to heal, it will need to be cleaned twice daily until then and the earring rotated to stop it sticking to the skin while it heals (otherwise it will heal with the earring in it and have to be removed surgically) He will have to wear the earring he is given at the procedure which is pre-sterilised and need to wait for the ear to be fully healed before he wears any 'fashion' ones. Is he prepared to do all this, because if it gets infected it will be really nasty, mention septicaemia, and so on.

Frankly, I'd be more inclined to say yes to the piercing on the understanding that you go with him to a reputable place. At least if he gives it up eventually it heals up.

LollipopViolet · 24/07/2009 21:51

FB...Well I was 18 when I joined last year. My mum is on there too, as a friend, and she knows my login (she goes on and does some of my application request things when I'm at work ) BUT, I was a legal adult when I got it, and I've built up a lot of trust with mum regarding the net.

Can't help with the earring, I'm a girl, and I got mine done at 18 months or so (I know, I know! people think it's awful but that's another story!)

maryz · 24/07/2009 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LollipopViolet · 29/07/2009 08:46

Facebook's actually better. It's far easier to keep tabs on because everything friends do is posted to your profile. So if your child starts being nasty it will show as "x has written on y's wall" and will show what they've put.

Only thing to be careful of is certain applications tend to mean lots of friend requests from random people to help you move forward in the games.

Luvvies · 29/07/2009 09:43

My DS1 at 13 uses FB and although he's not one of my friends, the rule here is that I can do a spot check at any time and he will have to be able to account for everything on there or it gets banned.
I am also constantly reminding him that his friends' parents can see EVERYTHING he writes, be it on FB, MSN, text. You never know who is looking at it, so don't write anything that you'll be embarrassed about or will make you look like a twonk.
He also thinks we have character recognition software so can look at anything he has typed... At least that's what my DH says... perhaps I should take heed?

Tortington · 29/07/2009 09:53

i would tbh.

over the summer holidays let him have an earring then he has to take it out for new school term.

i have dyed my kids hair wicked colours over the big holidays.

ithinkmydaughterispeppapig · 31/07/2009 11:07

My DS1 has also just finished year 7. I have allowed him facebook, which I keep my eye on, making sure that he actually knows his facebook friends. He was asking for a earring from the age of 9ish, but I said that once he is 10 he could make that dicision himslf, he decided to have is ear pierced. I don't see any prpblem with it, it certainly doesn't looky 'chavvy'. You have to allow them to make some choices of their own sometime, within reason obviously. their ears belong to them after all.

oxocube · 02/08/2009 18:13

My dd (almost 12) is desperate for pierced ears as most of her friends have them (true) and she thinks earings are uber cool. I have come down from 16 to 13 as I think I am fighting a losing battle. I have never had my own ears pierced and think it looks very chavvy on young girls . But there are worse things she could ask for and the condition is that she works very hard at school for the next year and then we will seriously discuss it.

DS (14) has Facebook. DD not interested but I would say no.

pagwatch · 02/08/2009 18:20

Earring . No way. My DCs are not allowed until they are 16. But DS1 wouldn't want his ear pierced anyway as it is considered seriously naff amongst his friends. He is 16. I suspect DD will want hers done at some stage but 16 is the limit

FB. I would allow as long as I have password and access to the account. Actually DS1 still has the same rule and i can access his anytime I like. He regularly shows me photos and stuff anyway

Original poster
mumto3boys · 03/08/2009 19:57

UPDATE

He got the earring. We decided it was a battle we didn't really need to fight. I would have allowed a girl to have them done at the same age and felt it wasn't a good enough argument that we didn't particularly like it.

So he had it done, paid himself but I went along. He actually carries it quite well and I quite like it.

DH has taken the opportunity to rib him endlessly. DS says he is just too scared to get it done.

And Facebook has been a no as it's not allowed til you're 13 and he hasn't mentioned it again!

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