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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it reasonable for a 13/14 year old to stay up til 2am playing computer games in school hols?

28 replies

BobDowne · 12/09/2008 10:04

Ds1 thinks i'm lecturing him about this. I say it's unfair on other people in the house as he would probably be disturbing them from sleep - it would me! He told me he is allowed to do this when he stays at dad's house. Am i just being an old fart not wanting him to get into bad habits?!
His dad lets him get away with a lot more than i do and i'm worried that he'll choose to go and live with him full-time as soon as he can.

OP posts:
mrsmike · 12/09/2008 10:37

My ds2 (14) does this - xbox online thing, so he's actually talking to mates at the same time. They all seem to do it. It's in his bedroom - if I can hear him I get him to turn it off - if he's quiet I don't mind too much in the hols. Different story if he has to get up in the morning for any reason though

BecauseImWorthIt · 12/09/2008 10:38

No!

It's too late for them, even in the holidays. I wouldn't even let my 16 yo do this.

pagwatch · 12/09/2008 10:39

I don't let my 15 year old do this. They don't all do it.
He wouldn't anyway as he is also not allowed to stay in bed all morning either.

cremolafoam · 12/09/2008 10:39

no not acceptable
for one you will get and even grumpier sleep deprived teenager the next day
not a pretty sight

mumblechum · 12/09/2008 10:40

No. Midnight is absolute last poss. time to switch off in the hols, otherwise they'll sleep in till noon and/or be grumpy

nappyaddict · 12/09/2008 10:41

If other people can hear it in their bedroom's YANBU.

nappyaddict · 12/09/2008 10:41

don't know why i put an apostrophe in there!

mrsmike · 12/09/2008 11:15

most saying no then?
it seems common within his group of friends round here. Maybe most parents don't know. I am v relaxed about things in holidays which hopefully gives me greater ammunition for term time.
But also xbox online seems so much FUN - I would have adored something like that at their age.

pagwatch · 12/09/2008 11:22

Definately no.
I know when he goes to bed and when he goes to sleep. And he knows the rules.

And none of his friends are allowed to either. They usually shut down gamesand msm etc around ten during the hols.

HonoriaGlossop · 12/09/2008 11:31

pag's thing of 10pm during holidays sounds more than reasonable to me. 13/14 is still a child and they need a proper sleep pattern, they still have a hell of a lot of growing and developing to do and regular 2am bedtimes are not good enough IMO even if they do sleep in in the morning.

Also IMHO they need firmer boundaries than that. Letting them be up till 2am means they will be completely unsupervised. a 13 yr old needs more input than that and they need to know that a parent is caring/taking notice of what they're doing and cares enough about them to insist on a reasonable bedtime. They may not SAY that! but they need to know it all the same.

mrsmike · 12/09/2008 11:44

10pm in holidays sounds very early to me. These are yr 10 boys that I am talking about so nearer 15 than 13.

pagwatch · 12/09/2008 11:47

My DS1 is 15.

southeastastra · 12/09/2008 11:49

in the hols mine stayed up to about 1am playing games

snorkle · 12/09/2008 12:05

It may have happened occasionally, but generally I get them to bed by midnight even in holidays.

forevercleaning · 12/09/2008 12:24

if its the hols, i really dont mind. Wouldnt do it for several nights on the trot though.

sayithowitis · 12/09/2008 13:13

i must be the world's worst mother! Yes, in holidays I have no problems if my son is up later playing computer/playstation etc. Even last year when he was just 15 ( summer baby). If he chooses to stay in bed late, however late, that's also fine because he understands that he may miss out on other stuff by staying in bed. He is learning to make choices. My elder son (19) does the same or goes out with friends and gets home late. Our attitude is that as long as they both stay in touch and make sure we know when to expect them home, that's fine. They know that if they do not show us that respect our attitude will change! Now that college has started 16 year old has to do study first, then games etc and has to be in bed at sensible time, preferably before DH and me, certainly on college nights. Weekends are more relaxed. Thet are growing up and need to learn to make sensible choices. Neither of ours have too many late nights on the trot because they have learnt for themselves that it catches up with them. Took a couple of times of them missing out on other fun stuff but they did learn and they are now sensible about the number of times and occasions when they do this kind of thing. Also, DH and I don't get stressed with the aggro of having stroppy kids arguing that they know best! We allowed them to find out for themselves, that just now and again, we really did know better than them!

saffy202 · 12/09/2008 14:40

I wouldn't let mine. There have been a few similar threads lately and I am assuming those who do, go to bed before their children? It just seems a bit strange but I suppose I will have to get used to it someday.

sayithowitis · 12/09/2008 16:12

We certainly go to bed before our DSs if they are having one of their late nights! After all, they are indoors, safe, so what harm in it? The time does come when you have to allow them to grow up and we would rather they begin to do that around us than have them go off in a strop and us not know where they are or who they are with. ( something that has happened with several friends and their teenage children). Anyway, if they choose to stay up all night why should DH and me lose our sleep ( or shiminyhoo time!)

mumeeee · 12/09/2008 22:26

No it is not acceptable. My 16 and 18 year old are not allowed to do this. Also the rule in our house is that the internet is off by 12.30 at the latest,

unknownrebelbang · 12/09/2008 22:30

Mine wouldn't be up that late.

LollipopViolet · 13/09/2008 12:03

You've got some mad teens there! I'm always in bed by 10 on weeknights, 11 at weekends, after that I'm just a zombie, and my parents don't believe in being in bed after 9am so wake me up anyway! How do they do it?

aGalChangedHerName · 13/09/2008 12:07

Don't have a problem with ds1 staying up late. He does COD4 on Xbox live and plays with mates in the US so can be up really late. Does the occasional all nighter too.

No different to going on a sleep over and being up gabbing all night (which i have done as a child)

He is in 6th year and working part time so i think he is capable of making his own decisions about how he spends his time off.

Overmydeadbody · 13/09/2008 12:07

Of course it is reasonable in school holidays.

But, you are perfectly entitled, as their mum, to lay down rules for an earlier time if that is what you want to do.

Nothing wrong with other parents having different rules though.

I remember as a teenager often staying up all night watching films and chatting to friends. It didn't do me any harm (mind you, I lived in a country where all shops where open till at least midnight in the summer holidays )

Scarfmaker · 13/09/2008 20:33

I wouldn't let my 15 year (16 next week) stay up till 2am even in holidays - way too late - even he knows that and is usually in bed by 10.30 - 11pm latest. He plays a lot of sport, football, tennis, cricket so he is usually knackered by then.

Also, he would disturb the rest of family (12 and 10) and me and hubby as all our bedrooms are quite close.

I'm the only one up late most nights till 12 doing the ironing or reading the newspapers.

random · 13/09/2008 21:20

My ds [15] nearly 16 often stays up till 2 am and beyond in the school holidays ..I just go to bed and leave him to it ..he always sleeps in the next day ..hes a night owl always has been