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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I know this is a strange one, but I need input from young mners and mums of teen girls.

29 replies

queen2shoes · 26/06/2008 21:42

rather a long story which I won't bore you with. I would have to change so much to disguise girl it would get boring.
what i need help with is.....
the relationship between teen girls and their mums.
Is it normal for a girl of about 14 to hate her mum.
to call her mum rude names to all and sundry.
for the mother to rather her dd got a bus than got a lift (from a known adult)
basically I need to know all you can tell me about the kind of ups and downs mums and teen dd's have so I can get this into perspective. my dd is 13 but has sn. so I have no bench mark.

OP posts:
Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/06/2008 21:51

I think it's hard to like your teens sometimes. I love mine to bits but there have been times when I don't like them very much.

So far I have a pretty good relationship with my 14 year old dd and can't imagine her calling me names or me not wanting to help her out with a lift

I don't think hating your mum is usual but then some teens say they hate you if they can't get their own way. It sounds like these two need a bit of help.

Original poster
queen2shoes · 26/06/2008 21:55

it wasn't the mum who was giving her a lift. she seemed keen that her dd got the bus home(9oclock in evening) rather than getting a lift from a known adult.

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 26/06/2008 22:01

the getting on the bus rather than having a lift is - in isolation - not so odd because there could be a million reasons for this,

but, in tandem with the kid hating her mum and calling her names to third parties - does indicate a difficult relationship.

Very difficult to comment really with such little info...so don't know why I am - except that you sound concerned.

Original poster
queen2shoes · 26/06/2008 22:05

ok try it this way.
is it normal for a teen to not get on with her mum.
can anyone just describe some of the ups and downs of having a teen dd please. forget the op.

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 26/06/2008 22:08

Yes it is completely normal for a teen not to get on with her mum - HTH

The age it starts and finishes varies wildly, but DD2 and I had a horrendous relationship for several years. She is 23 now but things still flare up.

misdee · 26/06/2008 22:09

oh god yes. i basically didnt see much of my paarents during my teenage years. i dontknow anyone who really got on wel withtheir mum when a teenager.

everyone elses parents were cool though.

Tinker · 26/06/2008 22:10

Not got a teen yet but I do remember being one. I don't remember getting on with my mum at all really. Definitely said I hated here. Said that well into my 20s But I didn't at all. She's saying it to you because she feels safe enough to say it to you, I'm sure.

Original poster
queen2shoes · 26/06/2008 22:12

I am sorry I have been so confusing. i think it is I am so confused. I have been just hearing one side iynwim. I spoke to the mum today on the phone and got a bit of the other side(i didn't ask) it made me realise that i was judging it all by boys. and I though I would ask on here to get a more rounded picture. the girl in question does seem to have a "strange" home life. but for all I know she might say that bout us

OP posts:
sarah293 · 27/06/2008 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
queen2shoes · 27/06/2008 16:02

there is more to it but can't post it on here. thanks for all your replies though. it is very interesting.

OP posts:
essjayo · 27/06/2008 16:25

My exp of my teenage daughter suggests it's absolutely normal - in my exp girls are way more self obsessed, can demonstrate a complete lack of empathy, have no sense of perspective and are very quick to say hateful things. My teenage son, 13, is also beginning to get v hormonal but is still easier to deal with than his sister.

The thing with the lift might be odd but it may be that the mum is concerned about how her dd might behave with the other known adult?

essjayo · 27/06/2008 16:26

My exp of my teenage daughter suggests it's absolutely normal - in my exp girls are way more self obsessed, can demonstrate a complete lack of empathy, have no sense of perspective and are very quick to say hateful things. My teenage son, 13, is also beginning to get v hormonal but is still easier to deal with than his sister.

The thing with the lift might be odd but it may be that the mum is concerned about how her dd might behave with the other known adult?

essjayo · 27/06/2008 16:27

Oops, seem to have double posted, sorry

cyteen · 27/06/2008 16:34

It's certainly normal for teenage girls to say they hate their mums, and to act like it too. I remember pushing my mum away when she tried to hug me, rolling my eyes at her tears and generally feeling a bit contemptuous of her emotions. I was very emotionally repressed and found her open displays of feelings confusing and difficult to handle, so covered it up by acting uncaring.

My best friend and her sister were also pretty harsh to their mum, calling her all sorts, doing as they pleased no matter what she said etc. In fairness they had been on the receiving end of some fairly rubbish parenting from both sides and were equally dismissive of their dad, with good reason imo.

Original poster
queen2shoes · 27/06/2008 17:35

wow this is interesting (hopes more people post.)
with dd having sn I don't have any of this. sounds like the girl is doing normal stuff and I shouldn't be so shocked.

OP posts:
girlnextdoor · 27/06/2008 18:36

My DD was brilliant- but my DS was like your description. Just hang on in there- they do change.

cory · 28/06/2008 09:17

What one would hope of course is that one's teenage daughter would restrict her more horrendous utterances to the family circle and maintain some sort of facade with strangers (grunting at them rather than telling porkies). That's what I'm holding out for- but dd is only 11, so time will have to show.

I do expect to be told on a regular basis that she hates me and that I have ruined her life. I hope she won't mean it.

Remotew · 28/06/2008 10:30

I've got a 14 year old and we get on very well. She prefers to be with me than her friends, which I find odd, but also thank my lucky stars. I hope it will change in the not too distant future for her sake.

However, I'm sure she has exagerated about things that happen in the home to other people in the past, to get a bit of sympathy etc. I have told her to keep our private business private and I think she has heeded this now.

She has not said she hates me but mutters equally insulting phrases under her breath when she doesn't get her own way. Also the teen years are when they discover that parents have there faults and will prey on that when they feel badly done to.

So even though we have a great relationship this behaviour seems inevitable with teen girls.

colditz · 28/06/2008 10:33

I rememebr calling my mum all the names under the sun then crying because she didn't seem to like me.

mumeeee · 28/06/2008 19:10

It is Normal for a teenager not to get on with her Mum. But not accaptable for them to call thier Mum rude names to everyone. I have 3 girls aged 21,18 and 16 and while at sometime or other they have all been rude to me. They would never even think of calling me a rude name to others.

ethanchristopher · 18/08/2008 18:09

i'm 15 and i LOATHE my mother

LOTHE her

its not that she does anything especially wrong and me and my dad love each other but as i am 15 and have a little boy (who by the way has had a great start in life and has two loving parents who think the world of him and we are by no means chav - sorry to ramble there) but anyway mum treats ethan like her little boy and im life FUCK OFF, MY LITTLE BOY!!! and she always gives me dirty looks and little comments to undermine me and my boyfriend

alot of my friends hate their mum for different reasons and they are all 14 15 16 years old

its a normal teenage thing - because girls of all ages are bitchy. mums, daughters, grans. lets not lie - we are all evil and piss off people from time to time and teenagers are moody and sensitive anyway so they react to it

juuule · 18/08/2008 19:29

"its a normal teenage thing"

Have to say that yours sounds like an extreme version of the teenage thing to me.

My teen dds are 17 and 13 and are generally lovely. They have their odd moody moments but then so do I. I certainly don't recognise the description you give of girls in your last paragraph, ethanchristopher.

tatt · 18/08/2008 21:37

it's not that unusual for a teenage girl to say she hates her mum and complain about her loudly to all and sundry. They also invent and exaggerate - to the extent of claiming people have hit them.

As for taking a bus - well maybe mum doesn't want to feel under any obligation.

My teens are both driving me mad right now, boy and girl!

mdrooney · 18/08/2008 22:36

I have two dds, who are nearly 12 and 13 (god help me) and things have changed in the last few months, but I have accepted that things will change, they are growing and all their bodies and hormnans are changing too and are becoming inderpendent and knowing themselves a bit more, we do have diffcult times and there can be a lot of slamming of doors in our house and mutterings under breath (thats just me ) but I just take a step back and rember that for all the shouting and screaming they still need me and I still get the occasinal I love you, inbetween the I hate you so much and your ruiening my life.
I have to admit they have been away for a week and am missing them, ask me next week and I might feel diffrent.
oh and my mum who they are staying with thinks that they are delightful, and asked why couldnt have I have been like that at their age..................

2shoes · 18/08/2008 22:49

forgot I did this thread.
just to let you know. the girl is no longer someone I will see and is now in care. so hopefully she will get a better life now.