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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD wants to go travelling but hates travelling and being away from home!!

53 replies

789vghu8 · 06/09/2025 21:27

My DD is 19 and she has decided she wants to go travelling. A year ago there is absolutely know way she would have even entertained this idea and I still can't quite understand why she wants to do it as she has severe anxiety, hates travelling!!!!!, has no interest in any type of culture, hates walking and hates sleeping away from home or even being out of the house for any length of time. She also hates people, going out and socialising!!!!!!!! she decided against uni for these very reasons!

She has friends who have just got back from travelling and loves the vibes of their insta and tick tocks.

In one respect this idea is great and will be fantastic for her confidence. I have never seen her excited for anything since before covid.

She currently works in hospitality and wants to work till about May then quit her job and go to Fuji, Thailand, Malaysia and Hong Kong. She has found a company or a few companies where they do the organising for you (these have been recommended by friends who have just come back) and she is about to book it now.

She is so enthusiastic and has planned it all out but how can somebody who hates travelling, and being away from home even entertain this idea.

I can't stop her though can I!!!!

OP posts:
TheRozzers · 06/09/2025 21:45

Good for her! Sounds really exciting and positive that she has overcome her fears.

Chobby · 06/09/2025 21:46

It’s a really good thing that she’s overcome her life limiting fears, I hope you are being fully supportive and encouraging!

WaterfallSounds · 06/09/2025 21:48

Will she be travelling with friends or solo?
Make sure she has gold plated travel insurance.

peanutbutterbananasandwich · 06/09/2025 21:49

She's 19 - she's still working out who she is and what she likes. People change. Maybe she is becoming someone who loves to travel and be away from home.

ThisIsHowWeDoItThisIsHowWeDoIt · 06/09/2025 22:05

A year ago is a long time in the life of someone who is a teenager. A year ago she would not have thought about doing it, now she is thinking about it.

GoldDuster · 06/09/2025 22:07

People change, your daughter isn't the same person she was last year, nor will be next year, and that's absolutely normal. Support her ideas, it will do her an eye opening world of good if she goes through with it, hoping she does.

cestlavielife · 06/09/2025 22:08

Goid for her.
Passport. Cross body bag. Off she goesx

PullTheBricksDown · 06/09/2025 22:09

Could you encourage her to try out a shorter trip before this one? Somewhere in the UK or Europe maybe? You're right that you can't stop her, and it would be very positive if she overcame this. But it might be useful, if she's going to panic or have doubts, to have them where it's easier to get home and solve any problems yourself.

Original poster
789vghu8 · 06/09/2025 22:33

On her own but signing up to travel as part of a group on organised excursions.

She phones me multiple times a day because she finds things so hard and some days she has 5 or 6 panic attacks but then she can go for weeks without one. She has still never been to an appointment on her own and she will never go out after dark unless me or a trusted much older adult is with her.

Her cousin is the same age and she is getting ready for uni and my DD only said to me the end of last week - she is so glad she isn't going to uni (she had a place but changed her mind) as she is a homebird and hates being away from home and watching her cousin getting ready as made her realise that she definitely made the right decision.

She will not stay in the house overnight without us!

Up until last week she hated travelling and we never went away this year because she always used to panic and get so stressed before we go on a plane and then literally hates the feeling when up in the air and last year and the year before she didn't cope being in a foreign place away from home and all she wanted to do was come home.

I' ve just had a talk with her and she said now she is 19 the travelling anxieties won't be there anymore and everyone except her has had fun this summer - I suggested start small with Europe but no she wants Thailand etc. A couple of these girls who travelled this year have been to uni for a year or have been travelling solo to Europe to stay with family etc since their were children.

She has a dentist appointment on Wednesday and I have told her that she has to go alone she is now panicking (apparently going to an appointment on your own is far scarier than than travelling abroad!) and when hubby and I go away in a few weeks she will stay in the house with her brother and not stay at my sisters!!

I so want to encourage it and think it will be great for her but surely if she can't do little basic things on her own she will really really struggle and I do not want that for her.

OP posts:
Dabberlocks · 06/09/2025 23:16

How does she propose to pay for this globetrotting?

Original poster
789vghu8 · 06/09/2025 23:20

She has quite a bit of money as she was saving for university . She works full time and never spends much money as if she isnt working she rarely leaves the house

OP posts:
CaptainCarrotsBigSword · 06/09/2025 23:51

Just let her do it. It could be the making of her. But maybe have an emergency fund / credit card handy for if she needs a sudden flight home?

zaazaazoom · 06/09/2025 23:55

Find a decent hypnotherapist to overcome her fears and a therapist to sort out the panic attacks.
Step back a bit and encourage her

WaterfallSounds · 07/09/2025 09:13

If she cannot go to the dentist by herself there is no way she will cope in Thailand.

cramptramp · 07/09/2025 09:14

Of course you can’t stop her. She’s an adult. Let her make her own mistakes.

RoaRiRi · 07/09/2025 09:15

It will be the making of her. Good for her for getting out of her comfort zone

Clearinguptheclutter · 07/09/2025 09:17

It might be the making of her

I’m all for sending teenagers travelling (did a lot myself) but it does sound like she will struggle
I think you have to be clear that she goes to this appointment by herself. If she really can’t she might reconsider. Hopefully she’ll pull herself together

mamagogo1 · 07/09/2025 09:18

I would encourage her but perhaps suggest that she tries a shorter cheaper trip first - perhaps 2-3 nights in Europe that she can use annual leave for, as a training exercise.

my dd was like yours, though did stay home alone ok (preferable to coming on holiday!) then she met through gaming friends overseas, wanted to visit a specific one and did, took national express, plane etc - airports have walk throughs online so she knew what to expect

Clearinguptheclutter · 07/09/2025 09:24

I wonder as a “warm up” you could buy her Ryanair tickets to a European city and see if she can just manage just a night or two by herself. Set her some “challenges” eg finding some specific places. Leaving the hotel! Just getting from the airport to town. It sounds like even just getting on a plane by herself will be a major achievement.

and it if goes horribly wrong at least it should be relatively straightforward to get her home

the real issue with her proposed trip is presumably you don’t have the funds to put into place a full on rescue mission if it all goes horribly wrong

Gassylady · 07/09/2025 09:30

Wow sounds like a very ambitious first trip in her case. Agree that the dentist solo then staying with her brother whilst you are away sound like excellent mini challenges.
If she manges these then yes a one or two night stay in UK or Europe via plane would be another step up.
I would be concerned on her behalf that shee books it and then cant go through so loses all her hard earned money.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 07/09/2025 09:48

I know I will get jumped on for saying this but does she have a diagnosis of adhd and or autism as EVERYTHING you say about her screams that to me. Impulsive but anxious. Needs a safe person. Hates travel issues with people etc.

She sounds a lot
Like my dd who was diagnosed 2 years ago and is working all this through

Is she very intelligent?

Just a thought.

sonjadog · 07/09/2025 10:01

I think building up to this is a good idea. Start with the dentist and staying home alone. Go on a couple of long weekends to European cities. See how she gets on there before she books this longer trip.

latetothefisting · 07/09/2025 10:06

By commenting like this you're just putting more doubts in her head. This could be the absolute making of her - she's teetering on the edge of a very restricted life - there's a difference in being a homebody, which is fine, and being an adult unable to go to appointments on her own or out after dark.

I think the smaller challenges you've set her are a great idea but in order to prepare her for the trip - not to see if she can do it. I'd see the trip as set in stone and wouldn't say anything that isn't encouraging.

If she does have a panic attack or whatever out there or lose her passport the people running the trip will help her, they won't just leave her! And if something does happen then she'll just have to deal with it - that's the whole point of becoming an adult. Some things will go wrong but that's OK.

Seriously I'd encourage this as much as possible otherwise in 30 years you'll be worrying about how the hell she is going to cope when you're gone.

Koolandorthegang · 07/09/2025 10:07

Wow good for her! Her anxiety does sound on the extreme end. Some therapy before she heads off could be a good idea. I think if she goes it will be brilliant for her to build her confidence and independence. There used to be very flexible tickets for trips like that where you could change your flight destinations/ times etc at short notice for a small fee. That was about 20 years ago when I went travelling but look into it and see if they still do them so she can fly home whenever she wants

whoboo · 07/09/2025 10:09

Sounds like the making of her. If it all goes tits up to ah well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.