DD wants to go travelling but hates travelling and being away from home!!

[789vghu8]

My DD is 19 and she has decided she wants to go travelling. A year ago there is absolutely know way she would have even entertained this idea and I still can't quite understand why she wants to do it as she has severe anxiety, hates travelling!!!!!, has no interest in any type of culture, hates walking and hates sleeping away from home or even being out of the house for any length of time. She also hates people, going out and socialising!!!!!!!! she decided against uni for these very reasons!

She has friends who have just got back from travelling and loves the vibes of their insta and tick tocks.

In one respect this idea is great and will be fantastic for her confidence. I have never seen her excited for anything since before covid.

She currently works in hospitality and wants to work till about May then quit her job and go to Fuji, Thailand, Malaysia and Hong Kong. She has found a company or a few companies where they do the organising for you (these have been recommended by friends who have just come back) and she is about to book it now.

She is so enthusiastic and has planned it all out but how can somebody who hates travelling, and being away from home even entertain this idea.

I can't stop her though can I!!!!

Has anybody in the world actually been cured by therapy?

This was me OP! I also absolutely hated hot weather. I’ve no idea what possessed me to do it but I was absolutely obsessed and saved up and went around the world for a year. I won’t say it was the best year of my life because I did find it challenging, but it did broaden my horizons and understanding of the world, I had some tricky times but I coped and some brilliant times too. Get her the best travel insurance possible, make clear she can come back any time and watch her go I reckon.

Hm. I would worry that she's just been influenced by influencers. If she's gained all her enthusiasm about travelling from people's Tik Tok feeds, is she aware that she's seeing only curated and the very BEST of their trips. If she still won't leave the house alone how does she envisage this working? It's very easy for kids to say 'oh, it will work out, I'm really excited about it!' and then cancel on the day. I have an autistic DD who would plan stuff that she then couldn't carry through...

It would be SO good for her to travel though, if she can. My DD ended up going off to Uni as a mature student as she just needed a few extra years to mature and gain enough confidence. So I'd encourage your DD and plan and act as though she is going - but make sure you have the most brilliant cancellation insurance every invented.

It was a different set of circs that led to me being anxious when my DS went travelling. The limit to his independence was a health concern that meant he had to take a gap year after A Levels. By Feb his health condition was under control. He announced he wanted to join gap year friends for part of their trip in Europe. He'd realised he needed a hard reset to independence, I realised his health struggles had made me reset to motherly protectiveness. But I did know I had to support his trip. It was a success - for both of us. He also took another longer trip in the summer that was partly solo.

I think these sorts of trips are very good for young people.

Let them. It’s their life and lesson to learn if they don’t enjoy it.

‘Cured’ isn’t really a term we use - met goals, improved quality of life, helped with significant symptom reduction, no longer meeting diagnostic criteria for said anxiety disorder etc - yes of course, massively.

Lots of people hate going to the dentist. Might not be best idea for a 'test' trip.

If she wants to do this, I'd be making her go to any future appointments by herself, and when you guys go on holiday in a few weeks, she needs to stay in the house on her own. She's 19, and she wants to go travelling for months, so she should be able to stay in her house overnight without another adult.

This could be great for her but I'd be slightly worried she'll be begging to come home, if you're right that she has no interest in culture etc, I'm not sure she'll enjoy it that much. However maybe it's the places you've been to which she hasn't found interesting and she may love this trip and grow a lot. Especially as she seems very attached to staying at home and at this rate may never leave, so this might help her catapult her into actually having a more full life. But I'd be pulling back massively up till when she goes.

I so want to encourage it and think it will be great for her but surely if she can't do little basic things on her own she will really really struggle and I do not want that for her.

If you don't let her struggle she won't experience the joy of overcoming a struggle and coming through it.

It sounds like she desperately needs to build her confidence and she's excited about this and wants to do it.

Some people like to learn slowly and do things a bit at a time, some people need to just jump in and get over the shock in one go.

she does sound like my autistic daughter.

so. I went travellling at 18 and hated it!! I cried EVERY DAY - thalians/vietnam/indonesia. I came home early and never regretted that.

However - you know what, you live and learn

One concern I'd have is it's much easier to be enthusiastic about a really WILD plan than a small one - like going to the dentist/ making phone calls/ etc

Can I say I think it's quite sad she might totally write off uni - have you encouraged her to keep that option open?

could it work as a sort of bribery

ie. you will suport it. but she has to work through a checklist of smaller things that scare her.

Why would you want to stop her? This could change her life! If she doesn’t like it, she comes home 🤷🏼‍♀️

let her go and figure with out if she doesn’t like it she can come home. She’s feeling brave and you should encourage her to try, hopefully this is the start she needs

all of these places in Asia are easily navigable by phone and internet, Thailand is very helpful, with a tube, train and grab bikes

Also thinking this about possible ND.

Doesn't mean she shouldn't go, but a test run in Europe first might be helpful.

What's her plan for travel vaccinations? Has she booked an appointment for that?

She might surprise you! My son did. He deferred his uni place as he didn’t feel ready to go, he’d barely left his room over Covid and wasn’t confident about going places himself and took a gap year working locally. He didn’t like travelling as a child, had panic attacks when left overnight on his own so we couldn’t do it. He surprised us all by saying he was going to work abroad for the summer and like your daughter used a company to help organise and he went, by himself. We are 3 years on from this … it was the making of him. He says now he just needed to do something to change his life . I was so worried and fullly prepared to fly out and get him but it wasn’t needed. He made friends, had an amazing time and came back ready to start uni. He still isn’t keen on the travelling part of exploring but he likes it once he is there but he has learned so much now about organising himself, booking trains, boats, aeroplanes that his is confident and has travelled many places himself and with friends since then. He can now organise his own appointments aswell! For whatever reason your daughter believes she can do this, so continue to support her. Provide reassurance that you are behind her 100%, that you are proud of her and you believe in her and she always has a home to come back to and a helpful parents just a phone call away. She is being sensible and using a company and she will meet other young people just spreading there wings! Good luck to her!

She is 19 and has never been out alone when it’s dark? Never?

what’s she planning on doing? Sitting in the youth hostel every night?

I definitely think she should do it, but I also think she needs to plan for it

It will be a hell of a waste of a money if she bails out.

She doesn't sound like a functional adult yet. Those countries are dangerous even if you're savvy.

She needs independence before she is halfway across the globe. Would she be gullible and susceptible to scams for instance? Is she aware enough and confident enough, for example, to not fall for 'can you carry my bag on the plane?' or 'drink this', 'look over there' ?

I thought the same. I can't imagine a 19yr scared of going to the dentist

Yes

I know 50 year olds who are scared of the dentist.

She could possibly be autistic but as a child she was very independent and only became this shy and scared person since covid. The day she went back to school after the last lockdown she had a panic attack and that was the start of her anxiety. My son is autistic and but far more independent and able to navigate life than she is. He is very black and white though knows his limits and what he likes. He does lots on his own and is far more mature and able in his outlook than she is but he has an ASD diagnosis.

She is too wary doesn't trust anyone - she has never been to a nightclub as worried her drink will be spiked, won't go out in the dark in case she is attacked, never buys anything off the internet in case she is scammed!! She uses social media but is very careful about what she shares etc!!

She hasn't booked it yet but has put on a 48 hr old. She is currently looking at flights as she only wants to fly Emirates and it is proving quite expensive!