Appropriate punishment for these things:

[Remmy123]

13 year old boy:

At school:
Always late for classes despite warnings
messing around in class (tapping ruler, chatting)
homeeork incomplete
not correct equipment
smirking when teacher tells him off
terribke report (coasting in all subjects)

At home:

never does any chores (we don't give many)
messy room
doesn't do homework unless we tell him / done to terrible standard
doesn't hang or put clothes away messy room
never comes off Xbox when asked

i am end of my tether the school emails and phone calls

I think he has no respect for parents or teachers!

any advice welcome

thanks

Link money to school performance and housework.

Absolutely you should back the school and tell him that he has to improve things at school to earn privileges such as xbox etc at home. But do try and find situations to praise him and thank him for emptying dishwasher etc even if it's done grudgingly. The thing with teenagers is they really need your unconditional love even when their behaviour is very unloveable! Is he struggling with the school work? Can he maybe get some tutoring to help him catch up? Does he spend time with you or dad doing things like shopping/lunch, walking the dog, fishing/golf/kick about in the park? Let him know how much you enjoy his company when you've spent time together. I used to work in a PRU with kids with VERY difficult behaviour problems - honestly, building a good relationship with them was crucial to improving their attitude. Best rule we had was always start with a clean slate each day no matter how badly the day before had gone. Forgive quickly when they apologise and don't hold grudges 😊