Is there a hand holding thread for teens who are going off the rails 😔

[Meltinthemiddle]

Mum to 17 ds, skipping college, smoking weed. Caught him bringing into the house with money given to him for his birthday. Told me it was my fault as he had a shit birthday due only having £100 and aftershave, designer boxers, socks and gift card none fo which he bothered opening! We also took him for a family meal with his gf. Massive row erupted and he stayed at a friend's last night. Not had contact since. I'm just done, so done. Sick of the worrying and the self entitlement and selfish, ungrateful attitude. I actually hate him right now 🥺

@FranklyIgiveadamn that’s a tricky one maybe if the police did contact him it would nip it in the bud. No other advice just a hand hold from me hopefully someone else will come along with some advice

Not feeling great tonight dd still isn’t speaking to me which dh seems to have encouraged telling her not to speak to me as it causes rows I don’t think he meant it in a malicious way probably just trying to keep the peace but hurtful anyway

Just had an email to say our jls tickets have been dispatched it was book pre covid pre boyfriend for me and dd to go we were so excited I managed to get tickets as I took her to see them the first time round it was her first concert not sure what to do with them they were a lot of money I doubt she would be allowed to go anyway now we went through a phase of seeing her regularly when the boyfriend was working she was always clock watching but we haven’t seen her since he stopped working dsis has invited her for Sunday lunch she has said she can’t go as she’s working which is a blatant lie she hasn’t been in work for over a month as she’s off sick. If she is at the university house he is with her as she’s not texting him which isn’t what we agreed when we paid the rent she was to be there alone for how ever many days she had lectures then could do what she wanted go to his etc

Really hoped he wasn’t going to move in with her and hoped the fact he had a dog and they had got 2 cats would of prevented him being able to just to give her some time apart from him. I have no proof and could have an over active imagination but his mum and boyfriend split up and he’s been living in a camper van so I wonder if he’s living in dd boyfriends housing association flat/house. Feels like we are funding and supporting the whole family well as tax payers we are as none of them work unless being the local weed dealer training to be a driving instructor but never actually teaching anyone to drive and taking out a covid grant to buy camper vans than never moved off the driveway until she kicked him out classes as work

Dh isn’t concerned with any of this he’s puffing out chest being macho stating we have the money to pay the rent etc dd is in the university house so what’s the problem no evidence she actually attending lectures and she isn’t back at work yes we can afford this but only because we both work full time him nights me days I give up can’t do right for doing wrong

@Alfiemoon1, would cutting her off financially make her less attractive to him, do you think? Or would it make her dependency worse?

@Peanut82, I am so sorry. You must be going out of your mind. I hope you have had a bit of peace this week.

I don’t know anymore when we found out via Facebook she had moved in with him we said she would have to take over her bills as 2 adults living together and she accused us of not supporting her. She went through a phase of stressing over money doing extra hours at work and was talking about getting a second job all while doing a degree and the boyfriend not working we don’t want her to mess up her studies as she’s in her final year so continued paying. This is the only year her student loan hasn’t fully covered her rent so we paid the extra she hasn’t worked for weeks as is off stick but hasn’t asked for food money or anything so not sure what is going on I just hope she’s not getting in to debt or on only fans or something. We’ve tried killing her with kindness whatever approach we take it backfires on us he is well and truly in control of her