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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

At what age would you feel comfortable with your child leaving home?

42 replies

inthegutter · 14/11/2007 20:28

Our dd, 16, has a couple of friends a year older than her who are already talking quite seriously about moving out. I'm not quite sure how realistic this all is, as i know one of them is intending to carry on at college. But it set me wondering: has anyone had children who have moved out during the late teenage stage? Alone or with friends/girlfriend/boyfriend?? How did it all pan out?

OP posts:
SpeccieSeccie · 14/11/2007 20:34

I left home at 18 3 months after leaving school - no choice, as parents moved to smaller house without space for me while I was away on a gap year - and it's been fine. The only bummer was that I had to cart all my possessions around with me during University moves etc, while everyone else's stuff was at home in their old bedroom. Hence loads of my things getting lost and getting damaged in a move. And loads of postal addresses so some people lost touch with me a bit.

rantinghousewife · 14/11/2007 20:34

My oldest is not school leaving age but, I DID leave home at 17. It was a struggle but, my torturous relationship with my mother immediately improved and although I missed home sometimes I never went back and have never regretted it.
My parents never interferred, although I got myself into some right pickles, financially and otherwise (I ended up in a homeless hostel for young people) and bizarre as it sounds I am very grateful for that. It helped me develop independence and stand on my own two feet.
Having said that, I am mother to a teen boy and I wouldn't like him to leave home at 16/17 but, if he did, I would rather he know, he is welcome back at any time.

Evenhope · 14/11/2007 20:41

Our DD moved out at 17 in her last year of 6th form. She was at school in a different town and we'd told her we couldn't drive her anymore in that last year but she found she couldn't get there in time on public transport.

She moved in with her boyfriend and his mum and brothers, so she wasn't alone.

It was really hard for us and felt like she'd turned her back on us. What started as Sunday afternoon to Friday afternoon became away full-time. All the important stuff re school etc was done by bfs mum and we got to the point where we felt totally side-lined. We were here for financial handouts when required

They tried to get her to go to uni locally but she wasn't swayed and went away to her choice. During the holidays she went home to them.

She came home after graduating and was here for 4 months. We all breathed a huge sigh of relief when she left

oxocube · 14/11/2007 20:50

I left home at 18 to move in with a boyfriend. Looking back, it was a daft thing to do although the relationship lasted about 4 years. I tried to grow up too soon and lost out on a lot as a result. I think its different if kids leave to go to university etc but I was trying to play grown-ups when I was still pretty much a child.

My eldest is now 12 and I feel pretty scared to think that in only 6 years, he might be feeling the same as I did. I really hope all my kids don't rush to leave (although I have lovely parents - I was just a teenage arse!)

LaDiDaDi · 14/11/2007 20:52

I effectively moved out when I went to uni aged 18. Although some aspects of it were negative, living with then bf who later became h, now ex-h, my relationship with my mother did improve.

mumeeee · 14/11/2007 21:07

DD3now 20 completly left home at the end of her second year of uni agged 19. she lives in the same city as us but now only comes home to visit.

themoon66 · 15/11/2007 10:48

Our DD went off at 16 to live with shit boyfriend who was 30 years old. We were devestated.

Dinosaur · 15/11/2007 10:49

I effectively moved out when I was 18 and went to college - I never lived at home again after that.

irises · 15/11/2007 10:56

I think that once my ds goes to Uni in 6 years, I'd consider him to have left, even though he'd be back in the hols.

Once he graduates we'll help him buy a house in whichever town or city he gets his first job in.

That's the theory, anyway

brimfull · 15/11/2007 11:04

themoon-bloody hell that must have been difficult.Is she still with him now?

themoon66 · 15/11/2007 11:39

ggirl... no she saw the light after one year of living with him. Thank the lord. She then moved in with her best friend. We only hear from her when she's in need of money these days

DH: 'DD phoned'
Me: 'oh right, how much did she want?'

mumof2teenboys · 16/11/2007 08:32

I had to ask my 17 year old son to move out 3 weeks ago. It was the hardest thing that i have ever done. I have spent many hours in tears since.
Hopefully, our relationship will recover but right now he doesn't want to know me or his younger brother.
On one hand, it had to be done, on the other, how could I be such a failure as a mum?

MrsSnape · 16/11/2007 23:33

I moved out when I was 16 which was far, far too young but I had little choice. This is one thing I am determined to change with my own kids and I hope to keep them at home until they are at least 19-20.

expatinscotland · 16/11/2007 23:42

i moved out at 18 to go to university.

Tnog · 16/11/2007 23:49

I moved out at 18 to go to art college and never lived back at the family home again.

expatinscotland · 16/11/2007 23:49

i never did either, Tnog.

Tnog · 16/11/2007 23:55

To be honest I couldn't wait to be independant, but when I look back I realise how child-like and silly I was.

I'd go back at christmas and for a couple of weeks maybe during the summer, but spent the whole time feeling so stifled and frustrated.

expatinscotland · 16/11/2007 23:56

same here.

mostly because i never had a car at home, and you could go absolutely nowhere without one there.

brimfull · 17/11/2007 00:00

I would be quite happy for dd to leave when she is 18 ,but 16 seems too young to me.She turns 16 in a month couldn't imagine her leaving now.

Tnog · 17/11/2007 00:03

I think you and I have a lot in common, Expat.

My parents always found me quite a handful, a little too rebellious whilst growing-up, leaving home was like a sugar rush to me.

I did too many things to excess and paid the price, but all these experiences shape you and make you the person you ultimately become.

Wouldn't change anything, but perhaps would have liked to travel more.

zippitippitoes · 17/11/2007 00:04

i don't know when or if they have left

but dd1 is stil here aged 24 via gap year uni and now looking and so is her bf

dd2 is not not sure when she really left but maybe at 18

ds has possibly just left aged 129mbut is staying with dd2 so not sure

none are ibdependent althought dd2 has a three year old

zippitippitoes · 17/11/2007 00:05

clearly not 129 19

zippitippitoes · 17/11/2007 00:06

as to being comfortable i don't think i was actually asked

Tnog · 17/11/2007 00:06

I'd be happy for ds to leave at 18, particulary if it was to go to university or college.

I hope he gets to see a litle of the world whilst he's young and gets to enjoy the freedom of his youth.

expatinscotland · 17/11/2007 00:07

I would love to travel more!

Yes, I was more challenging.

My sister lived at home till she married at the age of 25.

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